


parallax/paradox

by Kiwitty



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing, Zanki Zero: Last Beginning (Video Game)
Genre: Ableism(which I’m going to tackle a bit later), Bugs & Insects, Content warning: deaths so many deaths, Drinking, Every character has a specific way of viewing the world that reflects on how they act, Every single one of the 8 main characters will get a part in their POV eventually, I changed some characters' backstories a bit, I don't think anyone here is neurotypical., I don't understand nursery rhymes sorry, I swear I'm not trying to be edgy for the sake of being edgy here, I want to make the characters heal besides the challenges they face and improve, If I do manage to finish this, In many ways as well. Electrocution. Acid. Poison. And other stuff I’ll add as the story progresses., It's more like Hurt/comfort I guess? Finding balance between that is hard sometimes, Killing, LGBT characters, Most dead characters come back in a way., Multi, Self-Harm, Suicidal Ideation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Zanki Zero has so many good ideas that I wish were explored better, Zombie stuff? Weird creatures. Parasytes. Survival stuff., body horror I guess?, hopefully that will improve with time, maybe tenmaki maybe tenhimi maybe harumeno maybe whatever the 3 of them as a ship is called, mushrooms and fungi, nothing too graphic, or maybe purely platonic not sure what the best approach will be, philosophic and scientific discussions, some religious themes, that is., they are purely aesthethically based on this fic, things may get a bit violent, weird grammar probably
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:06:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 5
Words: 61,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26394619
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiwitty/pseuds/Kiwitty
Summary: Death. Is where things should have ended for them. But then 8 people that should have died find themselves trapped in a island with limited resources, as they receive missions from weird cartoon bears that say they are in purgatory and are being tested for their sins, and their actions will decide if they go to Hell or Heaven. It's a deadly survival trial! Will they be able to overcome their differences and cooperate?A mostly inspired by Zanki Zero AU.
Relationships: Chabashira Tenko & Hoshi Ryoma, Chabashira Tenko & K1-B0, Chabashira Tenko & Saihara Shuichi, Harukawa Maki & Hoshi Ryoma, Hoshi Ryoma & Tojo Kirumi, will add as story progresses - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 21





	1. one stormy night pt 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not really fan of this beginning but if I don't post it then I will keep on changing stuff and never move on to the next chapters.  
> This is significantly different from Zanki Zero since I don't want to spoil the game much and haven't finished it, but I feel this setting would work really nicely to danganronpa characters, plus this game has so small attention it hurts.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryoma wakes up on a weird island

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm looking at dictionaries so much and searching for replacements for 'said' that some words start looking weird questioning if the letter d has always looked like that bc it suddenly feels so alien.  
> Please check tags for more detailed warnings!  
> I feel like I'm awful at describing stuff even in my language, much more in english so I hope I get better with time.

_I hear thunder,_

_I hear thunder,_

_Hark don't you?_

_Hark don't you?_

_Pitter-patter raindrops,_

_Pitter-patter raindrops_

_I'm wet through,_

_So are you._

They say there is calm after the storm right?

It sounds extremely fitting, considering the occasion. 

But, even if it felt like something that would come out of a book, the situation Ryoma was in felt pretty real, just like all these years he spent in prison.

Since, after all, his last day had finally arrived.

Not that it was unexpected, after all, there's only so much time before your turn in the death row comes.

They had given him the choice to eat anything he wanted.

But he didn’t ask for anything, for he didn't feel any hunger. 

He just wanted it to be over. 

For things to finally reach an end.

After all, he had _nothing_ left. 

Nobody would miss him, or that even would give him a _chance_.

No place in society. No way to forget his past. 

And no one would forget his past either.

Someone like him deserved to rot in prison. Deserved to die. 

It was an only fair punishment for someone that took so many lives. 

A fate he was ready to accept.

All life comes to an end eventually. Ryoma thought, that makes everything one does with it meaningless. All that effort would eventually end. And after it ends, there is nothing.

And, after so many years in that prison, he was sure that living would have been even worse than nothingness.

Because that prison was basically hell. He’d rather not live than remain there. 

They then took him to that infamous chair.

He was readying himself to brace it.

The last thing Ryoma remembers is hearing a really loud, buzzing noise, and a shock, followed by a sound of... something hitting water?

Then everything _faded_.

  
  


"Heeey, Wake up!"

He heard a voice calling to him. It sounded a bit childish.

Still.

_Somehow_ , he had regained consciousness, but couldn’t really understand what was going on.

What he knew is that he had a huge headache.

He should be dead right? 

So he shouldn’t have to worry about that. There was nothing else he could do.

He didn’t bother paying much attention.

But he kept on hearing voices.

“ _Oh no_ , it’s _another_ degenerate!” This voice seemed to belong to someone really energetic, but full of some sort of bitterness, a totally different tone from the last one.

"Nyeh, Maybe if we pour water over him he'll wake up?" A third voice was heard, it seemed to belong to someone a bit older than the last one, yet somehow sounded… a bit lazy? Or was the other way too energetic?

"I'll tickle his feet!” This one sounded like the first voice he heard.

He felt something metallic touch his feet and opened his eyes.

There were three people in front of him.

One, seemed like a teen, had a white hair with a bluish tint to it. 

He had two robotic prostheses on their body, one as their right arm and one as their left leg.

They seemed really complex. They had this black color, some parts had glowing green neon lines, and honestly, they seemed more like something out of a sci-fi movie. But then, differently from the robotic prosthesis on his arm, which was clearly based on human hands, the leg prosthesis seemed to be more based on animal anatomics. It kinda looked like these cheetah prosthetics, but way more shiny, looked a bit sturdier and had a more robotic feel than Ryoma remembers them having… 

The teen looked like a hi-tech cyborg, but it felt really contrasting that he was wearing a rather baggy grey t-shirt stamped with the word “icy” in comic sans and nothing more, some grey cargo shorts, and an electric lime sneaker on his non-prosthetic foot. 

There was some sort of light coming through his shirt in the belly area so maybe he had more robotic parts than just an arm and leg.

“See? No need to waste our precious water.” Said the icyborg.

“Nyeh, since you’re up, follow us.” Ordered another person.

She was shorter than the cyborg, but probably taller than Ryoma, had short red hair, and wore a carmine colored baggy hoodie with the word “Believe” written in it, paired with some sort of unicorn silhouette on its belly area.

Fittingly, its hood had a pair of horse-like ears, but instead of a horn it had large enough wings on its back that they were visible from the front. 

Alongside it, she wore a puffball skirt and some boots. 

“Do you think we can trust this degenerate?” Asked the third member of the bunch. 

She had brown, long hair tied in two pigtails, and wore… 

Were these _socks_ on a _waraji_? 

Why did she have two small ribbons in her pigtails, a choker with a small belt, a tiara and a HUGE, green ribbon shaped like a pinwheel in the back of her head? 

She had a pink coat wrapped in her belt, despite already wearing a light blue coat, with a white t-shirt underneath that had a bird stamp. 

She also wore a double frilled skirt with some leggings underneath it. 

But the _weirdest_ thing was that her midriff was exposed and she had a _huge_ , X shaped _thing_ completely hiding her belly button…

It looked like it was made of a whitish grey plastic that seemed more fitting in a video game controller.

What a weird choice for a piercing. 

Ryoma didn’t even care much about fashion but was still thrown off by the mess this combination looked like. It was a disaster.

“We need him for our mission whether we trust him or not, right?” The unicorn believer commented “And he doesn’t look that strong, bet you can take him down if needed.”

 _Rude_.

“Alright, just what is going on here?”

“We know it’s confusing but if you follow us, _some_ things will be answered!” The cyborg answered.

“And why should I do that?”

“Nyeh, our mission was to look for you” The Unicorn believer replied, with an unfazed voice.

“Still doesn’t sound convincing… Why should I trust you?” 

“Because if you don’t then Tenko will have to forcefully carry you there, _degenerate_!” The fashion disaster practically shouted.

Pretty _nice_ treatment, huh.

“Sorry for that, but we _really_ need to bring you with us.” The cyborg begged, with his hands clasped. “Please don’t take it personally, it’s not like we have any choice” 

They don’t seem like they’ll stop bothering him...

“Alright then. At least explain what is going on, I’m pretty sure I should be-”

“Dead. We know. We’ve _all_ been there.” The unicorn believer spoke in a bored tone “Nyeh, It’s a pain going through _this_ every time someone wakes up...” 

“Tenko thinks it’s nice we got another chance right?” Fashion disaster replied the unicorn believer “Even if it all _still_ sounds really fake...”

“Alright, so you don’t get too lost,” Cyborg started explaining ”There's this weird cartoon with five bears that airs sometimes through a TV we have in the garage that works as our meeting base, and it gives us missions.” The look on his face expressed he acknowledged well how weird this sounded. ”A few of the past ones have been stuff like ‘fix the water pump’ or ‘build a toilet’ but the last one we got was ‘finding your last companion’, and that must be you!”.

“This sounds too fishy to believe. Why would it be me?”

The cyborg put his hand on his chin as he tried to find the next words he’d speak.

“You see… there’s no one in this island but us. And if the cartoon bears speak the truth, there is no one else in this world as well.” He looked really serious. “Still, I understand not trusting it. We don’t trust them fully either... It’s _really_ too much to take in. But, even then, they’re our only lead, so we need to take you to the base.”

Well, it’s not like they were giving him a choice.

Or that he actually _had_ something else to do at all. 

Ryoma looked around to see his surroundings.

He _was_ in a place he didn’t know, now that he looked at it better.

It seemed like he was in a deserted place.

The salty smell of the air and the noise of waves alerted there was probably a beach area nearby. But, he stood above a concrete ground.

Around him, there were some really destroyed buildings, with plants and moss growing all over them…

The whole place seemed kind of ominous now that he stopped to think about it. 

As if it had been abandoned _long_ ago. Forgotten in time…

He sighed.

“All right, guess I got no choice”

“Nyeh, thankfully this one was way quicker to accept our situation than the last two...” The unicorn believer mumbled.

He then followed them, as they led to their “base”.

It looked… Like an old garage. On its back, there was a weird, huge, arcade machine that looked really out of place. Near it, on the wall to the left side of the room, there was a round table with a diary, and a vintage TV model was placed at the other side.

“Now we need to choose someone to go and tell the others we found him...” The fashion disaster spoke.

“All right, I’m going!” The cyborg blurted as he ran outside.

Ryoma was left alone with the unicorn believer and the fashion disaster.

There was an awkward silence. 

_Unicorn believer_ had her eyes opened but was probably daydreaming, while _fashion disaster_ looked at him like he was the most disgusting person on the planet.

_Great. Someone already hates me._

Luckily, the cyborg didn’t seem to take that much longer to return. 

Alongside him, there were four other people.

“So everyone’s gathered...” Blurted a person that wore a face mask with a zipper on it, a hat, and a dark green... _scouts_ uniform? Ryoma isn’t really sure. They wore black galoshes and had long, black hair.

“Indeed” Affirmed a person that dressed like a Victorian maid. She had short, grey hair.

“We should introduce ourselves right? Name, age and profession. Can it be by wake up order as always?” Said a black haired guy that wore a black hat, a black suit, and social shoes.

“...Fine…” Blurted a red eyed woman that wore a brown cardigan, with a red shirt underneath it; She wore black pants, and combat boots.

She also had pigtails and black hair, but didn't use near as many accessories as the other pigtailed person in there did, instead using a pair of red scrunchies. 

“Alright! I was the first one to wake up on this island! Call me Keebo Idabashi! I have no idea what age I was when I died.” The cyborg then paused. “I think I was really sick. Or a medical experiment. I’m not even sure if I’m fully human, my memories are all over the place, I only know I remember being in hospitals and research facilities a lot.” 

Well, he looked really serious saying this. 

Maybe it makes some sense, with all his mechanic parts…

“I’m Shuichi Saihara, and I was the next one to wake up here. I was 25 years old at the time of my death. I worked as a detective.” Declared the guy wearing a suit.

“Kirumi Toujou. I remember being 26 years old when I lost my life. I was a maid.” Vouched the grey haired one.

“Himiko Yumeno. 24 years. I was a…. mage.” The Unicorn believer sighed.

“Tenko Chabashira! Tenko had recently turned 23! She lived in a temple and instructed people on neo aikido and some other martial arts sometimes!” The fashion disaster yelled.

“Maki Harukawa. 23, but close to completing 24. Child caregiver.” Grunted the person wearing cardigans.

“Korekiyo Shinguji. 24. Anthropologist.” Claimed the masked person.

They then looked at him, waiting for his introduction.

Age huh? Well, Ryoma was supposed to spend 10 years in prison before he was executed right? And he was imprisoned when he was 18...

“Ryoma Hoshi. No idea of my age when I died, because I lost track of time in prison, but I should probably be somewhere around 28 years. I was a prisoner, but before that I was a tennis player, I guess.”

“So, the oldest of us...” Said the maid.

“That’s right. So, why are we gathered here? This looks like a… _Really_ weird bunch...”

“Yeah, it’s hard to explain and,” The detective started explaining “We don’t really know if they’re trustworthy but-”

The TV then turned on. 

“Ah, just at the right time!” He continued “Let’s pay attention to it’s contents for now ok?”

A vignette started playing on the tv.

It had “ _Extend tv_ ” written on it.

Then, some cartoon bears showed up. 

All of them had two colors. 

Half of them was white, the other half was the brownish color the tv had.

A few had some accessories like, one of them had a scarf, other had glasses, but Ryoma couldn’t care less about identifying them at all. Just remembering the names of the people in the group Ryoma found himself in would already be enough work for now.

“ _Rise and shine Ursine! Welcome to extend TV!”_

“ _Now that all of the problem kids have woken up it’s time for us to explain some important stuff, so, reintroducing ourselves, I’m Monotaro!”_

“ _I’m the cutest one! Monophanie!”_

“ _I’m the smart one, Monosuke.”_

“ _I-AM-MONODAM”_

“ _This gorgeous bear right here is Monokid! As you probably know, y'all fuckers are sinners that have died and this is-”_

“ _Monokid! We shouldn’t be so mean!”_

_“This world is a purgatory, and you all have been given this new chance of improving from our dad, god himself!”_

_“That technically makes us gods for you as well, by the way.”_

_“You will endure this survival test to surpass your sins! You can turn this place into hell or heaven, it will all depend on your actions!”_

“ _Each of you has a ruin related to your sins, in each there is an important item you need to retrieve. You have a time limit of three years to clear all ruins.”_

“ _A-NEW-SIN-RELATED-RUIN-WILL-ARRIVE-EVERY-THREE-MONTHS!”_

“ _So you suckers have a lot of time to get through them, and even if you get stuck on one, you can always wait for the next one to appear! And tackle the one you had trouble beating later!”_

“ _EACH-TIME-YOU-CLEAR-A-SINS-RUINS-YOU-WILL-BE-REWARDED.”_

“ _And, really well, by the way!”_

“ _And the first sin ruin has already appeared near your island!”_

“ _That takes us for your next mission!”_

“ _You all have these X shaped keys in your belly button right? They are gifts from our Father! They are miraculous keys that allow you to-”_

“ _BE-REBORN-STRONGER-AND-KEEP-YOUR-MEMORIES”_

“ _That’s right! That’ll be essential to your survival from now on. You’ll need to cooperate-”_

“ _These fuckers all need lots of therapy so it’ll be fun to watch all of the fights-”_

“ _They’ll soon learn that by competing they’ll get nowhere since all of them have important skills necessary for their survival. Cooperating is the smartest solution.”_

“ _Yeah, their group has more balanced personalities after all so they’re unlikely to fight that much.”_

“ _Still, it’ll be a bit hard to make these fuckers even cooperate at all, most of them are loners.”_

“ _However, if they do they’ll all learn very important things they need to know from each other! This will practically work as a group therapy! So lovely!”_

“ _Anyway for their next mission, one of them needs to-”_

“ _DIE”_

“ _I’m sure some of them will be eager to that, but don’t think death will end everything in this world since-”_

“ _THE-X-KEYS-MAKES-THEM-ABLE-TO-EXTEND.”_

“ _You all have seen the extend machine right? That arcade machine near the garage? When you die, Your memories and souls will be kept in the X-keys! You put them into that machine and if you have enough resources, you will be able to be reborn as kids!”_

“ _And that’ll be vital to conquer the ruins!”_

“ _The sins ruins have deadly creatures and animals on it, so you’ll die a lot. Don’t think they are friendly, all of them are your foes and will go out of their way to kill you.”_

_“Each time you die, you get a resistance against what killed you! We call that shigabane!”_

“ _All of them already have some really interesting shigabane already right?”_

“ _Yeah… Related to their last memories”_

“ _Oh yeah, we forgot to say that due to your trauma, you probably lost quite a lot of your past memories. If you don’t remember things about your past, that’s normal!”_

_“Only remembering specific things is normal as well!”_

_“Don't overthink much! As you watch Extend TV, and explore your sins ruins, some of your memories will surely return!"_

_"To cooperate properly, you will need to think as if your past lives hadn't existed at all!"_

_"Think of it as your new chance! As a whole new life!"_

_"As if you were only just born! As if you never had sinned!"_

_"That is right! This is why we all always refer to you as kids! Even if you all technically should have the mindset you had at the ages you died!"_

_"So take it easy! Don't judge the others much! That will be vital for you from now on"_

_"If you succeed all trials properly, you shall find great things waiting for you!"_

“ _But beware! Don’t let everyone in your team die or that’s game over for you! And you’ll have no way to go to heaven!”_

_“At least someone needs to survive and go back to the extend machine to revive the x keys! And try to not damage your keys as well!”_

“ _Oh yeah, the extend machine is still incomplete. In the sins ruins, you’ll find the parts you need to complete it!”_

“ _As you die and get new machine parts, you’ll be able to-”_

“ _Wait, we’re not supposed to say that yet”_

“ _Oh no. We fucked up!”_

“ _Father will get angry at us!”_

The bears looked really nervous.

“ _...Let’s focus on the current mission for now, then we delve on the machine parts later”_

“ _Alright then! At least one of you needs to die!”_

“ _That’s all for now!”_

“ _Remember kids!”_

“ _ILLUMINATE”_

“ _A brighter future”_

“ _For Humanity”_

“ _So long, Bear Well!”_

The tv turned off.

It was too much to sink in.

First of all, it felt _really_ fake.

Really... _cheap_.

To begin it, there was no way a god existed. 

Ryoma thought the idea of a higher being existing was dumb.

He believed more in science, getting to know your surroundings through in depth analysis.

That tv show was probably some kind of joke. Ryoma thought that that was the most likely possibility.

But, judging by these bears and their eagerness to ask for their death, while giggling and joking around, there maybe _was_ a small chance they _were_ godly beings. 

And Ryoma always looked at these beings wrongly. 

People said these or this kind of being was supposed to be kind, and good. 

Wanting peace. Instead, here there were _their_ current ‘gods’

Really cruel, wicked ones. That enjoyed suffering. Despair. Toying with lives.

Honestly, if they _were_ gods, lots of stuff in Ryoma’s past would make sense. The unfairness and cruelty of the world would make sense.

And Ryoma would reject these gods at all costs. He didn’t want to be associated with them at all. He wouldn’t obey them.

But, if these bears spoke the truth and he had this x-key thing in his belly, he was trapped at their schemes for now. 

Ryoma lifted his shirt and tried to look at his belly button.

And there he saw. 

An x-shaped key… 

Just like the one fashion disaster had.

There was a silence in the room.

“So... You all just trust and obey this _cartoon_ without much thought?”

Everyone was silent but then the detective started speaking.

“We know it’s hard to believe but so far it is our only lead... We _are_ on a deserted island none of us knew before… We haven’t found any clues about where it is... And since we all remember dying…”

… As fishy as all of this sounded he _did_ remember that as well. 

And being in purgatory didn’t seem to be a _bad_ explanation for all... _this_.

“Then… Is it true all of us have these keys?”

“Yeah… Mine is a bit different from yours, but all of us have one. We tried to take them off but they actually seem to have merged with our bodies completely” The cyborg said lifting up his shirt. In his bellybutton, there was an black, X shaped key that had a small blue light coming from underneath it, just like his cybernetic parts. The people with no exposed midriff then raised their shirts and showed their own keys.

Ryoma then tried to pull his own key and it didn’t seem to budge. It also hurt a lot.

Weirdly, he had no idea what material it was made of. It _looked_ like plastic, but upon contact, it felt more like it was some kind of metal.

So at least _that part_ is not a lie.

“So, you think that we should trust a cartoon saying for us to die again? How do they even know if we completed our missions?”

“We tried searching for cameras or anything of the like to know if there’s a chance we’re being watched and this ending up to be some sort of really messed up reality show but we found none…” The detective replied “So if what they say about a god being involved is true, everything we do might as well be watched by them…” Everyone felt a bit unnerved by the implications of this. “Still, asking for our death… Is way more brutal and seems way more unfair than the chores they asked us before… I’m not sure I want to experience dying again...”

The others nodded in silence.

“We have no resources left so it might be interesting to at least go explore the ruin they said that arrived…” The maid suggested “Or else, we’ll starve...“ 

They all still seemed reluctant.

“They said there were dangerous creatures here right? Shouldn’t we have some kind of weapon?” The anthropologist questioned.

“Nyeh, there’s nothing really we can use as one around here besides, maybe, these pipes we found… And these rusty knives I guess... It’s going to be really risky...” The mage spoke.

“Worry not! Tenko will protect you and the other ladies with neo aikido!” The neo aikido teacher assured.

“We should take them. They’re better than nothing. We have no idea what awaits us...” The detective suggested.

The group nodded and started walking to... somewhere. 

Ryoma followed them.

They arrived at a huge metal container.

"Oh, yeah, this is where we're storing the stuff we found around the island that we think might be useful, we call it our warehouse. I'll show you our other facilities after this." Said the detective.

They opened the container.

It was… 

Mostly empty. 

It had two metal pipes, some pieces of cloth, two backpacks, a few sheets, futons and pillows, a few empty plastic bottles, some toys, some cleaning items and some cookware.

There were few knives, most of them seemed rusted. Using them would be very difficult.

The child caregiver picked up a rusted knife.

The cyborg picked a pipe and one of the backpacks.

The detective picked up a rusted cleaver.

"We found all this on some of the island deserted houses. A few of them have stuff like fridges and microwaves, computers and some other things, but with no electricity they aren't really of use to our survival…” He explained. “We used up all of the food resources we found on them so far… Anyways, pick something to protect yourself" He swinged the cleaver he was holding "If there was anything we could use to sharpen them and remove their rust they could be way more useful…"

Ryoma picked a flat cast iron frying pan. It felt familiar to hold, like a tennis racket, but had a certain heaviness to it.

“Oh, that actually does seem to be good to use as a weapon. Which, thinking about it...” The self-proclaimed mage spoke as she picked up a metal _kendama_. “This might be as well.”

“You’re so smart Yumeno-san!!” The aikido teacher blurted.

“Aren’t you going to pick a weapon?” The ‘mage’ asked.

“Nope! I’m fine for now! The stuff we have would end up troubling me more than helping!!” She replied. “But since I’m strong I’ll help by carrying the other backpack!” She then took it.

"We should take a few empty bottles as well. If there’s any emergency, we might be able to use them as… emergency bathrooms, or use them to fish or gather stuff. It would be great if we managed to find any ropes, they can be really useful...” The anthropologist said as he took a pipe.

The maid then simply picked a few bottles and a sheet.

Is she going to use a sheet as her weapon? How weird. But, maybe it can be used as some kind of net or something. Or she might use it to store stuff, making an improvised bag… What were these called again? Furoshiki?

“So, where do you think the ruin is?” The redhead asked.

“Actually, when we were searching around for the last mission, we caught sight of another island near one of the beach entrances we have here… It is huge, and really seemed to come out of nowhere. It surely wasn’t here yesterday…” The detective commented.

“Still it seemed too far for us to simply walk to...” The child caregiver added “Maybe we can reach it by swimming?” 

The aikido teacher visibly trembled.

“It would tire us too much, and if we take too long it might damage Idabashi-kun’s body…” Reminded the maid “We also would get soaked and we aren’t able to change our clothes at all. And we don’t know if there are sharks or something dangerous nearby… Swimming would be too risky.”

The aikido girl seemed relieved.

“Maybe we can use the fridges we found as boats?” The detective suggested.

“Nyeh, wouldn’t we’d need like… 8 of them? If they do float.” The ‘mage’ complained “And carrying them would take forever… How are we even going to control where they go? This sounds like a pain”

“Maybe building a raft with these barrels we have near the garage?” The anthropologist suggested.

“Still, we have no rope or wood or anything we can use to finish the raft around here…” The child caregiver remarked.

“Oh, I just remembered! There’s that banana boat I found!” The cyborg exclaimed “It said it can hold up to 10 people!”

“Nyeh? Aren’t those meant to be towed?” Grunted the mage “Also, we don’t have any life jackets... Not to mention it’ll be a pain to fully pump it...”

“We don’t really have any better options. Maybe we can row it...” The maid replied.

“Alright, banana boat is it then!” The detective affirmed and looked around the warehouse. “...Where have we stored it?”

“Oh, I put it in my room since I liked how it looked and no one seemed interested in it at the time!!” The cyborg explained.

“The dorms then?” The maid asked as she picked up some futons, a pillow and a few sheets. “I might as well prepare the last room while we’re at it…”

They left the warehouse. 

As they walked to their destination, the detective tried to explain their lodging to Ryoma.

"We've decided it's better we stay together, but still allow each person to have their own space, so we're using this building that has 6 floors and is near here. The sixth floor is totally destroyed and half of the first floor is uninhabitable as well, but there are 9 usable flats on it.”

“The rooms have decent sizes. Each floor has 2 flats, but since most of the usable ones are occupied by now you can only choose between staying in floor 5, with Chabashira as your neighbor, or floor 1, which everyone avoided because bugs can get there really easily _and_ we’re afraid it might get flooded if it rains too much, since there are some water marks on its wall.” The maid explained.

“I mean, not much of a problem for me, but if I can choose… Maybe some more comfort would be better” 

“Alright. Floor 5 is it then.”

“Tenko guesses she might be fine with being neighbors with a degenerate, since the floor view _is_ nice and no one _deserves_ to stay on floor 1… That is, as long as he doesn’t try to _peep_ and stays in his room!” 

_Oh_ , maybe that’s why no one picked this floor before.

Now, _this_ could turn into a problem. 

“Anyway, our bathrooms are near it as well, we can’t use the ones in the building because it seems it’s water system is damaged…” The maid tried to change the subject. ”I’d recommend using them before we leave, we don’t know the next time we’ll be able to use a proper one..." 

“Yeah, going to a bathroom is already complicated, so the days without a proper bathroom were really… _Stressful…_ ” The ‘mage’ trembled.

They arrived near the building. 

It looked decently big, not too tall, and was covered in moss outside, but it seemed like it’d be a pretty building if it wasn’t so destroyed. 

They walked upstairs. 

Seems the cyborg’s room was on floor 3.

Except the maid, who went to prepare Ryoma’s room, everyone else entered the room.

It was… Surprisingly big, and seemed decently cozy. 

Way better than the places Ryoma had to sleep in in the past 10 years.

Everyone gathered around the banana float. 

It looked really _uncomfortable_... 

But, they had no other choice.

The cyborg focused on fully pumping it.

It seems his robotic hand had a propeller he was using to speed things up.

“Is there anything we can use as paddles around here?” Asked the child caregiver

“Tenko thinks maybe we can use cleaning shovels? Tojo-san surely has a few in her room!”

“Nyeh, that actually sounds like a not that bad idea…”

“Yeah, it might work…” The detective remarked.

“Nyeh, by the way I’m going to drop to my room to keep my boots there, I’m _not_ going to risk ruining them or losing them.” The mage said as she slipped out of the room.

“Actually, it might be smarter if we all keep our shoes here for now and take our jackets and accessories off, we don’t know if we can risk losing these...” The detective commented as he walked away. “I’m going to store mine in my room”

One by one, everyone left the room.

Ryoma was left with the cyborg.

He didn’t know what to say until the cyborg finished pumping the float.

“Help me take it outside!” The cyborg said as Ryoma tried his best to help take it to the ground floor. Not that the float was heavy, but it was so light and lengthy that any gust would probably make it fly away.

As they arrived at the ground floor, they awaited for the others.

Soon after, the aikidoka and the maid appeared with some cleaning shovels. 

They waited until everyone regrouped and then took the float to the beach where people had sighted the island.

As Ryoma saw it, he couldn’t believe his eyes.

_That_ island was _undoubtedly_ the same island his prison was in. 

But it looked like it had been completely abandoned _ages_ ago.

That some type of apocalypse had happened there. 

First, there was a small forest growing there. 

The trees weren’t as big as the buildings yet, probably the reason you could still see them. But the buildings themselves...

Some of them looked totally _flipped_ out, it didn’t seem _real_. 

It should be physically impossible right? 

Some of them looked like they had been plucked out of the ground and a few were completely upside down. 

_Yeah._

_Maybe hell exists. And this was it. It was already hellish back then..._

Ryoma kept this information to himself. The others didn’t need to know that he knew the place or why he knew it.

They paddled their way to the island. The boat was really uncomfortable. Some seasalt and hair entered a few people’s eyes, and almost everyone complained for a bit.

The trip didn’t take _too_ long thankfully, so no one had time to become seasick. 

They placed the shovels at the ground, signaling where they arrived.

When they looked better at their surroundings, Ryoma couldn’t help but feel the vegetation was... _odd_.

What even _were_ these plants? He surely didn’t recognize anything but the coconut and banana trees. 

And there was a plant with a red fruit that looked like an eye, it was really unnerving.

“Oh, are these Cashew trees? These probably are Guarana? I think I can see Acai palm trees as well...” The detective looked really intrigued. “There are also coconut and banana trees here, I think it’s safe to say this place belonged to a tropical country…”

“Indeed. I’d say it’s probably situated somewhere in South America if these have grown naturally, but we can’t be sure yet…”The anthropologist spoke. “We should check for roots later, these can be really useful for us, even if some are poisonous if not prepared well.” 

South America?

He was certain his prison was an artificially created island that was in a place never revealed to the public but he doesn’t remember that being near South America, but he doesn’t know exactly where it was at all.

“Well, we should grab some of these fruits then, they will be useful.” The child caregiver suggested.

“Tenko… Never really had any of these... Tenko wonders if she’ll be able to eat them… She knows she’s allergic to nuts and grains...”

“Nyeh, I’m not sure if I’ll like them either… I can’t stand most fruits-” The redhead was complaining as she was cut in.

“Well, this is not about likes. If we don’t eat them, we’ll starve to death. It’s what it takes to survive. What matters right now is if they’re dangerous for us or not.” The child caregiver cut them. “But, Allergies _are_ a valid concern...”

“We need to explore more right? To see what else we can find.” The cyborg tried to change the subject. “Maybe we can find stuff we were more used to eat...”

So they ventured into the deeper parts of the small jungle.

There was something _weird_ about that forest.

The animals here looked like they were always out to get the group’s lives, even animals that _should_ be calm or just run away, like sheep and squirrels. 

Why were there sheep there? They’re _not_ tropical at all. 

The aikidoka managed to hurl some of them away and even knocked some out, but they still kept going after them, so her efforts were useless..

So, they kept running away from them, because most people felt it wouldn’t be fair to seriously harm these animals. 

And no one really felt like they could take down a tiger or a grizzly bear, and thankfully none of these had really spotted them yet, they had seen them from afar and completely avoided their way.

Why there even _were_ grizzly bears and tigers in this place, it was something nobody understood. It made no sense. 

No one knew where they were anymore, because they had started seeing fruits and plants like cherries, apricots, blueberries, apples, mangos, strawberries, lychees, oranges, grapes, avocados, lettuce, turnips, watermelons, and some really weird looking ones Ryoma had never seen before and was actually surprised someone in the group was able to identify like jaboticabas, passion fruit, jackfruits, and rambutans. According to them, there was literally no place they knew that could grow all these naturally and so close to each other. 

Or if there even was a place that was able to sustain them all at all, some of these were from completely different climates. 

Weirdly, there were never many of them, as most had been eaten by animals or hadn’t matured yet so they could only get a few samples of each plant.

Eventually, they couldn’t avoid a few animals anymore, like these smart squirrels that kept going back after them even after being knocked out and the anthropologist killed them because they were getting unavoidable.

He then insisted to try and take them for their fur, fat and meat later, since they could be important resources.

“Don’t you feel at least a _little_ bad about them? Ugh, typical degenerate...” The aikido teacher rambled.

“They are already dead. These resources might be important for our survival. We still don’t have many materials.” Was all he replied.

She still looked really conflicted, but the others let him put the squirrels on the bag.

After a while, it was getting darker outside so they decided to return to their base before it became too late for them to see where they were going in the middle of the woods. 

When they arrived at the beach, to the place they let the shovels in, they realized their mistake.

Everyone forgot about the boat. 

And the boat was nowhere to be found.

“My banana boat! Did it float away?” The cyborg spoke, his sadness clear.

“ _Heck_ !” Everyone was surprised by the source of the _language_ : The detective that had been so formal up to now. “ _Sorry_ , we’ll have to camp for now and think about what we can do next.” He suggested “Our safest bet is to try and find an abandoned building and stay here for the night... At least there are trees and vines so we _can_ build a raft this time…”

“Nyeh, that’s too much work, it’d be a pain…” The redhead complained. “I think I saw a flipped down lighthouse there, so maybe there are boats on the island? We could search for one as well, it would be quicker and easier.”

“Amazing idea! As expected from Yumeno-san! Tenko suggests once we find the base, we split the team in two groups of four people so we can try to cover the place better, and use the base as a meeting point!” The aikidoka said eagerly “Walking with 8 people at the same time takes too much effort for us to hide and run in this forest and makes us more vulnerable…”

“That’s an idea, but we need to find a proper base before that...” The child caregiver added.

There are places on the island Ryoma thinks would be likely to have boats and a possible safe spot to use as a base... But he isn’t sure if he wants to reveal to them that he knew this island and _why_ he knew it.

But walking around in the forest with no idea where they were going, especially at night, was going to be way worse, and more risky.

He was the _only_ person that could have some idea of where they could go.

There are 7 people that might need to rely on him, because they have nowhere else to go. And Ryoma isn’t so selfish he’d let them all get lost in a dangerous place.

He takes a deep breath, then sighs. He is going to have to willingly go back to that prison for the sake of everyone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Each character is supposed to have 2 chapters focused on them and I have all chapter names thematically planned, but this one was really long since it also works as a prologue so I'm dividing it on two parts so it is easier to read. One stormy night - Part two will be published as soon as I get more of the bulk of Ryoma's chapter 2 written! It might take a while but will be definitely posted this monthm since it's already on a draft here.  
> Actual Ryoma part two might take some time for me to make bc I keep thinking I am not conveying the emotions well enough and am awful at descriptions, specially in another language, and am trying to write fights but oh well. I am going to train these with a smaller project on my own language. But I will try to publish it by next month.  
> Please tell if there is any warning I forgot to write bc sometimes it is hard to think about what applies as a warning.


	2. one stormy night part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> things are getting fruity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> how does english even work I'm never sure if I'm writing it right; This took way longer than I expected to post...  
> I think I'm halfway through the next chapter! And it's... turning out to be bigger than this one so I might need to split it as well. I'm not fully satisfied with it or this one but I am working on many other chapters as well so in order for it to not take me years writing this I'll need to speed up and post that one as soon as I finish it. I hope the next chapter is better than this one at least...

“I think I know a good place for us to find a base but... It might be full of… _opponents_ , but might be worth the risk. Follow me.”

He started walking towards the prison, hoping to find their way to the port area.

“Oh. Going to the biggest building around here is surely a way to find a base, but it still feels too risky, you think we’re ready for that?” The detective asked.

“I mean, do you know what’s worse than bears and tigers?”

“Degenerate males, of course!” The aikido teacher shouted immediately.

“Snakes, Hippos, Cassowaries, Elephants, Wolf packs. If even _squirrels_ are being this aggressive to us, I have no idea how we’d manage to run from animals that were already really dangerous or live in packs…” The child caregiver spoke in a serious tone.

“To tell the truth, these would actually be _really_ bad, but I was thinking about... _Cops…_ So maybe the ‘degenerate males’ line was actually closer to what I thought in hindsight.”

“Yeah, that’s a valid concern as well.” The child caregiver blurted, as she placed a hand in her chin. “We probably _are_ trespassing… and poaching...”

“Anyway, I think I know this island. I don’t remember this vegetation and fauna at all, but most buildings look almost exactly as the ones I remember seeing in my past… Except most of them are now upside down or have fallen, somehow. I can’t be sure it’s the same place, but if it is, that main building is the prison I spent the last ten years of my life in… If it’s the case, I heard that they had an underground passage to get to the port, and we had no access to it, because of the security. If there’s no one there, maybe we can get to it...”

“Yeah, that sounds like a lead.” The cyborg nodded in understanding.

“Wow, if it is a prison then it feels and looks way bigger than the ones Tenko went to… How weird..”

“Nyeh, you went to _jail_ ? For _what_?” The redhead suddenly looked really scared.

“At the temple we believed that prisons are inhumane! They are too cruel! Sure, people do need to make up for their actions and some people _do_ need to be punished or exilated when they’ve done something unredeemable.” The aikidoka started speaking. “But many crimes aren’t that vicious and the way people are treated in prisons end up making most people worse than when they came in!” 

Honestly, it makes sense in a way. 

Someone that gets arrested for, like, stealing food probably isn’t evil, just hungry and desperate. And going to a prison will only make that despair grow and make them feel wronged by the world.

But what Ryoma did _was_ unredeemable. 

“We believe there are better ways for people to be rehabilitated! So we went to visit prisoners sometimes, and give them some hope and say that they were welcome at our temple if they wanted to when they left!” The aikidoka commented. 

“Nyeh? So, you have no problem hanging out with _criminals_?” The ‘mage’ looked really surprised. “Then, why are you so hateful of males?”

“There are countless reasons! They eat all your pudding! They don’t wash their dishes or clothes! They-” The aikidoka was then cut by another comment.

“None of these sound like important things. They seem really petty reasons actually.” The child caregiver seemed to have almost no patience left at this point.

“This prison is bigger than most because it was an artificial island made for people deemed unredeemable, unfit for society. The worst kind of criminals. 

Not for small thieves, but for criminals like assassins, serial killers, sex offenders… It was hidden from common folk knowledge. And there was no way to escape from it. The cops around here were merciless.” 

“Oh, so the weird vegetation and fauna _may_ make some sense.” Something seemed to have clicked on the detective’s mind as he kept explaining. “Maybe they were trying to simulate many ecosystems here, with some genetically modified plants… And if the wild animals served as a security measure, would make sense for them to be so aggressive...” 

It… Made sense, really. It’s not like they had any access to the part that was the jungle back at the prison. And he knew no one managed to escape alive, so maybe there _were_ animals used as security...

They approached the main building, but when they got close enough to look through the half rusted iron grids and saw the field area… Where there should be prisoners, or cops...

There were _things_ they wish they hadn’t seen. 

Creatures they don’t even know how to describe.

They _looked_ human. But they had some really weird, _gross_ , tentacle _things_ , on parts of them. 

Some on an arm, some on their back, some on their legs, which made some of them look like they were half snake or something, some on their necks, bellies or where their tongues should be… 

And the tentacles seemed to do different things. 

A few spit some kind of yellow liquid, some spit a gas they thought was probably poisonous. And Ryoma thinks he saw a few of the tentacles stretch a bit.

“Nyeh, Maybe they are zombies?” The mage questioned.

They surely _felt_ like how people depicted zombies.

“Well, in a way _we are_ zombies _too_ right? We can’t be sure if they are _malicious…_ Tenko was taught to not judge people by their looks!” The martial artist commented.

“I mean, we can’t be sure they aren’t like us yet. They just might be… Infested by _something_?” The detective added.

“What if whatever that is is contagious? Approaching them might be dangerous.” The child caregiver commented.

“Well, we should at least try to reach the nearest building we find. It could have some information.” The maid suggested.

They walked a bit more and entered a small lookout post.

And found nothing but a small tv inside it. The tv turned on.

That _annoying_ tune played out _again_.

“ _Rise and shine ursine! Welcome to extend TV!”_

_“Hey kids! Congratulations on reaching here!”_

_“Had fun exploring the island?”_

_“Things are beary fruity here! You’re lucky to have access to so many fruits this early!”_

_“Yeah, but relying on them won’t be possible, since they take a while to grow. You will need to fight animals and get some meat to eat!”_

_“I’d recommend sheep, they’re quite tasty and you get to use their wool to make other things!”_

_“I hope these suckers use their resources to make wine or something, fruits that have not fermented are_ boring _! Meat is way better anyways.”_

_“While they can, it would also waste a lot of resources so I’d advise against it for now.”_

_“You’re so_ boring _, Monosuke! Let them get drunk, it’ll be way more entertaining for us!”_

 _“Well, Monokid got a point. It would be_ way _funnier to watch them getting drunk!”_

_“YOU-ARE-FREE-TO-DRINK-BUT-BE-CAREFUL-WITH-ADDICTION!”_

_“Oh, yeah… We’d advise these that had… Drinking problems to avoid drinking! But since they have no easy access to alcohol it probably won’t be much of a problem now.”_

At this point Ryoma stopped paying attention to whatever they were speaking since it didn’t seem important.

Seemed they were talking about drink types, fruits they liked or something that didn’t matter to Ryoma at all.

Ryoma didn’t like these bears. 

He wouldn’t fall for their trick of trying to win their trust by being funny and saying things that may help them survive when it was them that put them in this situation in the first place.

But eventually, one key word they said caught Ryoma’s attention again.

 _“Anyways, we know that since you got here you probably saw the_ creatures _!”_

_“Now, this is where things start getting truly hard!”_

_“Yeah, fighting most animals is way easier than dealing with these_ creatures _after all.”_

_“They have some really useful weapons and tricks poor regular humans don’t.”_

_“Like acid, poisons of many kinds, or piercing limbs...”_

_“THEY-FEEL-NO-PAIN-AS-WELL”_

_“And most of them have no consciousness or conscience and will attack anything they hear or see. They might even attack each other!”_

_“So don’t try and act friendly with them! You might have a better chance being friendly with the animals but even then, good luck fighting their nature and learned behavior!”_

_“Or_ try _to act friendly with them, watching it backfire will be_ hilarious _!”_

_“Anyway, the only way to get around creatures is either defeating them or running from them. They will always attack, especially humans.”_

_“And, you may ask, ‘is that contagious?’”_

_“Well, technically it_ is _, but your X-keys will keep you safe from that! But we can only explain this later, our time is up!”_

“ _Remember kids”_

“ _ILLUMINATE”_

“ _A brighter future!”_

“ _For humanity!”_

“ _So long! Bear Well!”_

Well, this took a while. They should have said this way earlier and gone directly to this point. It was… A waste of their precious time.

“Do you… Think these bears are lying?” The aikidoka asked.

“Let’s throw something at them and see how they react!” The cyborg suggested.

“Don’t you think it may be dangerous?” The detective reacted.

“Actually. It might work if we throw it from a safe distance.” The child caregiver commented. “We could use the pipes as blowguns... or something.”

The group tried to find a rather safe spot to do the experiment. One where they could see the creatures while they wouldn’t be able to spot them.

The cyborg then used his propellers with the pipe and shot a small rock aiming at a wall, and the rock bounced off of it.

Some creatures gathered and attacked the place the rock fell at, and each other.

A few seemed to be defeated in the process, and maybe the acid one of them spit was really strong, because the ones that fell on it... _melted_.

Once they realized they were attacking nothing in particular, they seemed to scatter once again.

“Ok, Here’s a new theory based on what the bears told us. The animals might be attacking us this much because they have learned to associate humans to these creatures…” The detective commented. 

“So we have no way to prove the cause of their aggressiveness for now...” The Anthropologist commented.

“Indeed.” The maid remarked.

They decided to back down. They didn't want to approach these creatures any soon.

There was no way they could enter the building and take down all of these.

As they walked, there was a certain unease in the air.

When they got at a safe enough distance, eventually _someone_ voiced their thoughts.

“So, what do we do now?” The aikidoka asked.

“Try to find a smaller place to camp and make a fire before we can’t see anything. Hopefully this will keep animals out…” The maid replied.

“But, what are we even supposed to do here? If they asked us to take down these ruins, we will eventually have to find a way to defeat or get past these…” The teacher sounded defeated.

“Weren’t you saying you’d protect me and the ladies earlier? Why are you giving up that easily? Are you all bark?” The mage bluntly replied to her. She then whispered to herself, probably a bit louder than she intended. “And here I thought you might be brave... How… _Disappointing_.” The aikidoka looked like she was going to cry.

“No… _That’s_ ... _That’s... not it_ … Tenko means, Neo Aikido is an art that is meant to _protect_ , not to _kill_ , so she could probably throw some of them away and strike them with preemptive attacks and knock them unconscious but… Tenko just _can’t_ take _lives_ , alright?” The pain on her voice sounded _genuine_ . Like she was going through a life crisis now. Ryoma felt bad for her. “Even the ones that belong to degenerates. Tenko made a vow. And even if it turns out they _aren’t_ human, they still _look_ human and are still _alive_ … But Tenko’s still ready to protect you and those that need it until her body takes its final breath!” 

“The animals are out there to kill us, and the creatures probably are as well. It’s survival of the fittest. You’ve seen how even after being thrown out or knocked, when they woke up, they still kept trying to attack us, so just throwing them or avoiding them will be useless and unnecessarily tire us.” The anthropologist spoke “The wisest way for now would be to face them head on. Would you be unwilling to seriously harm them, even if it was in self-defense or to save other lives?”

“Yeah! Because Tenko promised to her master to see all beings as equal! And to not see nature as evil or bad! Her master said there was always a way to avoid senseless deaths!” 

“Hm, _senseless_ , you say? That is surely a noble and interesting mindset... But, I’m afraid I and others here don’t share it.” Was all the anthropologist could muster to her. He turned to the redhead. “Hey, you said you were a magician right? Are you familiar with escapology or creating distractions or mechanisms?”

“Nyeh, I’m a mage! Magic is real! But I _am_ familiar with them, why?”

“Right, I thought we could use your ‘magic’ knowledge to help make traps.” He replied. ”Trapping foes somewhere would be our other option to deal with them while not using brute strength and wasting too much energy, since it seems the strongest person there won’t help us. But I only know how to do snares, making baits and overall distractions like smoke bombs would help us a lot.”

“Nyeh, it sounds like a fair option. If we find enough resources I’ll make them. But you will need to install and use them on your own.”

“I do hope we find resources to make them, they would be really useful...” The maid replied. ”Still, Chabashira-san, if you don’t want to take lives yourself, would you feel alright with holding our foes so others can take them down? It’s another possibility...”

“Tenko… is _not_ sure.” She seemed really pained... “But she will try her best to do so if that’s what the ladies want…”

“Thank you Chabashira-san.” The maid replied in a really sweet voice. “Now we need to hurry and find a safe spot”

They kept going through the forest and eventually settled down a small base near a container they found.

There was TV inside it and it had a few bugs (were bugs supposed to be this big? Ryoma never saw a mosquito that was almost the size of an apple before but here they were) but thankfully none seemed really dangerous. 

They made a small bonfire outside the container, igniting some pines they found.

 _Most_ people huddled near it, since it felt warmer and safer near the fire, and bugs fled from it, but there were some exceptions:

The ‘mage’ wouldn't get anywhere near the fire. A bit weird, considering that she complained a lot on how she hated bugs. The aikidoka stayed by her side, claiming the smoke made it hard for her to breath.

They then divided the food so everyone ate equal amounts while still leaving some food for later. They decided it was better to leave the things they knew they liked for tomorrow.

The anthropologist and maid treated and cleaned the squirrels, and tried to roast their meat. 

Honestly, besides the cyborg, detective and anthropologist, who shared that smelly durian thing, nobody else seemed satisfied with the food they got.

Most fruits they didn’t know, they found the flavor weird. 

Like papaya. But it wasn’t as bad as some stuff Ryoma used to eat. At least he wasn’t stuck with that fruit that smelled like it was rotten… Even if it tasted good, Ryoma wouldn’t want to try that for now.

And without seasoning, the squirrel meat tasted really bland as well and was quite chewy.

But, none of them complained, since they were really hungry after the day and needed that energy. 

Some did have trouble eating and visibly gagged a bit at the different foods they tried. Notably, the aikidoka and the ‘mage’.

The group _tried_ sleeping, but most people weren’t even able to relax at all so they just left the container and kept resting near the bonfire as they gazed at the sky. 

It had many stars but none of them could recognize any constellation.

It was really quiet, besides the noises of the jungle that alerted them there were probably frogs, owls and crickets nearby. Nobody dared to talk anything, making any noise, to avoid waking anything up.

As the sun appeared however, the maid and the detective started screaming.

They screamed in agony as their body began acting really weirdly. Their hair was whitening, their bodies wrinkled a bit. And a stubble beard appeared on the detective’s chin.

After a while, it stopped.

They… had seemingly aged decades in mere minutes. They looked like they were in their 50’s at least.

The TV inside the container then turned on. 

Maybe it was battery powered? There were no visible electricity outlets nearby.

The extend TV vignette then appeared, and these _damned_ cartoon bears appeared again.

“ _Rise and shine ursine! Welcome to extend TV!”_

“ _So, a few of you might have noticed changes in your bodies, it usually comes with-”_

“ _INTENSE-PAIN”_

“ _Rest assured, in the bodies you are in, it is only natural!”_

_“After all, you sinners have a limited lifespan because you are clo-”_

_“Hey, we shouldn’t have slipped that yet! Dad will get mad at us!”_

_“Fuck! Well, if he asks, it was Monodam’s fault!”_

_“BUT-THE-ONE-WHO-SLIPPED-WAS-YOU-MONOKID!”_

_“Have you kids heard about Noah’s ark? Well, actually it doesn’t matter, all you need to know is that Noah was a dude that lived 950 years.”_

_“And you fuckers might wonder, ‘how was that possible?’ since most humans can barely get to reach their 100’s.”_

_“That’s because humanity was built to live eternally, but since you humans betrayed your orders and committed the original sin, you became mortals.”_

_“And then you kept on sinning and destroying stuff and turned your world into unhabitable hell, so your lifespan was shortened as a punishment.”_

_“And you sinners in particular will have a lifespan way shorter than most humanity until you all rid this world of your sins.”_

“Back to your life, _with a single_ exception _, each of you has three possible life stages: child, young adult, and middle aged”_

“ _YOU-GET-TO-LIVE-THREE-DAYS-IN-YOUR-CHILD-FORM, SEVEN-DAYS-IN-YOUR-YOUNG-ADULT-FORM, AND-FIVE-DAYS-IN-YOUR-MIDDLE-AGED-FORM”_

“ _When you reach the last day of the middle aged state you will die of age!”_

“ _So you basically live fifteen days, but thanks to the shigabane system, can get to live up to eighteen days!”_

_“You only need to die in each different life stage at least once!”_

“ _We had planned an elderly stage as well but it received poor results the other time we used it, so we have removed it from your test since you are going to fight harder stuff.”_

“ _You suckers are really lucky!”_

_“So don’t worry, death will be unavoidable for you! But it’s alright since you can extend your life in a new body!”_

_“BE-SURE-TO-DIE-IN-DIFFERENT-WAYS-SO-YOU-GET-STRONGER”_

_“Yeah, you can only get shigabanes from new deaths!”_

_“Dying from the same thing twice would be wasting the precious opportunity of dying in a new way!”_

_“So get creative in finding different ways to die!”_

“ _Remember kids”_

“ _ILLUMINATE”_

“ _A brighter future!”_

“ _For humanity!”_

“ _So long! Bear Well!”_

Weirdly, this video was _way_ shorter than the last one but it at least made more sense for most part. Especially since, Ryoma noticed, they only began with their religious talk after they slipped up something they shouldn’t, and if it was a way to distract them...

It made some sense.

There _might_ be a _logical_ explanation for all this after all. And Ryoma wanted to discover it.

But… Even then, not many things made sense.

After all, they had just seen the effect of aging right in front of them and as unbelievable as that felt, it _was_ pretty real. 

So. Assuming the cartoons were being honest for some of these things...

They had no escape from a quick death after all. 

If not by creatures, it would come from aging, or starving, or really, many things. 

But they never would live more than 18 days unless they completed their missions if what they were saying was true.

And these bears wanted them to die in many different ways. And said it so casually, so jokingly.

They were treated worse than... _Animals_ were…

How… _Sadistic_. And Ryoma had no way to run from them. Or to fight them. 

Ryoma felt really abandoned. And… _Small_. 

There was nothing he could do to change their situation.

So, in a way, even if there _was_ a logical explanation, they really _were_ like gods.

_How… Infuriating._

“Are... you guys ok?” The cyborg asked, scared.

“Weirdly, I think this felt more painful than my own death...” The maid added.

“I… _Think_ so too, but even if this hurts a _lot,_ I can’t help but feel a bit happy, since I have tried to grow a beard for a while... _”_ The detective replied.

“So… what do we do now? Will we try to search a boat or try to build a raft?” The anthropologist questioned.

“Nyeh, I think before anything…” The redhead spoke. “I’m… going to need to go to a bathroom...”

“We don’t have any, near here really.” The maid spoke. “Here, take this bottle.”

“Nyeh? How… _Gross_. I can’t do this with people looking at me at all...”

“You can try to do it at a certain distance from us.” The maid reassured with a gentle voice.

“Worry not! Tenko will come with you to protect you from any danger and from any _peeping_ degenerate!”

“Nyeh, I’d _really_ rather be alone at these times…”

“At the island, we knew it was rather safe but where we are now…” The maid commented “It really is too _risky_ to let anyone go by themselves… There should be at least someone within 3 meters of you in case of any danger.”

“Nyeh...” The redhead pouted then sighed. ”Ugh, _Fine_. But she has to promise she won’t peep either though.”

“What? Tenko would never!”

“Then why were you so eager to offer yourself?” The girl asked, seemingly a bit relieved, but confused.

“Tenko heard that true friendship was being able to go to the bathroom together! Stuff like peeing and taking baths together, it’s safer and more fun! Isn’t that right?” 

“Nyeh, _who_ the hell told you _these_ things?”

“A-are they wrong? Back at the temple some monks and other people that visited said so to me...”

“For people that like _privacy_ , they are? And while there are people who pee together, it’s usually at urinals in the men’s bathrooms... And these are _disgusting_.”

“Wait, it’s a _degenerate_ thing? Sorry… Still, I thought everyone liked onsen...“

“Nyeh, actually, if it’s stuff like onsen or sento, I guess it _would_ be alright for _most_ people… But I still can’t go to them.”

The two of them wandered into the forest until they couldn’t be heard anymore.

“I wonder just how many years Chabashira-san lived in a temple… She seems really… _Sheltered_ … at times.” The detective commented. “But, I can get Yumeno-san…”

“Anyway, while they aren’t here, what are we going to do?” The cyborg sounded a bit hurried. “Build a raft? Search for a ship? Do we split like they suggested?”

“It’s wiser for us to split for now. One side can search for the boat while the other tries to make a raft.” The maid commented “The raft side will need people with more… _knowledge_ on it. The search side will need more mobility and strength. So, I suggest me, Saihara-kun, Shinguuji-kun and Harukawa-san as the team to try and build a raft, and Idabashi-kun, Hoshi-kun, Yumeno-san and Chabashira-san as the searchers.”

The raft builders all agreed instantaneously, but the cyborg protested.

“Hey, why don’t you take Chabashira-san and let Harukawa-san with us? It’s going to be complicated for us to deal with her. And our team will have like, two backpacks…”

“She probably would not let us gather certain kinds of resources we’ll need.” The maid commented. ”And she won’t complain as much if she is next to Yumeno-san. I can make a furoshiki with the sheet I brought and use it as a backpack probably.”

“Can’t I at least stay in Harukawa-san’s place? _Please_? If Chabashira-san is on a team full of girls she is bound to complain less…”The cyborg pleaded. “And she won’t be able to complain that much about Hoshi-kun because he is the only one that already knows the island..”

“That makes sense. Alright then. Just a reminder of our plan.” The maid replied. ”We are going to return here when we gather all our resources or when it gets too dark. Alternatively, if we run into any emergency, we’ll return as well.”

“And I guess we are to return if we do find a ship, an emergency or when it gets too dark as well.”

“Exactly.” The maid affirmed. “Well, let’s leave now. We can’t risk losing much time.”

They left the place.

Ryoma was then left alone with the child caregiver. 

Neither said a thing.

The silence was broke a moment later by the audible complaints of the ‘mage’

“Nyeh, maybe risking ruining my boots would have been bett-” She stopped “Wait, where’s everyone?”

“They went to build a raft, and we were chosen to search the island for a boat.” The child caregiver explained.

“What! Be careful, Harukawa-san? How did Tojo-san allow you to be left on your own next to a _degenerate_ ! Wait, is she _alone_ in a team full of degenerates?”

“Some people can defend themselves, you know? Stop treating them as if they can’t” The child caregiver replied.

“Still, he’s a degenerate!” 

“Look, I’m getting _tired_ of this and you don’t seem to understand the situation we’re in so I’m going to have to explain it clearly to you.” The caregiver hissed. “To survive we’ll need to throw away our prejudices and cooperate with _everyone_ here. Or else, we’ll die _again_.”

“But-”

“You don’t need to actually _befriend_ them, _trust_ them or anything, but at least treating them decently would lessen a lot of our current problems.” She sounded calmer but she still seemed irritated by the situation. “Hoshi is the only one in our team that knows the places on this island we have a chance of finding a boat. That he is _still_ here is amazing really. The others insisted to leave ahead because they didn’t want to deal with your prejudices. I’m amazed he didn’t try to go to the other team.” 

Ryoma felt bad for the teacher. She looked really hurt now.

"Still! He’s a degenerate! A male! All they want to do is destroy girls' hearts, use them for doing chores while they sit eating all the snacks and receive all the praise, while your parents wonder why _you_ couldn’t be like _him_!"

“Oh, as expected. You’re clearly projecting your very _specific_ personal problems into all of them.” The child caregiver replied.

“Projecting? It’s not only _my_ problems, I helped way too many women in the past that had been betrayed by degenerates! These vile, _lustful_ and-”

"Well now, I for one can guarantee you I have felt no lust at all for more than a decade."

"WhaT? You must be lying! After all, you’re a sinner right?” The aikidoka replied.

“Nyeh.... If what these bears said is true, all of us are, really, including you. We don't know a single thing about each other and we shouldn't pretend we _do_. Don’t go assuming anyone here is a _good_ person.” The mage replied. 

“But how can I be sure if his sin _isn’t_ related to _lust_ or something of the like?”

“Nyeh, Even if it _is_ , it’s his _personal_ issue to solve, _not_ our place to meddle… If it matters so much to you it only makes you more likely to be the most dirty minded one here...”

“Tenko mind can’t be dirty! She was taught to cleanse it with neo-aikido training!”

“ _Sure_ , let’s go with that.” The child caregiver replied in an unamused tone.

“Nyeh… Hey, just... How much time did you spend at the temple and how much did you spend in like… _society_?”

“Hm? Tenko was sent to a temple when she was 12! And spent the rest of her life there! Why do you ask that?”

Well, it surely explains a _lot_. 

Everyone paused for a bit, seemingly understanding her a lot better with this reveal.

“Oh, I _deserve_ this... ”The child caregiver said, annoyed and rubbing her temples. ”Hey. weren’t there… you know, male monks at your temple or something? You think they were degenerate as well?” 

“WHAT?”

“So were there or not?” The caregiver asked again.

“They weren’t _degenerates_ ! They were _good_ people!”

“Why do you think that? You know many religious groups have some really… _unpleasant_ things underneath them right?” Something about the child caregiver tone implied she had experienced this firsthand... “Some of them brainwash people, and commit atrocities… Leaders take advantage of these in lower positions… There are predators, murderers, and all sorts of dangerous schemes under them...”

“Well, my temple wasn’t like that! Everyone is seen as equal! We even have celibacy vows for those not married and all!”

“Look, you probably got _lucky_ since it seems nothing too bad happened to you… But you know. People _lie_ . They manipulate others and do anything to get what they want. Even people you _think_ may be good. You’re too gullible for your own good so they _probably_ said these things to protect you from any harm, but I’ll let you know this.” She ranted. “With this mindset, you are causing a rift between us. We can’t refuse to cooperate with half of our group. Nobody here shares your viewpoints, so if you don’t let go of them, you won’t be able to get fully close to anyone here, you’re only making everyone uncomfortable and you’ll end up being alone if you keep being like this.” 

“Wait, so none of you trust Tenko?”

“Nyeh, don’t get it wrong but I don’t really trust anybody here. Trusting isn’t a smart idea. Everyone can betray or leave you behind, with the proper motivation.” The unicorn believer spoke.

“We still don’t know much about anyone here or who they really are. Anybody can lie. Even _you_ could be lying to us.” The child caregiver reminded “But we still need to cooperate with the largest bunch of people to survive. Do you understand that? Or do you want to die?”

Well, that's too much picking on someone for Ryoma. While the girl may be annoying sometimes, she doesn’t feel like she deserves to be treated like this.

“‘Hey there, are you alright? I think they might be going too far… Based on your reactions, I feel you might be the most _honest_ person around here actually, even if you are a bit childish.” Ryoma spoke as he tried to touch her arm.

What a mistake.

She threw him into a rather far bush.

And the fall, _hurt_. A lot. 

“Tenko is still an _adult_! She isn't a child, you degenerate!” She looked really angry right after throwing him. 

But then some kind of realization seemed to have hit her and she looked really serious and conflicted.

“See? This is exactly why most people here are afraid of you.” The child caregiver commented.

“ _Ack_! Tenko is… sorry. She was overwhelmed by her emotions… But, more importantly, Hoshi-san, are you-” She sounded really regretful as her voice was cut by the child caregiver.

“Just. _Shut up_ for now, let’s just move on ok? We already lost enough time.”

  
  


There was an awful air in the group as they ventured through the jungle.

So dense that you probably would be able to cut it with a knife if you tried.

Nobody dared to speak a word, and everyone followed Ryoma.

Chabashira was scared to get much closer to the group and trailed behind.

They tried walking around the beach area to see what they found. Eventually, they found a ‘cavern’ that was a disguised access to an underground area. 

They explored it carefully. 

It looked less destroyed than the immediate entrance was, but still had a few bats through it. There were security cameras all over, but all of them were turned off.

As they went forwards, they arrived at a lobby area with a rather modern looking tv.

The extend tv vignette turned on.

And these damned cartoon bears appeared _yet another time_.

But this time, the tv was colored and he could finally see the bears colors.

One was half pink, one half green, one half blue, one half red, and one half yellow.

They started talking.

_“Hey kids! It’s time for extend TV”_

_“Congratulations for actually managing to arrive here, suckers!”_

_“You did a great job arriving at this place!”_

_“This time, we’re watching one of your past videos”_

_“A quite ‘petite’ one this time huh?”_

_“Indeed! We could even name it an ‘Epitaph of a small winner’!”_

_“The winner part is questionable...”_

_“But he undeniably won a lot in his past!”_

_“And was then cut short, so suddenly!”_

_“Do you know who we’re talking about?”_

_“Everyone’s favorite tennis pro player of course!”_

_“Wrath part 1 – Remembrance!”_

The picture then changed to what looked like a puppet theater. The background had a cutesy yellow color.

Then, a cardboard cutout of someone who… Looked like Hoshi himself appeared on the screen.

One of the bears started narrating.

_“Ryoma Hoshi had everything he could ever dream of! A girlfriend he loved and was engaged to, an amazing and supportive family, a cute cat, and a promising future in tennis! He had been winning many championships.”_

These were accompanied by some cardboard silhouettes of his girlfriend, and family members, surrounded by cutouts of hearts and gold trophies.

_“But one day, Hoshi received a challenge, for entering a ship tournament. The matches were fixed but Hoshi dared to not follow then. He wanted to be rebellious. To challenge rules.”_

The colors of the yellow background then turned into a blood pink one.

_“Little did he know, he ended up messing with the mafia. And a really powerful one at that.”_

_“From one day to another, Hoshi found that his whole family was targeted, and killed by them. But his fiancee survived! He asked her to flee the country.”_

_“BUT-THEY-STILL-FOUND-AND-EXECUTED-HER”_

Hoshi just stopped paying attention to the screen at this moment. The images of the event appeared in his mind, flashes of all the sadness, guilt, anger, he felt, the pink blood still vivid in his mind.

_“Hoshi was devastated. He had nothing in his life anymore, so he decided to make justice with his own hands. So he targeted and mercilessly killed every single mafia member with a metal tennis ball.”_

As they talked, the memories of his crimes flashed Hoshi’s mind, and it was so gruesome, Hoshi felt a huge disgust of _himself_ take over him. He remembered when he saw that mafia member pleading for her life, saying she wasn’t involved in his family murder at all, and had a family to take care of. 

Hoshi didn’t listen to her in the middle of his wrath, but deeply regretted it once it all sank in. At the time, Hoshi only thought everyone that willingly got involved in the mafia was bad.

But she was only a cleaning lady. 

Even if she worked for the mafia, she truly was not involved in anything bad per se. There might have been other innocent people he killed as well. And then, Ryoma realized he wasn’t human anymore. His humanity had long died.

_“The loser then saw what he had done. By killing every single mafia member, he saw he had nothing else he could do in his life. He gave his cat away and turned himself to the police, and was sent to a rather special prison…”_

_Wrath part 1 - End!_ Appeared on the screen.

The bears appeared again.

_“Wow, to think none of this would have happened if he just followed his orders… If he just accepted having a loss… Oh, youth never changes…”_

_“There are things and powers humans shouldn’t mess with, and I hope our little player here learned his lesson.”_

_“Who knows? Seems there is still some rebellion buried inside his heart. Who can blame him, though, rebellion is necessary for revolutions, which is what makes things change… Even if some changes are for the worse.”_

_“CHANGES-ARE-IMPORTANT-TO-GROWTH”_

_“Honestly, I still think his sin should be pride...”_

_“Sins aren’t chosen merely by a surface reading. Papa thoroughly analysed what made each of them reach their downfall and chose them accordingly.”_

_“Yeah, and, even if pride made him lose his family and girlfriend, he only really realized he lost his life after choosing to murder every single mafia member, even ones not involved in the death of his family.”_

_“Even if this is only the first video, you could say he died right here, way before his body”_

_“So why do we even have another video left? It would be better to start by playing the next one and then going to this one.”_

_“Unfortunately Dad asked us to tell them their past in chronological order, even if it’s more boring in this case…”_

_“Whatever. I like it this way. He died here and he will die in the next part as well, it’s doubly exciting!”_

_“Remember kids”_

_“ILLUMINATE”_

_“A brighter future!”_

_“For humanity!”_

_“So long! Bear Well!”_

Hoshi broke the TV. 

How did they even get to know about this information? 

How long had they been spying him? 

How did they know his deepest feelings, things he never told anyone about or ever wrote about? 

Were they really… Gods?

He also had this unbearable headache, and dizziness, but honestly, it was nowhere close to the dread he felt.

He then ran away. He had no idea where he was going, but he surely didn’t want anyone to see any more of his life and of his deepest feelings.

Nobody followed after him.

As he ran, Ryoma found himself in a dead end.

It seemed like a rather important room, full of computers. None of them would turn on.

He then turned, heading back.

And then he saw.

There were two creatures that followed him to that room.

And, like they feared, it seemed they weren’t friendly _at all._

One of the creatures was aiming right at his back, and ready to strike him with their pierce-like tentacle.

The other creature was guarding in front of the only door, while spitting acid in the room.

He managed to find a way to dodge the attack, making the piercing creature attack the acid one

What he didn’t understand was how the acid creature melted, then turned into dust. Maybe these tentacles were acidic as well?

As he fled from the other creature and sprint towards the door, and through corridors, he progressively understood he had no idea where he was and that the creature following him had the advantage. 

He tried to enter a room, and closed the door. But the room had a tempered glass door so this wouldn’t do much.

And then, he tripped on a rock, and fell. His frying pan rolled to the other side of the room.

And Hoshi realized he was cornered.

He was in a closed room, no visible way outs like air ducts or something. 

The creature had broken the door.

His frying pan was unreachable without facing the creature, so he had no way to even try fighting with it.

Well. He had no idea why he had tried so hard after all. 

He wanted death for a long time. 

And his past flashed over him, maybe because of the extend tv reminding him of some details he forgot because of the time he spent in prison, maybe because he was going to die soon.

Hoshi had hopes and dreams a long time ago. He had everything.

An amazing team, a promising future, a great girlfriend he was ready to marry, and a nice family.

But because of one match. Everything was taken away. By _them_.

Even the girlfriend he sent somewhere else for her protection, was mercilessly and unfairly murdered.

He was sure at that moment that there were no gods in this world, and that life was unfair. 

He was setted in to have his revenge, to bring _justice_ with his own hands.

He planned to take down each and every single one of the people who ruined his life.

To avoid the future atrocities they surely would bring if they kept on living.

He was consumed by… _Wrath_.

When he finally did get his revenge however, and rid the world of every single one of the people that took everything from him, he realized he had nothing else to do in his life. And no place he fit anymore.

And sometimes he wonders… 

Was what he did really _fair_?

He murdered _everyone_ in the mafia, even people who weren’t directly involved in the deaths of his loved ones. 

People like receptionists, who were only really doing their jobs. 

Maybe they were in the mafia because they had no choice.These people surely had families as well. And other loved ones that were innocent. Maybe pets, that would be left to starve and don’t know the reason why their owners aren’t coming back. 

Even then, now he had nothing, but his cat. 

But Ryoma wasn’t able to look at his cat again, because he felt the animal didn’t deserve to be with someone like him.

So he gave his cat away, and did the only thing he could. Going to a prison. The only place he belonged.

Ryoma had no purpose, no goals, no will to live anymore. An empty shell. That lost all humanity. And he would not be able to return to society at all. 

And there was _nothing_ he could do to change that, and no way to bring anyone that had deceased back. 

He gave up on trying.

He was ready to die, ever since that day, because he deserved it. 

But, he thought someone like him, that took away so many lives, needed to suffer a bit before his death, so he turned himself to the prison.

And then, ten years later, he was executed.

But what surprised him the most in the past years was death itself.

Ryoma did not know what dying should feel like.

But he expected it to hurt. 

That there would be nothing after it. 

  
  
  


Instead, he felt like he was waking from a dream.

And then he was conscious again.

Trapped in a survival reality that was far crueler than everything he could have thought about.

And now, there he was, close to death _again_.

He _should_ be ready to accept his demise.

But still, a weird feeling sparked in his brain. 

As if, even if he was going to give up, there was a small part of him, deep inside that might have revived when he woke up on the island, that still had a small bit of…

Hope. 

A part that didn’t want to give up.

As cruel as the situation he was in _was_ , it all still made Ryoma curious. 

He wanted- no, he _needed_ to understand what was going on. There were so many things Ryoma wanted to know.

How was he there?

 _Why_ was he here?

Why near these people in particular? 

What were these cartoon bears? 

What parts of what they speak is true and what is a lie? 

How did they have all that information on him?

So many questions, and no clear answer.

Still, he couldn’t think of any way out. 

On how he’d be able to get out of this situation.

He was _doomed_.

But then he heard a shout.

“You can’t give up that soon! There’s always a way!”

Then, the martial artist jumped in front of the creature, shielding Hoshi from the blow. She preemptively threw the creature around, and it fell on the floor, giving Hoshi enough opening to shoot the rock at its head using his frying pan, giving all strength he could muster.

The creature then… Melted? Do these creatures always melt?

 _Maybe_ , not _everything_ was lost, after all? 

But even if he wanted to have some hope, who would even want to willingly _live_ with a convicted murderer like him? Or would want to give someone like him a fair chance?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> fun fact! Did you know there are a bunch of japanese food made using Amazon rainforest ingredients? Japanese immigrants that had no access to the ingredients they had but that wanted to eat the food they were used to, so they made stuff like tucupi shoyu, beach bean miso, papaya tsukemono, tapioca mochi... And while I'm not a specialist on what can actually be used as substitutes you can be sure they'll try doing this with whathever they found here. Korekiyo's knowledge is surely going to help them on that.


	3. Gentleness and compassion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ryoma has a lot to learn...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled so much to write this and didn't find ways to properly express some ideas so I glossed over by them but hey! I finished by my self imposed deadline of this month! I'm publishing this right after I finished writing the end so there might be some grammar mistakes. This one has a different structure from the past chapters bc I'm trying new things. This chapter might also be a bit more violent but I'm not sure what I should warn and what would count as a spoiler... If there's something I need to tag, then please contact me! I'm too sleepy right now.

  
  


Hoshi found himself staring at the aikido teacher, who was… 

_Alone?_

Why was she here by herself? Was she abandoned as well?

That… 

Made _some_ sense. 

Her relationship with the child caregiver seemed _really_ strained.

Or maybe she was ordered by the others to come fetch him by herself?

She surely _couldn’t_ have willingly gone after him. But she would probably obey the other women.

“Tell the others they’re better off without me.”

“The others have nothing to do with this. It was Tenko’s choice to come fetch you.”

_Oh?_

"Why did you do so? I am one of these so-called _degenerates_ of yours."

“Because Tenko’s training taught her to help anyone in need! To bring justice to _whoever_ deserves it! If Tenko didn't help you now she might as well be worse than the worse degenerate there ever was!”

“Do you think I’m not strong enough to survive on my own? You saw that video. Appearances can be deceiving. I was a murderer. Everything I did was _planned_ . I’m a _monster_.” Just hearing that last word made the aikidoka flinch. “People like me need no pity and have no place in society. It is a stupid idea to give someone like me a chance."

The aikidoka seemed to be in deep thought.

There was a serious tone in her face that Ryoma hadn’t seen before.

"Tenko… had her whole worldviews completely shaken apart these days, and she knows she isn’t the best person to judge in complex situations like these, and everything she does seems to make everyone mad at her, no matter how hard she tries…” She tried to explain. ”And she _knows_ no one _likes_ her here. But she wants to trust her gut, since it’s the only thing she can do for now.”

“And your gut is telling you to go after a murderer?”

“It's... More complex than that. She was taught to value all life, even the lives of degenerates like you. It would be against her morals if she left you to die. And she knows, that alone, no one has a chance against the… creatures. Tenko would feel bad at being responsible for a death plus…” She made a huge pause. She started fidgeting her hands before she finally finished her sentence. She looked a bit nervous. ”When Tenko throws someone away, she can feel their insecurities. And back then, when she threw you she felt… Many things she… _Related_ to…”

“Oh? How can you _relate_ to me? Did you murder anyone?”

“That’s not what Tenko meant.” She denied the claim quickly. “You feel alone in the world, right? Like you don’t belong in society. You feel deep regret and sorrow, you want to change, and to be given a chance… You insecurities were… Way more complex than Tenko ever thought a degenerate’s insecurities could be.”

“Yeah. And what does that change at all?”

“You may be a _degenerate_ but you don’t feel like a _dangerous_ person. Not _anymore_ . If you were, you would have felt no regret at all. Tenko has no doubt your actions weren’t _good,_ or _forgivable_. But… You probably aren’t going to repeat them now.”

“That’s… Really unexpected, coming from you. But it still doesn’t change the past or my crimes.”

“Tenko knows it doesn’t. Nothing or no one can do that. The past can’t change, and the only person that _can_ change your life and how you view it is going to be you, Hoshi-san, nothing or nobody else can do that for you.” 

There was a brief pause. Ryoma knew that was the truth. But it still isn’t something _easy_ to do.

“The only thing others can do is try to help you, but even then, if _you_ don’t want to change that isn’t going to do anything.” She continued, hesitantly.

“Do you really think that changing now would be enough or amount to anything?”

“Tenko… Can’t answer that. She doesn’t know at all. There are many things she just… Can’t understand. And she has to accept that.” Well, that was _surely_ a way to put things. Not reassuring at _all_. “But... Tenko also thinks… You were already punished for that, right? Spent years in this prison, and… Died. Even before your death…”

“You think my death and the years I spent in prison was enough for atoning for my sins? For all lives I’ve taken away?”

“Tenko really doesn’t know about that. Ever since she got there, Tenko can’t stop thinking about these things, and she _hasn’t_ found an answer.” Well, Hoshi doesn’t think there _is_ one. “But. Wouldn’t it feel really unfair if everything was previously set on stone, and if there was no way for things to get better? That one was destined to suffer in hell for eternity?”

“Well… Yeah, it would be really unfair.”

“So… She’d rather believe that everyone can improve and deserves a chance to become better, and overcome their past. She was taught that life goes on, and that death isn’t the end, and well... At least that part seems to have been proved by these bears, even if it was way different from what Tenko expected.”

“You’re really going to trust them? Or _me_? How…Foolish.”

“Tenko doesn’t really want to trust… Everything they say. But some things do make sense… And well… Call her a fool all you want, Tenko knows she isn’t wise, but even if you are a degenerate and she’d rather avoid them… In the place she’s in,Tenko knows she can’t do that. We will _need_ each other to survive from now on…” 

What she says does make sense for Ryoma. It’s unlikely he can survive on his own in this deadly island as well.

“After she died, Tenko woke up here. And she was given the chance to turn this into heaven or hell according to her actions. What the girls said makes some sense… She was turning this into hell to _everyone…_ The only thing Tenko _can_ do right now is give you a chance. ”

“Oh, so… You’re giving me a chance?”

She was the _last_ person Ryoma expected to give him a chance… What a weird feeling.

“Yeah, wasn’t that obvious from the moment Tenko came here? But if you even think of _trying_ anything perverted Tenko will throw you at a wall with all her strength and never trust you again or give you another chance!”

Well. That’s… Way better than nothing. Having an ally might be useful. Even if she is a tad bit noisy.

He doesn’t think he will have any problem with the pervert part at least.

“Alright then. But you know changing is hard right? I can’t promise I will fully change into a _good_ person or anything. That takes time.”

“Seems _none_ of us were _good_ persons at all in our past and we all have been given a chance to be better persons. We’re in a whole new place now! We can choose to change! We can improve!”

A whole… New place?

… Well… That’s true. Here, they don’t have society, or rules here. They only really have... each other.

Which means... Anything goes. 

Which may end up being a blessing or a _curse_. 

“And some of the monks Tenko looked up to the most were male, so maybe. Just _maybe…_ Not all males are full degenerates, only _most_ of them… If they do master neo aikido at least or live with strict rules, maybe they can outgrow their degenerate instincts, so maybe you should try that!”

Whatever the hell Neo Aikido was, it would probably be Ryoma’s best bet to just go with what she says for now.. 

“Right. Still… Nothing I do will _ever_ bring these lives back… Be them the Mafia... Or my _family_...”

“Hoshi-san. Since we _are_ here, don’t you ever think, _maybe_ there is a _slight_ chance none of them are fully gone, just like us?"

Oh.

That… Honestly was something that would make sense.

Everything that happened ever since he woke up on the island wasn’t exactly easy to believe that happened.

Believing in something that… 

Was not that bad. Or too much of a stretch.

It gave Ryoma a small bit of hope that he thought he had long lost.

And having some hope… Was way better than having _none_.

“...You know what? You _may_ be _right_. You’re smart.”

She scrunched her nose. 

“Ew. Stop it with your fake flattering, degenerate!” Oh. She dislikes compliments. Ryoma will avoid them in the future. “Anyway, let’s head back, Tenko is worried about the ladies, but they didn’t want to come with her, so she’s in a hurry!”

“Alright, Chabashira-san was it? I’ll look forward to knowing more about your neo aikido.”

“Sure!”

He followed Chabashira’s lead. 

But soon, that turned into a decision he started to regret.

It looked like Chabashira had no idea where she was going at _all_.

“Do you… _Know_ where we’re going?”

“Nope! Tenko has an awful memory! But Tenko has a _really_ good hearing and she knows the place the girls were in had a noisy clock!”

A _clock_?

That was what she was looking for? 

There were _many_ places that could have a clock on that building. 

How does one even hear a _clock’s_ sound? 

Wouldn’t… The creatures go after such a sound as well?

Ryoma suddenly regretted trusting the girl.

But, against all that was _logic_ , she then barged straight to a room, opening a door as she shouted a “Found it.”

Ryoma didn’t hear any clock noise at all.

But… Thinking about it, Ryoma _did_ have a bit of hearing loss.

The other girls had locked themselves in one of the security rooms as they awaited them. They had grabbed a few guns.

“Nyeh, she _actually_ did it?” The mage looked slightly surprised.

“Surprisingly… But still, _barely_ , if she had taken five more minutes to arrive, we would have already left.” The child caregiver ranted.

“Wait, you had _guns_? And you didn’t use them?”

“We only have five bullets and Chabashira-san refused to even touch the guns. She was the one that insisted on going after you.” She replied.

“I see...”

“But our vote was to regroup with the others so we’d be able to handle your… _Wrath_... better. She said she was going anyway, and to wait for her for an hour before we tried regrouping. Since she has our supply bag we didn’t have much choice here but waiting.” The child caregiver looked really frustrated.

Well… As a group decision, it would make sense. But… Ryoma is glad Chabashira didn’t follow their decision…

“Everything turned out alright right, Harukawa-san? As promised, Tenko did her best!”

“Still, you threw our majority vote decision away, and you’re lucky we had no supplies so we actually had to wait for you and didn’t go ahead!”

“Nyeh, I think it would have been tiresome for only the two of us to head back anyway, even if we had the supplies... And she did come back with him as she promised, so it’s alright...” The mage tried intervening.

“Even if she did, it’s not alright. Humans are chaotic, egoistic, competitive beings. To live as a community we require rules and for these rules to be followed. To give up on our individual whims and desires. Or else, we’ll end fighting each other and ruining our chance of survival.” Harukawa had an austere look in her face.

Wow; 

This group was a mess.

Ryoma could see where Harukawa was coming from, but it was… Cold. Way different from the warm hearted Chabashira. 

But exactly like most of the guards Ryoma was used to seeing in the prison. Heck, some prisoners as well. 

The kind of people who had given up all hope in humanity, in life itself, the opposite of Chabashira.

“Anyway, let’s move on. With these guns I think we can reach the docks.” He tried intervening, before anything worse happened.

They started roaming around, a bit lost on where they were and where they should be going. 

Ryoma had never gone to this area. 

It was off limits for a prisoner.

It was weird seeing the mage with a handgun. 

Seemingly, the kendama she had before had been stored on the bag Chabashira carried, alongside lots of other useful stuff the girls had found in the security room.

The mage didn’t seem to know how to use it at all. Her hands trembled often. She had two bullets, and when they found a creature and she tried shooting it, she managed to miss _both_ shots. 

But, for her luck, one of her shots hit a chandelier that fell above the creature and defeated it so it wasn’t a full waste of the bullets.

“Nyeh, that was my plan from the beginning, alright?” She said but her body clearly denied her claim, she was a trembling mess. 

“Amazing as always Yumeno-san!” Chabashira still praised the girl and seemingly believed her.

The child caregiver seemed way more composed with her gun. She seemed to be quite used to holding one.

After some trial and error, treading through halls that looked all the same, they arrived at a door that had access to the docks, and opened it.

They _were_ at a port area but...

There were five creatures here, and the martial artist had thrown herself at them, not to defeat, but rather to immobilize them for a while. She seemed quite skilled, not letting any of their attacks hit her. 

Meanwhile, the Child caregiver had… 

Surprisingly good aim.

And she took all of them down with a single shot each.

An amazing precision and an expressionless face Ryoma knew all too well. 

She surely was… Someone that had become numb to killing. 

That probably had lots of experience with that.

Was she ever a child caregiver?

That didn’t matter for now. Their biggest problem was that they had no bullets and there were still two creatures in the area. 

One tried to hit the mage with its piercing tentacles, but Chabashira jumped in and took the hit for her. As her gut bleeded, and even if she seemed in a lot of pain, she didn’t let out a single scream at all, instead using all of her last forces to throw the creature far away. 

The creature seemed to land into a far section of the woods. From the looks of it, it was unlikely they would face it any soon.

Her body then… 

Melted into dust?

Her X-key and the clothes and bag she was wearing felt to the ground. 

Do bodies work differently in purgatory? 

He was _pretty_ sure humans _don’t_ melt. 

Or… Are the creature's acid _really_ that strong?

It took a while for Ryoma’s brains to register just what had happened. Poor Chabashira…

It’s not like she is someone he knew much. He barely talked to her and spent at most 12 hours near her on the last day. And in eight of these, she complained more than everything.

But… Ryoma really wanted to talk more to her and to get to know her better.

She didn’t… _Deserve_ to die like that. It seemed _really_ painful… And… She had not only saved him, but died to save someone else...

The mage looked a bit distraught.

“Wait… She… _actually…_ Gave her life to protect me? But... _Why_?”

She ran away to the place where Chabashira was defeated and took her X-Key.

“Nyeh? It is intact?”

The mage was then hit with an attack from the creature that still remained in the docks. 

She had no chance to react before she melted.

The child caregiver then picked up a combat knife she had hidden on her and masterfully threw it at the creature, hitting its head. The creature melted. 

She picked the items their fallen companions had dropped.

“That was close… Feelings really make you die early...” She replied.

“Hey. I know that look, and these techniques… The way you had a knife hidden on you... You were an assassin right?”

“I guess I couldn’t hide it from someone who lived in this kind of prison at all... Yes, I am.”

“Why did you say you were a child caregiver?”

“Why didn’t you say you were a _murderer_?”

  
  


Because _no one_ would trust someone that said that.

“... You know what? That 's fair.”

“And it’s not like I had any _choice_ on being an assassin. Unlike _you_.”

“...Alright. Fair point. But you could have avoided their demise if you had shown these skills earlier.”

“While I _could_ , but I don’t think they would have reacted nicely if they discovered my past.”

“And… You’d rather leave them to die?”

The assassin didn’t reply.

“I don’t know much about the redhead, but I surely hope these bears really _were_ telling the truth, because Chabashira was the nicest person in our bunch and really didn’t deserve to die so soon.”

“In some ways she was. But being nice is not the best option. I knew someone like her. She died _early_ . Both of their deaths just proved to me… that _that_ saying about the road to hell being paved with good intentions was truthful…” 

Actually, thinking about it. What _was_ Chabashira’s sin?

If she was in a place with a murderer _and_ an assassin… 

If this was truly a purgatory…

She somehow had done something that was deemed _equally_ bad.

But… Could Ryoma really _judge_ the only person that gave him a chance?

After she died?

He could only… Give her a chance as well. It 's only fair.

“... Yeah… Why would someone like her even be here?” He replied.

“Humans are chaotic by nature, and even better natured ones are going to do awful things if they don’t stick to any rules. But… It was a bit _annoying_ , being able to stick to her ideals and wishes to her very end… When reality is so much _crueler_ than that.”

You know what?

Putting it this way, Chabashira was _really_ rebellious in her own way. Stuck to her ideals, even if _mocked_ , to the very end. That must have taken a lot of guts. 

“Well, she kinda just _proved_ it doesn’t _need_ to be like that. That you _can_ stick to your ideals. Even when everyone else doubts you.”

“While it ended in her death and _certainly_ wasn’t wise… I wish I was able to choose to not harm others like that.” 

“And what is stopping you?”

“What?”

“Talking with Chabashira-san made me realize that in the place we’re in… We don’t really need to stick to our past. Or even with past rules.”

“So… _Anything goes_? That will lead to utter chaos.”

“It certainly would be entertaining. But… I want to believe in what she said. That everyone can have a chance to improve...”

“I don’t think trusting others is a wise idea. You can only trust yourself.”

“I don’t know. I thought she was trustworthy. Even after everyone doubted her…”

“...Don’t get me wrong. I do think I may have pressed her too far. When I died I thought I was _finally_ getting some _peace_ but she was really getting to my nerves. I usually can maintain my composure better. She didn’t deserve to be talked to like that when she had some good intentions… Maybe _she_ had a better chance of improving than someone like me.”

“Yeah. That talk… seemed to impact her a lot. She believes no one here likes her.”

“I… Can see why she would think that. It’s most likely the truth. And I can’t say I like her myself. She can surely be _annoying_ at times.”

Poor Chabashira. It was likely _no one_ here had good opinions of her.

She must have felt _really_ lonely...

“Wow… I guess… It’s up to me to have good opinions on her here. She was surely the most honest person here, at least.”  
  


“Sure… But people don’t really value honesty, you know.”

“Yeah. I’m aware. Anyways, what are you going to do from now on?”

“What do you mean?”

“I will keep it a secret that you are an assassin. But… You realize that you now can choose who you want to be right? Will you still keep on being an assassin?”

“I don’t know. But… Maybe I will try something different. I just… Don’t know what...”

“What about being an actual child caregiver?”

“There are _no_ children here.”   
“If what the bears said is true… Maybe soon there _will_ be…”   
“We’ll see then.”

They walked towards the port and looked at the boats they had there. Which would be the best one to pick?

Actually.

Ryoma had _no_ idea how to drive a boat.

If Harukawa didn’t as well, both of them were _doomed_.

“Hey, Harukawa-san…”

“Yeah?”

“Can you drive any of these boats?”

“... You’re lucky that I _can._ The main problem will be if any of them are working properly or have any fuel left. _”_

They tried starting all the boats, only _one_ worked. Thankfully, it was a decently sized one. It should fit almost 10 people comfortably, plus a bunch of supplies. And since it wasn’t that big, it probably could be paddled or sailed when fuel ran low. 

They went towards the beach they had first arrived on, _anchored_ the boat and went to meet the others at the container meetup spot.

Somehow, outside was still not dark.

But no one was there. 

So they awaited a bit in awkward silence until the raft team finally came back 

The only ones that arrived were Tojo and Idabashi, and they seemed really beat up. Idabashi looked terrified. 

Not really a _promising_ look.

At least, it looked like they had managed to gather some resources.

“Oh hey. How did the raft building go?”

“A complete failure. We lost Saihara-kun and Shinguuji-kun” The maid replied.

“What happened to them?”

“A Snake attacked us.” She continued.

“It went flying to us! No one told me there were _flying_ snakes! And they were _poisonous_? This place is so messed up!” The cyborg looked really scared.

“Actually, they were gliding, and they were venomous, not poisonous, please calm down, Idabashi-kun.” Tojo corrected calmly.

“Just as bad! And they climb up on trees! What else can snakes do? Swim?” The cyborg replied, still terrified.

“Well, some of them _can_ …” The child caregiver blurted.

“What are we supposed to do then? We have _no_ chance!” Idabashi was really nervous.

“Leave them be. And leave quietly. They usually don’t attack us unless they feel threatened. And they didn’t target us before like the other animals did.” Tojo continued trying to pacify him.

“But we didn-” The cyborg was interrupted.

“We _did_ threaten them the moment we tried to take down these trees. They probably felt like they were being attacked. There is no need to worry, we have secured their x-keys and possessions.” Tojo kept speaking in an eerily composed tone.

“But! They still died!” He was now crying.

“They will come back, don’t worry.” She replied, trying to reassure him.

“Do you… Really trust these bears?” Harukawa asked.

“Everything they said so far turned out to be truthful. I see no reason why this wouldn’t.” The maid’s logic made sense, but trusting something like _this_ was still too far fetched. 

But… 

If it meant that Chabashira could get another chance of living… 

Maybe it’s something Ryoma wants to trust as well. 

“Actually, maybe the wrath video we found earlier isn’t truthful!” The cyborg commented.

Oh.

Have they watched his videos? 

Does _everyone_ in the group now know he is a _murderer_? 

“If they were about me… They were eerily precise.”

“Wait. So you’re-” The cyborg looked terrified.

“So... Building a raft is no option on this island.” Harukawa quickly changed subjects.

“It would be better suited to avoiding it. Snakes and all.” The maid replied.

“We got a boat. Let’s head back for now and fill it with some fruits.” Harukawa once again changed subjects. Or maybe. She just wanted to leave that island as soon as possible.

Who _wouldn’t_ , really?

They returned to the island.

As they entered the garage, heading to the extend machine...

The extend tv vignette appeared on the garage’s TV. 

And these cursed bears appeared. _Again_.

“ _Rise and shine Ursine! Welcome to extend TV!”_

_“Hello kids! We see you completed our mission!”_

_“CONGRATULATIONS-FOR-YOUR-DEATHS”_

_“These bastards surely took way longer than we expected!”_

_“Your next mission is to revive your fallen members!”_

_“In order to do that you’ll only need to put their x-key in the machine! We call that extending!”_

_“You might be wondering how all that works!”_

_“We know you don’t trust us_ yet _but the truth is, in this world, your bodies are all clones!”_

_“So you can die and come back many and many times to clean yourselves of all your sins!”_

_“When you are extended, you’ll return as kids!”_

_“Extending comes with no clothes so you can get some clothes in the closet we placed behind the extend machine!”_

_“We have bathsuits as well! Or if you want you can all stay naked!”_

_“Just don’t do anything naughty!”_

_“Yeah! That is a no-go!”_

_“CERTAINLY-GOING-TO-HELL”_

_“And it would be useless. You’re all infertile anyway!”’_

_“Not that it matters for this bunch right? They’re… You know...”_

_“Yeah, but we should still inform them just in case!”_

_“Oh yeah. We also forgot to highlight something earlier! In case it was unclear!”_

_“Take care of this world! Even if you succeed your test you will still remain on it!”_

_“So no taking down these trees! Or setting things on fire! If you lose these trees, you’ll lose them forever!”_

They _really_ should have warned that _way_ earlier.

_“Also don’t lose your time trying to make a garden! You’ll lose too much time and way too many lives until you’re able to even eat anything from it!”_

_“Focus on hunting! Meat to get beefy!”_

_“BUT-DON’T-OVERDO-IT.”_

_“Don’t forget to try and conquer that ruin!”_

“ _Remember kids!”_

“ _ILLUMINATE”_

“ _A brighter future”_

“ _For Humanity”_

“ _So long, Bear Well!”_

Well, there’s just so much Ryoma wants to process from that. Besides them being clones, which will be proved or disproved soon, what stuck the most for him was that the bears want them eating meat and avoiding plants.

And after that sorry excuse of a meal that was the meat of that _poor_ squirrel, that kinda makes Ryoma want to do the exact _opposite_ of that.

Maybe he should try gardening, just to feel as if he’s pissing them off. 

It may be the closest thing he can do to avoid following _everything_ they say for now. His own mini-rebellion.

They put the x key in one of the extend machine’s empty slots.

The machine turned on. An option named _extend_ appeared.

They pressed it.

And a… child that looked like Yumeno popped out of the machine.

The kid looked like it had 10 years, but…

“Nyeh? So I’m _alive_ again? Wait, why is my voice like this?” She looked at her hands “Wait, am I a _kid_ ? _Wait_ , I’m _naked_ ?” She then ran as quickly as she could and hid under the table near the machine. “ _Oh no_ … _Please_ don’t hit me…”

“Yumeno-san, please don’t worry about it! We won’t harm you at all!” The cyborg proclaimed.

“Really? Is this a promise?”

Everyone nodded. Then Yumeno slowly left from under the table.

"So... Are you a _crossd-_ " The maid started asking.

"I'm a _woman_ ! A _woman_!"

“Right! Sorry” She quickly replied.

“Then... Please don’t tell anyone about what you just saw, especially to Chabashira. I’m not sure I’d be safe around her… This is something I wish to tell others myself if it’s needed. And _please_ , keep referring to me with she and her ok?”

“We wouldn’t do that Yumeno-san! And count on me to support!” The cyborg replied.

“You… are going to _help_? Then... first of all, where are my clothes?”

“I don’t think they’ll fit you while you’re like… That… We can only wait till you age…” The cyborg commented.

“I can’t spend three _whole_ days naked!”

“I sure hope it’s also true that there are clothes back there as well… ” Harukawa started “It would be impossible to hide you from Chabashira for this long…”

Tojo fetched some clothes in the closet behind the extend machine. She arrived with packages with the name of every member that had fallen.

“It seems they have prepared many uniforms for each one of us, all are named and these are the ones labelled with ‘child form’.” She explained “I sure hope we have enough for the three years they said we’d have, we still have no working cleaning machines here… I’m going to have to spend the day today to try and find some quick fix to that... ”

She gave Yumeno her package. 

Yumeno opened it and dressed everything as quickly as she could.

“Nyeh, it’s… weird, these fit me so perfectly… And they are really… _Comfortable…_ And, I’m really glad they got me a skirt instead of pants... _Who_ exactly are these bears? They might not be… _Thaat_ bad.. They’re _kinda_ cute....”

She was wearing a school uniform.

“I think we should make a small curtain around the area that the extended pop out, to give them more privacy” The cyborg explained “I’m sure we would have been in huge trouble if it was Chabashira that was revived right now and it would be bad to make even more people uncomfortable...”

“You make a good point. I’ll fetch some cardboard.” The maid said as she walked out.

“By the way, Harukawa-san, you’re a child caregiver right? You think you can look for our companions in their child form?” The cyborg asked.

“They still think like adults right? Can’t they take care of themselves?” She replied.

“Their body is still that of a child. They may have more autonomy than one but they still have their limitations.” The cyborg argued.

“Alright, fine. But don’t expect me to fully babysit them, they are smart enough to know what they’re doing” She gave in.

The maid came back with a few cardboard boxes, made an improvised room divider, and put it by the side of the extend machine. They then revived their other companions, one at a time.

Chabashira was the last one to be revived.

Yumeno slowly approached Chabashira, clearly cautious and trembling a lot.

“Nyeh, um… Thanks for… saving me… But _why_ did you sacrifice yourself for that?”

“Yumeno-san, you are so cute! Like a small animal! Tenko would do anything to protect you!”

Yumeno seemingly didn’t like this explanation… Well, _who_ would, really.

“Stop it! I won’t fall to this _act_ ! I’m not _weak_ ! Just say what you _really_ want from me!”

“Act? Tenko just... wants to be your friend?”

“Well, I’m sure if you knew me better you wouldn’t!”

The redhead then stormed off the basement. Chabashira stood there, with a confused and hurt expression on her face.

“Tenko doesn’t understand… What she is doing wrong...”

Now, Ryoma just felt bad at this.

Yumeno has a _clear_ reason to feel uncomfortable and avoid being near Chabashira. 

One Chabashira has no idea of and may be better not knowing.

But… Seeing her like that… and doing nothing about it…

Felt _wrong_.

“Harukawa-san, was it? If you take care of the other kids, I’ll handle Chabashira for now.”

“Are you sure? She might be… The one that will require the _most_ effort… Not sure if you can handle it by yourself.”

Unfortunately, once Ryoma gets decided on something it’s hard to get his mind off it. And when others doubt he can do that… That’s when he wants it the _most_.

“We’ll see. Please be sure to go after Yumeno as well.”

Ryoma approached the martial artist.

“Hey. Can you teach me more about your karate, like you promised?”

“It’s neo aikido, you degenerate! It’s way more than a martial art, it’s a lifestyle! Don’t you dare mock it!”

“Alright. Teach me about neo aikido then.”

“Tenko guesses she can do that.”

Tenko took him to the beach.

“The air here might help us connect with nature more… But Tenko was mostly used to living on a mountain so it is still really different…”

“Yeah, I guess it makes some sense. Say, before our aikido”

“Neo Aikido!”

“Neo Aikido! Right, sorry, before our lesson, are you alright with telling me why you thought I was _worth_ being saved?”

“Why wouldn’t you be?”

“I’m not human. Not anymore...”

"How should Tenko word this…? Even if you did _irredeemable_ things, you’re still _human_ , Hoshi-san. Denying anyone of their humanity is sad... And you’re not as empty as you think.”

“Even then, I’m still _bad_.”

“Yeah. And a _degenerate_.”

“So… Why did you save me?” 

“Your sin is wrath right? Tenko… Thought that was going to be _her_ sin… She used to have lots of anger issues as a kid, some people even said she was like a volcano. She ended up hurting a lot of people and herself because of it…” 

Ryoma can see that happening.

“She was… Banned from all schools she went. People said she didn’t fit in society… So she was sent to the temple… And she hated it at first. It was like a prison to her. And she went mute for months.”

Someone that didn’t fit in society? For a _kid…_

That must have been _really_ hard to hear... 

And a temple _might_ feel like a prison to an energetic kid. They have strict regimen, but… They generally are _nowhere_ nearly as ruthless as real prisons are. 

Not speaking for _months_? Especially for someone as talkative as her? 

Well… It’s a bit hard to believe...

“But, but, but! There, Tenko met her master! The first person that treated Tenko as a _human_ and believed her! He taught her about martial arts and they created Neo Aikido together! And she got way better at controlling her feelings! So the temple ended up being way _better_ than being in her old home or in _school_!”

For a small kid with trouble regulating feelings, and sent to a temple.. She could have been really _bitter_ about this for her whole life. 

But if the kid's life wasn't that good to begin with, then that life might actually be _better_ than what life she could have had at home…

“So… How did you learn to deal with your anger?”

“One of the first things Master said was that no feelings were bad, and they can’t hurt anyone by themselves, but how you dealt with them was fundamental. Anger by itself isn’t bad!.”

“Oh? How isn’t _anger_ bad?”

"Feeling anger is natural! And valid! It's your mind's way of saying it loves you and that you don't deserve what's happening! It is a good fuel! But you need to keep your actions in check! _Revenge_ never brought Tenko anything good! She chose to be kind instead"

That’s… A mindset Ryoma never heard before. It is… Simple. 

But…

Simple doesn’t mean it is _bad_.

If Ryoma didn’t have any anger left… He would feel _nothing_ when he saw these bears. He would just _accept_ what they say easily.

Yet, he feels _enraged_ at them. And this means… Deep down, something inside him _cares_.

Still… It isn’t a good idea to simply let others stomp on you because you chose to be kind. 

It would only make people like Ryoma end up dying without resisting.

“Isn’t kindness a bit weak?”

“You’re wrong if you think being kind is the same as being _weak_ . Or the same as forgiving _everything_ . Justice is still _really_ important! _Degenerates_ will _still_ get thrown away or punished if they do anything bad! But, being kind is about being the person you wished that the world had! Acting on her anger turned Tenko into someone others hated. Someone _Tenko_ hated.”

Oh…

Well. That does make sense. Not being outright _mean_ , but not being _forgiving_ of injustice as well…

But...

“But… You threw me over _touching_ you but gave me a chance after you discovered I was a _murderer_ ? How does this make _any_ sense?”

“Degenerates are disgusting! They can’t touch Tenko at all! She promised her master that! And… Hoshi-san, you _did_ suffer a huge _injustice_. One that generated a _lot_ of anger and despair. _Even_ with _all_ her mental training, if Tenko was in your place _…_ She would have _struggled_ to go to a different path than the one you took… _Of course_ a _mere_ degenerate wouldn’t have the mental fortitude to do any different!"

Ryoma isn’t sure if he should feel offended or touched by that.

She clearly still has her prejudices...

But… The simple fact she gave him a chance… Maybe that means these prejudices may not be that strong...

“Anyway, this already took too long! Let's start our neo aikido lesson!”

“Oh, right. What are the rules?”

It took a while for Ryoma to realize he had been thrown away. Luckily it didn’t hurt as much this time, because of the beach sand, but still, Even as a kid, Chabashira was _really_ strong. And… Almost the same size as him...

“Ouch, what did I do wrong this time?”

“Neo aikido needs to be learned by experiencing it itself!”

“That isn’t _fair_!”

“Life isn’t always fair as well! It will strike you with preemptive attacks and make you fall and hurt yourself a lot! We need to accept that, purify our hearts and make full use of our mind, body and breath to learn to fight back!” 

So, to Chabashira, it seems like neo aikido is like life _itself…_

Well. 

It honestly… Makes sense _somehow_.

“Alright, now that you got your guards up! We’ll do breathing exercises!”

Doing breathing exercises was… Quite calming actually.

Inhaling.

  
  
  


Holding the air for a while.

  
  
  


Exhaling.

  
  
  


Becoming aware of your body’s movements during it.

  
  
  


Focusing only on your breath.

  
  
  
  


It was… A moment of peace he hadn’t had for _so long._

After some time doing these exercises, Chabashira then gave the next order.

“Next step, we’ll be screaming!”

… Quite a sudden mood change.

“Screaming? Why?”

“To build up energy, you know?”

As weird as it felt…

Screaming _actually_ helped Ryoma build some energy. 

In the next step, they jogged around the beach for a while.

That was surely an… Busy day. But honestly, way livelier than everything Hoshi had experienced in the past 10 years.

And somehow… He didn’t feel tired.

Seems neo aikido was something he could see himself look forward to doing.

When they headed to the dorms, Ryoma could see the activity Harukawa gave to the kids.

It seems… She might not be a good child caregiver. _At all._

“Why… are they making _arrows_? It looks unsafe.” 

“We need arrows for the crossbows we found, they’re our best bet for weapons for now. Most of us can use them, and arrows can be made with ease and poisoned as well.” A knowledge expected from an assassin. “And worry not, adults are the only ones dealing with sharpening the rocks, they’re _only_ tying them in. We are planning to build some traps and other weapons later as well.”

“Nyeh, some of them would be… Deadly for us, so I’m going to teach you how to avoid and identify them from afar later, but at least we will have a chance against these bears.” The mage commented. She seemed to be in a better mood.

“Alright, show these for us later. Tojo-san, is there a shower or anything near here? There’s beach sand stuck to my soul…”

“Oh… I don’t think anyone has taken a bath ever since we woke up here… All showers were broken and some places were really dirty...” The cyborg commented.

“The bad news is, the only usable bath source we have here are the sentos… The good news is that I managed to clean them today…” Is there anything this maid _isn’t_ able to do? How does she manage to keep her clothes _clean_ while doing all this? “However, we don't have that much soap left, so we’ll need to plan how we’ll use them... I’ll show you the way.”

“Oh, great. Do any of you guys wanna come with us?”

“Nyeh, I won't go” The mage spoke. 

“I’m not sure if my robotic parts can handle it, but I want to experience a bath!” The cyborg commented.

“I think our x keys are made of the same material your arm and leg seem to be made from, and they didn’t seem to be harmed when we immersed it on water, so you probably can stay on it for a while but…” The maid hesitated “Let’s not risk and stay for too long.“

“I don’t really feel like going to it for now...” Saihara spoke.

“Don’t worry about it, Saihara-kun! Will you come with us Shinguuji-kun?” The cyborg asked

The anthropologist nodded.

“Harukawa, are you going as well?” The maid asked.

Hoshi could see both Yumeno’s clear discomfort and Harukawa looking at her… 

Wait… 

Was the assassin… 

Actually _worried_ for her?

“Not really… I’m staying here.” She replied.

Ryoma can only hope Chabashira stays alright.

As expected, the sento was divided on two sides, based by the boy/girl gender binary.

The group divided.

The bath was really relaxing. A warm bath after a day full of exercise was really something he missed a lot.

Kirumi explained that for now the best way to keep the clothes the cleanest while not using much soap was to wash them purely with water and then putting them near the heaters in the place, waiting until they dried. They would still keep stains, but at least wouldn’t be unbearably smelly.

Everyone just stood there in the silence.

Until the cyborg spoke.

“The warmth really is comforting, but I can’t help but feel uncomfortable at this outdated division concept. It makes it especially harsh for gender non conforming people to feel comfortable!”

“Oh, Idabashi-kun, you don’t feel contempled by it? Do you want us to use a different set of pronouns for you?” The anthropologist commented.

“Yeah. No need to change the pronouns! I do like he and him... I know it’s a bit weird to believe, because my memories are still messy but sometimes I feel I was a robot before I got this body.” The cyborg replied “And I feel as if I had no gender, really. I’d usually hesitate before picking a bath but had to pick this one to avoid... _Chabashira_...”

“Oh. I get it. My memories are foggy as well. I also dislike the binary gender norms implanted to us by our society, there are many cultures in the world that have multiple gender identities, a fascinating and beautiful part of humanity since it allows for many-” The anthropologist started explaining.

Ryoma had no idea what they were talking about. He instead decided to focus on something they said earlier…

Foggy memories?

Now that he thinks about it.

Ryoma… Doesn’t remember any name at all.

Shouldn’t he… Remember the name of his _fiancee_ ? Of his _cat_? 

Of anyone in his _family_?

At least, their _faces_?

Just how much do these videos make him remember?

How can he forget _essential_ things like these?

Well… He will wait. Until he watches his last video.

Maybe that will make him remember.

The cyborg and the anthropologist spent some time talking about many civilizations. And genders. Ryoma can’t say he learned much.

When it got too late, they returned to the building’s hall.

The maid was waiting for them at the reception desk.

She signaled to Ryoma.

“Here, let me guide you to your room. You don’t know where it is right?” 

“Yeah...”

She guided him along the stairs, explaining who stayed on each floor. Too bad Ryoma still can’t remember that many names. It was… A peaceful small tour.

“Sorry, what is your name again? There were so many people introducing themselves I forgot…”

“No problem. There are some people that arrived _before_ you that still don’t get it right sometimes… Please call me Tojo.”

“Hey, Tojo-san, do you like being a maid?”

“I can say so.”

“Why? Don’t you get bored of serving others?”

“You could say I enjoy being needed.”

That’s… Not the answer he expected at all. The maid suddenly sounded like she could be a really scary person actually. And she kept on explaining further.

“And I feel like the most competent people need to serve the least competent ones and help them improve so the world can evolve.”

… Well. That just makes things _worse_.

Upon seeing his reaction, however, she chuckled and then replied.

“Just kidding. I actually hate that mentality. I like taking care of people, that’s all. No one can really _truly_ live alone, some people just need more help than others. And they don’t need to feel ashamed for that. In fact, the world would be nicer if people accepted that full independence can never be reached.”

Ryoma couldn’t be sure if she was lying or not, since he barely knew the maid. 

But, now that he thought about it, she _was_ way smarter than she let on, always mediating the team and trying to pacify them. 

Which means she probably knows what can move others way more than she shows. 

She is _wise_ with her words, never saying too much. That might be good, or terribly bad.

In a way, both statements could be truthful.

“And pardon if it sounds rude but it’s my duty as a maid to ask about this and I’ve been meaning to do this for a while. Do you want us to make any adaptations for you to be able to use our facilities better?” The maid asked.

Oh. She was only trying to find a way to _help_ him, by getting to that question in a more fun way. Ryoma feels bad for assuming the _worst_ from the maid. 

She is probably a nice person.

“Uh, if it’s possible it would be great…”

She nodded.

“Here’s your room. I hope you like it. I will make some adjustments to it later, please ask for anything you feel you need.”

The room was... spacious.

The futon was really comfortable as well.

As soon as Ryoma laid on the futon, he fell asleep like a log.

He was woken up by a knock at his door.

When he opened it, Chabashira was outside.

“Uh, why are you out there?”

“Neo Aikido training! For now, it’s better we train once per day! And it’s way better to wake up early to do breathing exercises as we watch the sunrise! Here, let’s go to the roof!”

He sighed.

But, he had nothing better to do after all and this was actually not that far from the time he awoke at the prison...

The breathing exercises were really calming and doing them while the sun rose was, actually, really pretty and calming. Maybe he could get used to that.

Screaming, once again, felt weird. 

But gave him some energy. 

He only hopes they haven’t woken anyone up.

It seems today’s schedule was doing stretches. 

When the exercises ended, he finally got to talk with Chabashira again.

“Hey, Chabashira-san, what moves you?”

“What do you mean?”

“What makes you wake up early everyday, motivates you and such…”

“Oh… When she thinks about it... Tenko doesn’t really have a reason for now.”

“Really? Then why do you do it?”

“You don’t really _need_ one, right? It’s nice to have one and all, and some people do have big reasons, but before the temple Tenko never even thought she could be... _anything_ , since she failed school and such.” She seemed a bit gloomy at this... “When Tenko went to the temple, her reasons then came from simple, regular stuff like watching the sunrise, cartoons on saturdays, waiting for the donations of the delicious tripe hot pot that lady made us on wednesdays, or on giving her classes on sundays and thursdays…” 

Thinking about it… Maybe ordinary, everyday things are _already_ a good enough reason to live sometimes. 

Appreciating what you take for granted. Like seeing a sunrise…

Because at the prison, Ryoma couldn’t do _any_ of these things at all...

“Oh. That is nice.”

“But, Tenko can’t really use these anymore. She needs to find new reasons. But, the good thing Tenko learned at the temple is that even when things get really bad, there will always be something new worth looking forward to! It doesn’t really need to be big!” Tenko’s liveliness was almost palpable. “Or even what many people seem to see as important! What matters is that _you_ see it as important! Each person finds many different reasons, and loses many as well. You can’t really let yourself be bound to a reason, since if it goes away, you will suffer a lot...” 

That… Does make a lot of sense actually.

“Ah. I get it. I haven’t seen the sunrise like this in a long while, it… Really, does feel good, especially with these breathing exercises. But, if you could allow yourself to be selfish, what would you wish the most for the future?”

“Tenko would like having a tripe hot pot! Being able to watch animations again! And becoming great friends with the ladies, especially Yumeno-san! Being seen as someone important for them!”

A really honest response.

“I see.”

“But, Tenko knows she might not have any of these at all… She _really_ messed up…”

“Why do you keep on insisting on people that you know don’t like you? Or might never like you at all?”

“Tenko doesn’t think they _hate_ her… So Tenko… Still has _some_ hope _…”_ Ryoma… Kinda hopes she manages to as well. _“Arrrgh,_ Why must Tenko get put in a place where all the girls are so _cute_ but so hard to reach!"

"Yeah… Somehow Tojo feels even more unreachable than Harukawa…"

“Tojo-san… Has that monk energy, but feels closed off…”

“Monk energy?”

“Yeah! Tenko didn’t interact with many people around her age back in the temple. Only way older, like the monks, or way younger, like her students… Somehow, Kirumi gives me Monk energy, she feels way older and more mature than us...”

Oh… So she _doesn’t_ know how to deal with people around her age…

“I see. She really feels mature. Anyway, what do you guys do each morning? Do you have any routine?”

“We don’t really have anything set since we haven’t been here for more than a few days… So Tenko has kept with her neo-aikido training schedule since she feels safer doing that… But we usually go to the garage to see if there’s a new mission. And Tojo-san makes us breakfast… Which is usually our only meal...”

He really doesn’t want to see these bears again. They piss him off.

But… A breakfast wouldn’t be so bad.

“Let’s go there then.”

When they arrived, there was no one around.

“People usually take a while to get here, except Tojo-san. Tenko isn’t sure she sleeps. She is always up earlier than Tenko. Saihara-san once appeared early as well, seems he couldn’t sleep that night...”

“How do you spend your free time?”

“Well… There’s not much Tenko can do here besides training. Tojo doesn’t seem to want any help and everyone else seems to want to spend their free time alone...”

“I see… If you want, we could try training a bit more for now.”

“Alright! Then! Let’s meditate!”

Ryoma didn’t expect for the girl to be able to remain so focused as she meditated. Ryoma himself had a bit of a problem doing so.... 

He had always seen meditation as something useless.

Especially the mindfulness Chabashira was currently teaching.

But somehow… He wasn’t feeling bad about meditating at all. It was peaceful. For one moment, he didn't need to worry about anything. 

He could just allow himself to be.

To exist. 

To accept that things now have changed, and the past isn’t coming back.

He can change now. He can choose who he is going to be. 

Eventually, Tojo appeared with their breakfast and the others started showing up.

Today it seems… She brought them durian, as well as some other fruits.

With some treatment, they were way better than yesterday’s meal at least...

But the durian… Ugh. Ryoma still didn’t want to give it a try. It was so smelly yesterday he’d rather never eat it.

But… It wasn’t smelling _now_. It was only the pulp.

Should he… Still be reacting with that much _disgust_ to it? When his problem with it had already been solved?

…

He tried eating the pulp.

...He ended up liking it.

A _lot_.

Way more than that squirrel that’s for sure.

When they finished eating, Ryoma offered to help Tojo clean the place. They ended up chatting a bit during the process.

He picked up a few fruit seeds that were going to be thrown away… Would he be able to grow them on this island?

“Hey, Tojo-san, I was wondering... do you know anything about gardening?”

“I’m a maid.”

Yeah… It would be unlikely she did.

“Sorry.”

“But I _do_ know some basics. I can teach you them but… I can’t promise I’ll _help_. As the bears said, it will take time and effort for anything to be fruitful.”

Well. That works as well. Ryoma is determined to make that garden a reality.

“Thanks! I’ll work out the rest on my own, so that’ll help a lot, I just need to know where to start.”

Turns out, it would be unlikely to plant a few of these seeds at their island in normal conditions. 

But since they _weren’t_ growing in normal conditions in the prison as well, they decided to give it a try.

The first day was spent basically cleaning the ground in a grassy area near the bathrooms. Ryoma had to stop when he felt exhausted. He’d continue the next day.

He went to the sento to take a bath. 

The hot water was really soothing after a day of hard work...

He realized he’d spent way more than he should on the bath when Shinguuji and Idabashi showed up.

Sounds like they were talking about… Disgust?

He could only hear a few things they were saying. He asked them about it.

“Oh, we were actually talking about the creatures! And what makes us feel scared looking at them! So we ended up talking about what disgust means!” The cyborg claimed excitedly.

“You see, humans tend to feel empathy for things they can relate to and see as aesthetically pleasing. But, if something _differs_ from that, if something is… _Disgusting_ , to their senses, then they tend to treat it worse, and be scared of it, even when it poses no threat.“ It was weird seeing such a serious subject coming from the mouths of a kid. Actually, this kid didn’t even take his mask off to bathe, so… Not actually from their _mouth_.

“Like bugs for example! Most of them can’t harm us at all!” The cyborg added.

“But… That doesn’t make them any less _disgusting…_ ”

“You think? Disgust is an interesting feeling indeed. Some of our disgust is learned, and some is instinctive, it usually stems from things that remind us of our mortality and of decay. But it can be unlearned as well.”

“Unlearn disgust?”

“You see, disgust is most times rooted in fear. Of the unknown, of the _difference_ , survival mechanisms we have. But these aren’t always the best option for us.” What he says… Make sense… But… Is he really… So _desensitized_ by everything? “Once we learn to understand how these things work, that they don’t impose a danger to us, proving our fears wrong, and get more exposed to them, they start feeling natural, and feeling disgusted at these things gets progressively harder.”

“You don’t… Think that _maybe_ , sometimes feeling disgusted is better?”

“In survival situations, we have to let go of our disgust. What if we end up needing to eat bugs? Or drinking our-” Ryoma didn’t like that idea at all.

“I’d… Rather die and extend again than do that!”

“Some of these things wouldn’t be that bad you know? Why do you feel so disgusted by them?”

“They’re…” Actually, Ryoma has no idea what to say. Except… _Disgusting…_ “gross. And ugly.”

“Well, ‘beauty’ and ‘ugliness’ are both human concepts that have no fixed definitions and differ from each culture and person.” Wow. That… Really isn’t something Ryoma ever thought about. “Disgust is natural - and part of our survival strategies, but even you can change it. You disliked durians at first right? And today you gave them a chance and liked them! You overcame that disgust.”

“But it’s different. It’s a _fruit_. Not a bug, a fungus or something.”

“Just because fungus are lifeforms that cause decay, that doesn’t mean they’re bad. There are some that _are_ harmful to us but they’re really important for us in general. Many cultures use them. There are some we can use to improve our food, and make stuff like bread or cheese.”

He makes a point… But Ryoma still disagrees with how he thinks. Maybe for survival there are situations that require you to lose disgust for some things. But there are some things you need to be disgusted by, even if they don’t _directly_ pose a threat to you. Like unfairness. Because if you don’t feel anything when you see these things happen… You might allow for worse things to happen.

“But don’t you think… If you get desensitized to everything… It would be bad?”

“Well, it would be, in fact. That’s where pain enters.”

“Pain?”

“Pain is an important mechanism that allows us to know when we’re going past our limits. Ignoring it could bring serious harm. We can be desensitized to some types of pain as well- But not all. In some cultures -”

Shinguuji started talking about some cultures, it seems there is one where people put their arms in ants nests or something. Ryoma wasn’t sure he was understanding all of it or even the _point_ Shinguuji was trying to make. But... he _was_ quite tired.

He woke up with Chabashira by his door again. Once again, Neo aikido training was interesting. This time, they ran a bit around the beach.

“Hey, Chabashira-san. I’ve been wondering, would you be against plucking grass off as well? Would that count as taking a life for you?”

“Yeah, it would!”

“Why?”

“You _degenerate…_ Plants are still living beings!”

“While that’s true. Isn’t it virtually impossible to survive without killing anything then?”

“You see, Tenko knows death is _necessary_ , even for her to keep on living. There are many beings we can’t even _see_ most of the time that we might be harming. But, she believes _all_ of them are important, and we shouldn’t _willingly_ harm them.”

Well… Makes some sense…

“But how did you eat then?”

“At the temple, we could only eat that which was donated to us, and be grateful for it, no matter what it was. Even meat, which we usually avoid.”

“Isn’t that counter productive? If there were no donations, you could have died.”

“But we didn’t. Well, not _because_ of this at least. And if we did, it was our _choice_. To make the least harm as possible. To cause the least suffering as possible.”

“Isn’t that effort useless if everything ends in death and everything dies?”

“Well… It may be hard for a _degenerate_ to understand this but there is no true death. Surely, a life might cease their _current_ existence, but their energy gets converted into something else. Life is a cycle and death is part of it. Nothing is truly fully _lost_.”

Is she talking about… _Ghosts_?

Even if they should be in a purgatory… Somehow, Ryoma still doesn’t fully believe things like these could exist. They are just as senseless as a _god_ , for him.

“Well, I still can’t believe in supernatural stuff like gods and ghosts, sorry.”

“And you don’t really _need_ to. Tenko stopped believing in them long ago… But in the end, what she thinks doesn’t really _matter_. She still wants to be who she wants to be, regardless of someone being there to judge her or not.”

“Wait… You’re religious without believing in a god?” She nodded at the question. “What did you mean by nothing being lost then?”

“Tenko believes that everything flows. Even if a being dies, others will get to live thanks to that. Like mushrooms and stuff. So nothing _really_ ends. But... she is here right now even after dying _twice…_ Which makes she think that even if death happens, it still isn’t the end of _that_ life you know? But, she still has no way to prove that applies to everything.”

Well. That does make some sense in a way.

Ryoma never saw someone that thought like that. 

When they had their breakfast today, Kirumi brought the news that their fruit stock had depleted. They’d have to go back to the island soon.

…. At least, now Ryoma knows he likes jaboticabas and açai.

The group was planning their routes during breakfast. They’d try to gather some fruits and vegetables for now. Shinguuji, Saihara and Idabashi decided to map the area so they wouldn’t get lost and knew exactly where the traps would be better suited.

Since most of the team was full of kids, they avoided any confrontations for the moment.

When they returned from the island, Ryoma resumed cleaning the terrain to make his garden. He finally ended it.

The next day, he plowed the ground. And planted some seeds the day after that. At first, he decided to go with the crops Tojo said would take the least time to grow. And even then… They would take at _least_ two months, and he’d have to be careful and check if there were any bugs and fungi threatening them. And for the fruits he tried planting, there was no way they’d take less than a year - or probably even more, to bear fruits. 

He has no idea if these crops can be close to each other, but in his defense, they _were_ on that island.

Meanwhile he decided to try and clean other areas. Better make sure that if anything goes wrong with the corn and the bean crops, there will be other crops available as well. Ryoma plans to try and get some radishes and green onions for these - he thinks he saw some back on the ruin and Tojo said these grow really quickly.

Neo aikido classes were helping him find some peace, each time a nice relaxing moment, as well as all his work in the garden made him feel he was actually doing something productive after feeling worthless for so long.

Eventually, the fruit stock had depleted once again. But now, since everyone had aged into an adult, and Harukawa got to her middle aged state, they decided to explore the ruins deeper and try to progress their mission. 

One more day and Ryoma would age as well...

The two crossbows they got in the security room had been really useful against larger foes, and seems it would be even more effective if they managed to find something to poison the arrows. They also were able to place some of their traps in the strategic places they planned earlier. 

Since no one was actually relying on direct physical attacks, Chabashira carried a tired Yumeno on her back most of the time. Ryoma wonders how Yumeno managed to accept that, since she still seems slightly afraid of the aikidoka, but he hopes this signals to them having a better chance of getting closer.

Ryoma knew it was likely these bears would put their mission objective somewhere around the place he hated the most.

His prison cell. So they decided to go directly to it.

The path was a bit rough, but everyone managed to get to it alive.

And he was right.

These _unbearable_ bears appeared, with their tacky vignette.

“ _Rise and shine Ursine! Welcome to extend TV!”_

_“You bastards have surprised us, arriving so quickly at this place!”_

_“Yeah! We thought you’d have waay more fights till you ended up agreeing to follow us”_

_“I was betting we’d watch you suckers try doing anything but following us and ending up filled with despair!”_

_“Give me fights! This is so damn boring!”_

_“I do want my drama fill...”_

_“Oh yeah. Usually we save this for the end but…”_

_“We don't think not all of you will be here by the end of this video, we need to explain the important things first!”_

_“There is a super duper strong creature guarding the machine part you’ll need to gather to conquer the island just ahead!”_

_“These types of creatures are directly related to your sins, so we call them ‘bosses’!”_

_“Or, in this particular case, the ‘Creature of wrath’”_

_“It seems that when you defeat a boss related to your sin, you can feel a heavy weight from your heart be lifted!”_

_“And you will be more resistant to your sin when you revive after defeating it!”_

_“They are locked behind these special doors called Zanki Hatches!”_

_“To open all of you need to be there and alive. If you die afterwards doesn’t matter at all, only that all of you are here to open the door!”_

_“But you will need to keep everyone alive to finish all your missions properly! So no purposefully letting others remain dead because you don’t like them!”_

_“OR-YOU-WILL-FAIL-YOUR-QUEST.”_

_“When you defeat the boss, you will get access to a broken extend machine!”_

_“Take the part that is on it and put it on the extend machine you have back in the garage!”_

_“If you manage to clean all the sins from your ruins, get all the machine parts and complete your machine…”_

_“Extending will allow you to have a normal lifespan!”_

_“AND-THAT-MEANS-YOU-SUCCEEDED-IN-YOUR-MISSION!”_

_“Good luck with the boss!”_

_“You will need it!”_

_“Anyway, enough information. I want my drama!”_

_“Today we have a very special sequel right?”_

_“You fuckers can bet it will have no love! Just like all of you!”_

_“Well, if we are to consider the Tennis meaning… It actually is full of it.”_

Well. In a way, they were right. Ryoma has nowhere to go.

And his life has no point.

That’s… _Love_.

But… At least now he has a few reasons to try and go on. To piss these bears off by not doing what they want him to do, training neo-aikido and to make his garden better.

That isn’t _zero_ anymore. And thinking about it… It can only grow from now.

_“It’s time we watch Wrath part 2 - Woe!”_

There again was that cardboard cutout. Would watching it benefit Ryoma in any way? Maybe not paying attention was the best he could do. Not remembering anything, and having less reasons to play into the bear’s schemes…

But… Even _hearing_ was enough to awaken memories on him.

He decided to watch it but not pay much attention to what they said this time. Maybe not hearing them comment on his life would make him feel less mad at them. And getting mad is what these bears want after all.

The video started with that cardboard cutout style they used before. On it, Ryoma could be seen giving his cat away and turning himself to prison.

And then. It all began. 

The _torturing_ life he had at the prison. 

Back then, Ryoma understood they treated him badly for being a murderer. He deserved that. So he accepted being mistreated.

He got used to people picking up on him - and picking him up, stealing his food, beating him, _abusing_ him, making him do other’s chores, seeing him as _weak_ and as worthless for… What? Some of them were _murderers_ as well. Just like him. 

And Ryoma at the time thought he deserved that. 

But… Looking at it now…

They were _always…_ Going for his _height_ ? His _disabilities_?

He can remember what they always called him. The slurs he heard...

How did he… Forget such a substantial part of his life?

It is such an important thing… That shaped so many of his life… How could he just accept this treatment...

  
  


They weren’t picking on him because he was a murderer. It was because he was a little person.

The prisoners treated him as less of a person then them because of something he had no _choice_ of. 

And that was simply _awful_. 

Why did he take this long to realize what they were picking up on him - and only him, because they saw him as an easy _prey_?

In the end of the video, the electric chair he was put in appeared. And then, the video was cut with a “Prisoner of Wrath - End” on the screen.

And screw these bears for commenting on how cute and childlike he is. Or comparing him to a chihuahua because they’re ‘small and angry’ like him. He is an adult. He is a _human_.

And _screw_ that blue one in particular for implying he should go to a _circus_.

He didn’t exist to _entertain_ others. 

That moment, it became clear that nobody in this group would ever get him. At _all_.

Did they expect less from him?

If they ever worried about him, would it come from a place of true worry or… _pity_ ? Or… Do they only care about a certain concept of _usefulness_?

Ryoma ran away.

To where he was going, he had no idea.

He just wanted to be away from other people.

  
  
  


Once again, he hit a dead end.

But, it seems like Chabashira had followed him.

She was… Surely the quickest person in the team right now.

The others were nowhere to be seen.

And she surely wouldn’t let him leave.

But… Why is she worried about him like that?

Is she _really_ worried? 

Ryoma learned that sometimes, when someone treats him better, sometimes it is due to feeling… _Superior_. 

As if the mere existence of him was a proof to others they were better off for not being like him.

Seeing him as an inspiration. 

For all the wrong reasons.

Hearing stuff like _‘If he can do it then I can as well’ with a ‘because I’m_ normal’ often hid amongst their words. Dismissing all his effort and refusing to see him as the great tennis player he was - all because of something that shouldn’t matter that much - but that for some reason _does_.

Is Chabashira like these people, only wanting to fill her ego up?

“Stop it, I don’t want others to _pity_ me!”

“Tenko isn’t _pitying_ you! She only wants to help!”

"You don't understand what having a _disability_ is like! You can’t really help me with that!"

"Hoshi-san… Tenko should have expected to hear that from a degenerate… But Tenko knows she _isn't_ like others as well. She _knows_ how it's like to be treated as someone with no value because of something you had no choice on."

"Oh? You do?" Ryoma doubted it a bit.

"Before the temple, people called Tenko autistic, hyperactive. And Tenko has no idea what these things even _are_ ! They never bothered to _explain_ . They _never_ bother to explain anything to her!”

Ryoma thinks he heard about these disabilities before… What were they called again?

Invisible?

“But she learned that once people know these names they start treating her like a baby, even after she became an adult, and she hates that!” 

Ryoma… Knows that feeling all too well sometimes… 

“It feels fake because Tenko knows they still don't see her as an equal! So they may be better not knowing at all! At least, even if they hate her, they'll still treat her as an _adult_."

Ryoma knew these disabilities that weren’t considered visible could be hideable sometimes _…_ But… Is that really a _good_ thing? 

It’s not like anyone but Ryoma seems to enjoy her presence at all… So maybe… 

It’s not as _invisible_ as it seems.

"And it feels awful! People always pick on you! Tenko is dumb! Tenko is violent! Tenko can't learn stuff! Tenko is childish! Tenko is a volcano! Tenko speaks weirdly! Tenko is a _monster_ ! Guess what? Tenko is a _human_ and she wants to be _treated_ like one!”

She’s… Also had a rough life…

He… Really has way more in common with her than he thought he had…

“You’re right, Chabashira-san…”

“And you know what? She got to get to be a teacher so she _can_ learn stuff! And _teach_ stuff as well. And so Tenko has decided, since the beginning, to treat you like how she'd like to be treated. Like everyone else!"

Well. She surely _can_ teach stuff. Ryoma learned many interesting concepts with her. She explained things in a way way easier to understand than Shinguuji did at least.

Ryoma felt… 

Truly touched by that.

"So you… Never saw me as any lesser…"

"Yeah! Let no one tell you you can't do stuff because of how you were born! If you let others decide who you should be, you will end up being stomped by them! You were a pro tennis player right? Tenko doubts you'd like to be treated as a kid."

"But I _do_ have difficulties and need to have ways to get over them."

"Yeah. Tenko knows. That's why Tenko always pays careful attention so you don’t get too tired at neo aikido training, and regulates your exercises according to what you need to deal better with the day!”

Oh… Thinking about it… He has never felt any shortness of breath whenever they trained. Or too tired. She always stops before he feels any pain as well. 

Instead, he felt really energized.

She increases the time of each trainment bit by bit, so his body is naturally conditioned to the training.

So… She _wasn’t_ just randomly putting weird schedules… There was a reason for all of them...

"I see. I'm sorry Chabashira-san. I think… You would have fit way better than you imagine in society if people bothered to explain things to you, like the people in your temple did..."

“Tenko doesn’t think she’d like to go back to it at all… At the temple, she met people that treated her as human for the first time. People that _cared_ for _everyone_ ... Even the… _outcasts_ . To thank them for what they’ve done to her… She _needs_ to keep carrying these beliefs. And in that society, she can’t really do that...”

Honestly? He can’t blame her.

Better to change subjects then...

“By the way… Where are we?”

“Tenko has no idea.”

“Right.”

She had followed him without much thought after all…

Thankfully, Chabashira’s enhanced hearing makes it so they were able to avoid direct contact with creatures. Turns out, in the forest, there were so many noises she wasn’t able to understand where they came from at all…

As they tried to locate themselves around the place, they ended up discovering it was unlikely the others were still in his old cell because there was no noise coming from anywhere near it…

Chabashira entered the cell by herself to see if they had been defeated by anything there, but the place held no x-keys or any notes.

With no idea where to go now and having to rely on Chabashira’s enhanced hearing skills to try and find others, they spent some while walking around the halls. 

But she got a bit bored about walking without speaking anything so they chatted about some random stuff, until Ryoma remembered something Chabashira had said the first day he woke up here.

“Hey Chabashira san, you said your temple didn’t believe in the prison system the way it was back then… What did you believe in?”

“Oh, that! Stuff like community service, rehabilitation centers and such…”

“And you think that would help?”

“It depends… Before that, Tenko will need to ask Hoshi-san what he thinks is the source of crimes…”

What makes crimes exist?

“Uh… I don’t really… Know.”

“You see, at the temple, we believed that if people had no _reason_ to commit crimes, then crimes wouldn’t exist… For us, a crime was a reflection of a society’s failures!”

“What do you mean?”

“Like… People wouldn’t need to steal to eat if they weren’t hungry!”

It… doesn’t feel like it is as simple as that… Ryoma _wishes_ there could be a society where no one is hungry and everyone has a home, a society where everyone can be equal…

But… He knows humans _aren’t_ like that...

“Humans can be really cruel, even without any _motivation_ for that… They still have their selfish desires…”

“Yeah… _Degenerates_ in particular seem to get it even _worse…_ But that doesn’t mean we should just _give up_ on trying to reach that! In a way, desires won’t ever stop existing. Suffering won’t either… But we can _lessen_ them! And that’s why we need a strong _morality_!”

… Yeah, giving up on something like that _would_ be a bit sad... 

“But… What would happen for people that committed _serious_ crimes? And show _no regret_ over them?”

“Tenko heard the best bet was isolating them, in a way they wouldn’t pose a threat to anyone, until they died… But still making sure they received all the support they needed to live that life comfortably… Not being violent towards them unless _necessary_.”

In a way… That's a _prison…_ But… one that is… Nonviolent? Can that really work?

“Wouldn’t that be… _Rewarding_ them?”

“It might be hard for a _degenerate_ to get it, but… While some _punishment_ is necessary, when we pass a certain point it becomes… _Torture_ . In the temple, we believed that no one deserved that kind of suffering. Would you… Want to submit what you lived through to _anyone_?” 

Ryoma… 

Didn’t. 

Even for his worst enemies. He doesn’t think anyone _deserved_ that…

But… He still doesn’t really _agree_ with this mindset. He feels it lacks something for him. 

Chabashira is not a _bad_ person. 

She has her faults, and Ryoma still wonders what she did to earn being _here_ . But she also has many good points that outweigh these shortcomings, being one of the most reliable persons in this island. Ryoma is still not sure if her hatred of men makes any _sense_ when paired with her general mindset about life… But… this is a worldview that she has _many_ reasons to value. 

Ryoma _isn’t_ her and doesn’t need to follow it. He still can find his _own_ answers and reasons to live.

“Oh. Tenko thinks she can hear the others! They are close!”

They opened a door with a “Safe Room” and a drawing of the monokubs in its front. Everyone else was waiting there.

“Why have you guys gotten out of that cell?”

“We thought you wouldn’t want to go back there.” The detective replied.

Well, that _was_ true. 

“And we didn’t really want to waste our time there, we voted that searching for our objective would be more productive.” Harukawa added.

“Then… Why did you decide to stay here?” 

“Nyeh, I got tired and needed to rest…” The mage yawned.

“Did anyone here think about going after us?” 

Ryoma was a bit scared of the implications if nobody _had_.

“Nyeh... Chabashira went after you so we didn’t worry about searching for you.” The mage grunted

“Aww, so you trusted Tenko, Yumeno-san?” Chabashira seemed delighted by hearing that. But… Ryoma doesn’t think that implies anything good at all. 

And the proof of it was the hesitation in Yumeno’s reply to the girl.

“Well, Somehow you _always_ find me…” She sounded a bit fed up with the girl, but at the same time… 

At least she didn’t want to be outright _mean_ as well.

“Yumeno-san is so cute! Of course Tenko wouldn’t let her be in any danger!”

The mage grunted something.

Maybe Ryoma will need to talk with Chabashira later to explain some important stuff.

For now he’ll change subjects.

“But why did you decide to wait here in particular?”

“There is a ‘safe room’ written on this door so we thought it would be safe!” The cyborg exclaimed.

That… Doesn’t sound promising at all.  
“How can we not be sure this room doesn't have a literal safe or anything?”

“Yeah, that would be a plot-twist. You think you’re heading to a safe place but it only refers to a safe being here...” The detective mused.

“Could you save your chat for later? I want to spend the _least_ time possible here. When are we going to that door?” The assassin quickly changed subjects.

“Oh right! We think we found the Zanki Hatch!” The cyborg jolted.

  
  
  


They walked towards a metallic door that had a circle structure on its front, as well as 8 squares, and a hand recognition device.

“When we put our hands on it, these squares lighted up! But it only lasts for a short while… All of us need to put our hands on it for it to unlock!”

Everyone pressed their hands to the device, each square lighting in a green color…

When it unlocked… No one was ready for what awaited them.

That _thing_. Was a... dragon? Or a creature that looked like one somehow.

Differently from the other creatures, it was _huge_ . Probably the size of a hippo. And more animalistic than the regular creatures - They had six pairs of arms, a body covered by a rugged skin, and two _really_ big horn-like- _things_ that somehow had a blue glow and looked way _softer_ than horns were _supposed_ to be. 

The only humanoid traces to be seen were the humanoid hands. 

And it seemed _really_ angry. 

The sight of the creature left Ryoma petrified. For some reason, Ryoma felt that fighting it was pointless. He will lose. Fighting him would be like fighting the world’s problems. Maybe he could do _some_ damage, but alone he won’t ever take it down.

  
  


The last thing Ryoma remembers is a glowing orb coming up and hitting him. 

  
  
  


Ryoma woke up.

  
  


He was… In a child’s body.

So -- He lost.

...Fair. 

He was too scared to face that enemy. And accepted that alone he couldn’t do anything.

If he was still here it wasn’t a game over yet. Someone might have survived right? And who knows, even defeated that dragon.

He dressed up.

It seems like Harukawa, Idabashi and Tojo were the only ones in the team that weren’t kids… So, even if they managed to defeat that dragon, it was… a disaster.

“So… Have we defeated that thing or…?”

“We retreated! And lost most of our equipment as well, we couldn’t carry everything up.” The cyborg commented.

“The crossbows were useless. The creature of wrath can propel metallic spheres, sometimes electrified.” The assassin described “Its skin is also really rough so our arrows were useless and wouldn’t do anything even if poisoned.”

“Nyeh. Can’t we. Like. Shoot knives with our crossbows?” The mage asked.

“Not really. Would break them. We will need to find a way to defeat them that doesn’t rely on ranged attacks.” The assassin retorted.

“Well, we can’t take the creature of wrath with that many kids on the team.” The maid replied “We’ll need to wait until most people are adults at least.”

So… That was a complete failure…

“Hey, now almost everyone there has a shigabane that makes them resistant to it! So we have better chances now!” The cyborg exclaimed.

“So… What are our new plans?” The detective asked.

“Chabashira-san. Do you think you can hold the creature up?” The maid suggested.

“Tenko can try!”

“But… Then what? The creature will still be able to shoot these things at us… It would be just like _dodgeball_...” The mage trembled.

“What if we break it’s horns?” Chabashira proposed.

Maybe that could work.

But how would they even do that?

As they continued arguing their strategies, every suggestion only led to more questions. And with so many questions, everyone ended up getting tired and giving up for that day and agreed to search the island for new resources and wrap up their strategy later.

Ryoma didn’t feel confident at all. 

But now he had to take care of his plants. But when he tried he realized he couldn’t do it at all as a kid. He didn’t have his full motor coordination back yet.

He needed to ask someone for help.

He can only really think of someone that can help him now.

He promised to not ask Tojo.

Chabashira was a kid now and even if she wasn’t she’d refuse to pluck grass.

That left… Harukawa.

Somehow, she accepted the offer. Turns out neither she likes babysitting others much but also others like to have their own freedom.

She didn’t speak much at all so it was a surprise when she asked something to him.

“How was it… Taking care of Chabashira?”

“I think… It was she who took care of me actually.”

“Weird… I was sure she’d hate you.” She replied.

“Me too… But… Maybe her prejudice isn’t as strong as I thought…”  
  


Their conversation was suddenly stopped by the sight of an intruder. A spider that appeared in the place they were cleaning up. 

Weirdly… Ryoma finds the spider… Quite cute actually. It had 7 legs, and was fuzzy. It had pinkish fur. And almost the size of… A cat? 

“That spider is so fuzzy... Maybe they’ll feel nice to pet…”

“It’s probably a tarantula. You can _try_ but you’ll regret it later, even if it turns out it is not a venomous spider, these tend to be itchy and if you’re allergic they can cause quite a havoc.” Harukawa explained.

“Oh. So. _Forbidden_ fur. Better not bothering them then”

“Yeah”

"You seem to know a lot about animals, Harukawa-san"

She nodded. 

"Seeing predators hunt in so many ways made me feel less bad about having to be… you know. Many people like cats even if they are predators, right? It's not their choice. It’s their nature. Some even play with their prey… Knowing more about nature made me accept dying and killing are normal parts of life.”

Ryoma remembers his cat bringing back some mice and birds sometimes. 

One day, the cat arrived sick so he decided to block all of the cat’s way out so it could have an overall better and longer life.

“Yeah… Thinking about it, animals don’t really care about that…”

“Some have no problem killing their own offspring and their own kind. They don’t have any morals. Morals are inherently human. And even then, people still like them and want to be near them.”

Thinking about it. They are. Animals can’t have human moralities applied to them. Ryoma would never blame his cat for wanting to hunt. It’s his instinct, what he evolved to be. But as someone that took care of him, he could choose to make him not need to do that anymore. And his cat was very important to him.

“Yeah… Thinking about it, having pets is a weird concept. But… It feels so good at the same time… I miss my cat a lot. But I wonder if he ever missed me or just forgot me.”

“I do think it’s likely your cat may have missed you. They aren’t a species that can't form any attachment with humans at all. Like my pet scorpio. I’m pretty sure _they_ never missed me."

“Why did you choose to have one as a pet then?”

“It was a pet of one of my targets. A friend that asked me to take care of them as a last wish… Well, it did live four years with me so I guess it wasn’t that bad… But… They only avoided attacking me because they learned to see me as a feeding source. A beneficial relationship for them. Like Tarantulas and frogs.”

Oh. Harukawa had to kill a friend… That must have felt bad… But she still took care of the scorpio...

“I’m sure they lived a great life. In a way it’s great that they can live independently from us… What’s it about Tarantulas and frogs?”

"...Some people say they can’t be friends. But the tarantulas only let them live because they may be useful at keeping some of their predators out. But they are able to eat them at any moment if they feel like it. That’s just their nature. If they could eat us it would be the same. Don’t you think it’s pointless to keep an animal like that as a pet?"

"I don't think so. I do think that having the choice to not harm the frogs and then proceeding to not eat them makes it clear that there are things stronger than instinct, even if it is for a benefit. Pure instinct would have made them attack them on sight. Having them as pets wouldn’t be pointless. Just making their lives longer is already good enough.."

"Do you think a restrained life is a good life in any way?"

Well that… Depends. One like the one Ryoma had surely _wasn’t_ . But one like Chabashira’s… _Could_ be...

“I guess it depends if they’re well cared for… Did you dislike having a scorpio? Would you want for it to have died early? Or want it to have lived longer?”

“I guess… I would… _Weird_. Maybe I liked them a little bit in the end.... You better hope that tarantula is a female. They live way longer than males."

“Oh. Chabashira would probably like knowing that.”

“Yeah. She _would_...” Harukawa snorted. That made Ryoma see her in a different way. She was a caring person, deep down... “ I would recommend letting them roam free while giving them some free food sometimes… It isn’t really restraining, right? They’ll come back and will probably help you with bug control.”

“Oh. Keeping bugs away? That’s nice. But a bit creepy, they could eat others like them with no problem...”

“Arachnids aren’t really bugs… But even if they were… Our morality is the frail thing here.”

“You think?”

She nodded.

“Humans are just animals after all. These things are in our nature just as in theirs. With enough stimuli, survival situations, they’ll emerge. Not all people think the same. And morals change depending on the time and the cultures. That’s why we need _rules_. Rules are what set us apart from them and made us able to live more peacefully in society."

A bit of a sudden turn in subjects huh… But...

This kind of way of thinking makes sense to Ryoma. 

Yet something on him still can’t fully agree with it. He doesn’t want to think humans are _that bad_ either... 

“Not everyone follows rules. And not all rules are good as well.”

“You think I wouldn’t know?” She snarled. “If they did… People like me wouldn’t need to exist in a society. Morality, more specifically, _Religion_ is what creates people that think they are more than others because of what they believe in, and that willingly break rules.”

Well even if that may apply to some religions, or maybe more specifically to cults… But… Chabashira’s seems a bit different from that.

After a time chatting and cleaning the ground with Harukawa, he decided on naming the spider Karupin, and went to the baths.

Once Again, Shinguuji and Idabashi appeared on it.

He decided to bring a certain subject up.

“Hey… Some people believe that everyone has the _potential_ to become good, since it is something that is earned and we need _morals_ to achieve a better world. Some believe all of us are chaotic by nature and need _rules_ to not destroy everything… I think I’m in the middle of these beliefs because I don’t agree with many things on both sides. What do you guys believe in?”

“I think humans are good! Some may do bad things, but the good ones usually tend to not have as much focus as the bad ones!” Idabashi replied

“I think… Morality is not that different from rules. ‘Evil and good’ are human concepts that vary according to one’s beliefs and where they were born.” The anthropologist replied. “And they serve as a basis for rules. But _stronger_ than them, since they are concepts that are hard to change once learned. They play a huge part in our identity. Both can be equally faulty.”

“So, that means…”

“According to this logic, humans are inherently neutral. We can see them as good or evil according to our own beliefs. By a mere logical sense, we will never have a right answer to this.” Shinguuji completed. “But, I also have my own beliefs that make it hard for me to accept this way of thinking.”

"You seem to know a lot about traditions all over the world, Shinguuji-Kun. After seeing so many faiths, what do you believe in?"

"The only thing I believe in… Is love..."

He didn’t expect to hear that at all.

Well, love could mean many things. And for Ryoma, nothingness was one of these meanings as well. There wasn’t anything he loved anymore. 

“Wouldn’t that… Make everything feel meaningless? Love is… a bit pointless...”

“Well, if everything is already meaningless, then why don’t you do what you enjoy?” The cyborg replied “Does everything need to have a meaning to you to like it?”

“Well… I guess explanations would be good at least…”

“I get the idea but is it bad if we never find explanations at all?” He argued. ”We can’t really know everything…”

“What do you mean?”

“Not everything needs to have a complex reason or motive for you to enjoy or dislike it. Like durian. Liking it as it is is already good enough. Or disliking the idea of it changing as well.” Idabashi smiled. ”I mean… Oh, I think I have an example! If there was any kind of fix to your disabilities… Would you have wanted them?"

"No!”

Even with the difficulties Ryoma had… Even if it gets _harsh_ at times... He _can’t_ picture a Ryoma that isn’t _exactly_ how he _is_ . A Hoshi Ryoma that isn’t exactly like he is now… _Isn’t_ him. Not to mention, many people in his family, many friends of his were just like him. He never saw it as a problem. They never saw it as a problem. And now they were gone. Ryoma has to keep going on as a way to respect them as well. Changing himself now would mean throwing all their stories, identities and struggles to the trash as well.

“See? You love yourself just like how you are right? And you dislike the idea of changing something that doesn’t need to be changed! As you should! You are great just like that! I can’t picture myself without my robotic parts as well!”

Well… That’s true.

Ryoma _did_ love himself in the end.

Love...

A pointless thing, that makes you keep going, even when you know you’ll fail…

Maybe losing wasn’t _that_ bad in _some_ things. 

Of course, winning is great and Ryoma would rather have that. 

But… Now maybe he can understand that love better. 

Playing a game for fun, not caring about scores, even if it never amounts to anything… 

Not caring if you lose, only if you have a good time. That kind of love. 

Building a garden even if it’s unlikely much will come out of it, and takes way too much effort - ended up making him meet Karupin. Not the pet he expected to have. But welcome anyways. Ryoma had been growing fond of them even if he had barely met them. It also helped him have an interesting conversation with Harukawa.

So even if it ends up being pointless and frustrating, and if the garden ends up in loss... It will still end up being worth it in a way. 

They kept talking about other things they liked for that night. Seems the anthropologist likes ropes, Idabashi likes singing, and wants to be an idol.

Ryoma fell asleep. 

The next morning, in the neo-aikido lesson, he decided to give Chabashira some tips that could help her interact with others.

"I know it may be hard, but I think others would appreciate it if you talked less in third person."

"Third person?"

"Yeah. For example, if I were to use Ryoma instead of I. Like, starting by saying more I, and my, instead of your name and her."

"But everyone in the temple spoke like that.. It was seen as respectful... Why does that matter that much? Don't you understand Tenko?"

This was going to be hard to explain. Because it actually doesn’t make much sense. And well, talking with Chabashira made him realize just how some things in society made no sense. But… That is still how society works…

"Yeah. I do. It's just… Some people expect you to be just like them, and the moment you differ they dislike it. They treat you worse. Speaking in third person may be seen as childish, or self centered. Maybe others will treat you better if you can change your way of speaking."

"So… Tenko has to change how she speaks to be treated more seriously?"

"Not around me! I just think the others might treat you harshly because of this sometimes, and not even realize it…"

"Why didn't they speak directly about this before?"

"I guess they expected you to notice on your own… Some societal rules that don't really make sense. They'd think asking for that is impolite. People are needlessly confusing and complicated..."

"Tenko… Will try doing that."

  
  


That day went the same as the day before. Neo aikido, working in the garden with Harukawa, bath, and sleep.

And finally came Ryoma’s time to age. He and Chabashira went to the roof earlier that day and prepared themselves a bit with some exercise, since everyone said that aging hurts a lot.

A few moments before the sun rised, Chabashira mumbled something. 

“Hoshi-san… You were right… The others do seem to be less annoyed by Tenko when she stops talking in third person…”

He only hopes she can get more respect from now on.

Aging felt _so much_ _worse_ than dying. 

It was as if every muscle and bone in his body was trying to harm him, in a desperate effort to grow up. His skin burned, and he could barely focus on anything other than pain. Even with the breathing exercises, everything still hurt a lot for what felt like an _eternity_. Even if it likely only lasted a few minutes.

  
  


That morning was a bit different because Tojo had reached the end of her lifespan and had to be extended, and there wasn’t much they could do but eat some uncut fruit. 

Tojo seemed to be really affected by dying. She didn't take it very well to not be able to do things with as much precision as she can when older - thankfully, Ryoma helped her these next few days. He decided his only work in the garden these days would be watering them, since it didn’t take that much time. And the spider seemed to have taken care of many bugs. Good Spider. 

Helping the maid was only fair, for all her hard work. 

After all, she did not lie. She put adaptations in almost every place they went to.

It made Ryoma feel great to see that every place they went to often, like their kitchen, had small adaptations for him to reach everywhere easily. Tojo really deserved some extra help, she does so much for everyone on the island… 

Differently from prison, which was built for people twice, even thrice his size, every facility was now fully accessible for him.

Being treated as a person and having his difficulties accepted, made him remember that he did like living actually.

And he _liked_ being himself. Losing his family and all support they gave him was partially what made him _forget_ that.

He didn't know much about the maid but whenever she talked to him she had amazing stories to tell about the people she served all the years. 

She even told she got to be the prime minister of a country for some years - but Ryoma thinks that was a joke. It would be highly unlikely, right?

The next one to die of age was Harukawa. Yumeno took care of her for a few days after that. Seems she taught Yumeno to drive the boat - which would be really useful. They didn't seem to talk much and spent their time doing stuff like more arrows and training Yumeno's aim with their only remaining crossbow. They seemed to talk even less than Ryoma and Kirumi in fact. But… Maybe not every friendship needs constant talking.

After a while. Ryoma starts to think he can understand a little bit of each person on the island. Except for the detective. That was often locked in his room. Not that the others didn't lock themselves as well. Chabashira, Ryoma and Tojo were probably the only ones that _didn't_ lock themselves most of the time. But Ryoma can't remember having a conversation with the detective - or hearing anyone have one outside of their scheduled meetings and gatherings. 

He thought he was close to Shinguuji and Idabashi at first, because they used to map the island together and chatted for a while there - but he doesn't remember seeing him talk to them outside of that. Like at the public baths and stuff. 

Even the mage went out of her room more often than him and the mage was another person Ryoma _barely_ knew. What he knew about her, was only stuff Chabashira spoke about. And well, Chabashira spoke a _lot_ about her. At least he knows the mage spends more time near the teacher now - usually when Harukawa is near.

The next few days were focused on building a routine and planning the futures - sure, they needed to prepare to fight against the creature of wrath. And they had less equipment now. But just as important as that, was that they needed to start preparing for a more comfortable life since even if they succeeded at the test they'd still stay in this place. So they started searching the island for materials to gather. 

The traps were quite effective, they often got rams and sheep from them. They found some mushrooms they were using as a poison source as well. The mage picked some tree’s sap and was able to make a glue like substance with it. She also often collected some rocks.

The detective had a theory on why the bears chose such a small time for their living. It was that it made it harder for them to get sick. Or have parasites. Only stuff with really quick action, like poison, affected them.

It made it for them to have to worry less about having to eat raw meat if needed. It was better than rotten meat. The only way they could die from raw meat was if it had poison. Like some types of fish. It was awful for some meat types like ram meat but at times it had to be done.

They started trying to find ways to extract salt and sweeten stuff.

Honey was kinda hard to find and even harder to pick but when they managed to get it, it helped them a lot at conserving things like fruits. Salt was mostly extracted by boiling sea water. They had been letting some algae in some batches as well, since a few could be used as seasoning. 

Thanks to the salt, they were able to find ways to store meat and fish more properly. They had started smoking them and making some pickled vegetables as well.

It was very different from what they were used to eat before, but… they were getting used to it. Way better than raw or spoiled meat.

Ryoma really liked it when they found durian in some parts of the forest and since the fruits were massive, like jackfruit, that meant they were a great food supply.

At least for now. Who knows how long the trees will take to grow fruits again.

There is a sure uncertainty on how they can rely on using them as a supply.

Jackfruit Ryoma only likes when it's cooked with some seasonings. Tenko uses it instead of eating meat sometimes. But it's rare for others to agree to do it, since the process takes a long time and it spoils rather quickly, while they can simply grill meat quickly for making quicker meals.

Ryoma… Doesn’t necessarily enjoy most of his chores. He actually loathes when he’s on fish cleaning duty. But, he likes having a clear goal, and it being useful to everyone else helps him feel less bad about stuff.

Waking up. Training neo aikido with Chabashira. Helping Tojo with cooking and some other chores. Taking care of the garden. Sometimes going to the ruin to help gather new resources. Sleep. It all had a normalcy that felt… like something Ryoma didn’t deserve at all. Even if it had the occasional deaths, it… Felt way better than any of the chores he did at the prison. He felt himself getting to actually like what he was accomplishing.

Firstly, some plants were finally blooming a few flowers!

Sure, planting roots, like carrots, potatoes and cassava, was more practical than trying to grow fruits; Ryoma wouldn’t see fruits for _years_ probably. But… Simply seeing flowers was already really fulfilling. His work was paying off. They were pretty. Ryoma liked talking to them a bit. Differently from the spider, who Ryoma isn’t sure if they understand whenever he tries talking to, Ryoma thinks the plants have grown quicker and prettier when he started talking to them.

But they needed to address the elephant in the room. Or more specifically, that dragon. It had been almost one and half months since they woke up on that island and they had made no progress on that.

One day, while he was taking care of the garden, Yumeno approached him.

“Hey, tennis dude. You’re the one Chabashira has been getting close to right?”

“Yeah, what about it? And my name is Hoshi by the way.”

“Sorry, I still haven’t really memorized anyone’s name other than Harukawa’s..”

“You seem to have memorized Chabashira’s as well.”

“It… would be hard _not_ to when she follows me _everywhere…_ Anyway, I’m here for a reason.”

“Right. What do you want?”

“Let’s make a trade. Please, spend more time with her. Make her spend the least possible time with me. I’ll help you when the time to fight your boss comes, whenever you feel like it.”

This was the thing he expected the least from the mage.

“While that is something I can do, I’d rather not hurt her feelings. Why would you want me to do that?”

“Nyeh, It’s not like I want her _dead_ or anything. It’s just her following me around, cooing about everything I do, treating me like a small animal, all makes me feel like she doesn’t see me as a person, or that she sees me as way too weak to take care of myself, it all is really tiresome.” Ryoma can relate to that. “And when she refers to us it’s always ‘you and the ladies’ and some sort of different stretch. It makes me fear for the _worse_ ... It might also - Well, I’m not sure I can _trust_ you with that actually. Just, _please_ , make her stop. Plus, I’m sure not many people are willing to be in the front line to take your boss out, and I’m pretty sure my distraction skills will really help you a lot. Deal?”

“Fine. It’s a deal.” he shook hands with the mage “But, while I kind of understand where your issue comes from, that’s still really _cold_ , it would have been way easier to just speak to her directly about some of your issues, I’m sure she would have heard you of all people. Going to someone else to patch it... I surely didn’t expect you to hate her that much.”

“I don’t… _hate_ her. She has already shown she was willing to die to protect me after all, so it would be unwise to just throw away the only person around here that _seems_ to trust me. I just… _can’t_ fully trust her…” Oh. Doesn’t she trust Harukawa? Actually… Harukawa seems to trust _no one_ as well... “You just can’t trust people who ask to be your friends, they always betray me at the end of things, when they get to… Well, I prefer being alone way more than being near them anyway. Talking to her is hard, and you seem to have no problems with that anymore.”

“Guess I can relate a bit to some of that. I can’t say my first judgment of her was the best as well. But, I can only do so much, it’s not a real fix of your problem. If you want to truly deal with it, you will need to open yourself to her.”

“Nyeh, it’d be a pain. I’m not good with words, I end up hurting people with them often. And I don’t exactly mind having her near me sometimes, since she is strong and can be of help, offering piggyback rides and all and I don’t exactly want that to end.” Well. Chabashira would be glad to learn that she appreciates these things at least... “And she is so… Intense, and seems to have trouble controlling her feelings, that I have no idea how she’d react if I end up not wording things well, and since she is our strongest meelee fighter…” 

The mage looked uneasy while saying this. She trembled a bit.

Oh. 

Was she _afraid_ of Tenko? 

If Ryoma understood anything about Korekiyo’s speech, she was probably one of these... _trans_ ? People they spoke about that day in the hot springs. And Idabashi said how some lived with _constant_ fear of being murdered and the likes, since many people in society didn’t accept them, saw them as sinners and wanted them _gone_...

If so, coming to him made more sense than going directly to her. 

She might be totally terrified Tenko might try to hurt her. Judging by her reaction when she got first revived, she was likely hit before. Her fear is... _justified_. Especially going by how Tenko voices her hatred for men.

But, he did know the aikido master was way better than she looked like. After all, she was _really_ kind to him, one of the so infamous degenerates.

“Wait, you’re afraid she’d hurt you? I don’t think-”

“You’re not fully wrong. She feels extremely prejudiced. But actually, I'm here for the opposite of that reason in a way... While I’m terrified she might see me as a... _degenerate_ if she knows some things about me, after seeing how she treated you I don’t think she’d... _Seriously_ harm me… And even if she did I _can_ extend…” Ryoma wants to believe Chabashira would be better than that. But… He _can’t_ be sure as well. “She’d probably abandon me then... You don’t want to hurt her feelings right? Me neither. Everyone here but her feels somewhat dead inside most times, even the cyborg, who is supposed to be a _teen_ !” Well… That was true. Idabashi was likely the second most positive person there but some stuff he said in the baths at times was downright _morbid._ ” I’m afraid of making her sad. And if she ends up so gloomy, that she stops fighting or something of the like, it would be a huge trouble for us all. I’m still a mage that wants to see people smile at the end of things, even if they hate me, I’d hate to be the reason for more deaths.”

Oh. Yumeno had her heart in the right place.

The next morning, at the neo aikido lesson, Ryoma decided asking some important things. 

"Hey, why do you like Yumeno so much?"

“You see, when Tenko died, she was sure she’d be in hell. But, when she regained consciousness, the first thing Tenko saw was her, and Tenko was sure she couldn’t be in hell! After all, Yumeno is really cute! She looks and acts like she'd be a character from Tenko’s favourite PrePure Series, Witchy PrePure!” PrePure? Ryoma hadn’t heard that name in years... “Tenko even felt like she might have entered one of these stories at the time… Tenko knows life isn’t at all like these shows, but sometimes wishes and hopes it could be like them… Tenko loves magic, and has always dreamed of being a mage, or someone able to spread smiles like her! She's the person Tenko always wished she was! But Tenko’s too gross and bulky to even dream of that…"

_Oh._

He can feel she has no ill intentions, she just doesn't know how to act much, since only now she is learning to interact with people around her age… And she _does_ have a deeper and more noble reason to like her than Yumeno thinks she has in the end. While still _idealized_ , it’s a beginning at least. Still.

This might turn into a problem _soon._

He surely wishes he could have that kind of feeling towards someone or even life again. That kind of idealistic hope.

"I see. Please be a bit careful on how you word it though, I heard her complaining about how you seem to see her as a small animal and not taking her seriously and how it annoys her.”

“Why? I thought people liked small animals! I love them!”

“They don’t really like being compared with animals. It feels as if you don’t see them as humans, you know?”

“Oh… Tenko messed up… Wait, _she_ talked to you? She never started a conversation with me yet!"

"I said I _heard_ her. Not that I _talked_ to her.” Hoshi felt bad at lying to her but it was better than saying the truth here.

“Oh..”

“And also. Stop with the self-depreciation. Believe me, it won’t take you anywhere good.”

At that morning’s breakfast, Ryoma decided to finally say that he wanted to take care of the creature of wrath soon.

They made their plans.

Chabashira would try to hold the dragon, so others could hit them easily; Yumeno and Harukawa were tasked with being distractions, using smoke bombs Yumeno made and other things to keep the creature busy.

The others were to attack and prioritize finding a way to break the horns. 

They prepared all the items they’d need so they could go the next day.

Now that they got used to it, travelling the island went smoothly.

They reached the Zanki Hatch.

Seeing that dragon again… Ryoma actually felt _bad_ for it. It attacked on pure rage, despair. Just how Ryoma acted in the past.

The creature's movement patterns were kinda predictable once you got to it. Its horns glowed whenever they were readying themselves to shoot the electric projectile. The electric projectile would always follow a straight route, so if they were quick enough they could avoid it. 

Yumeno and Harukawa made a good team. Yumeno distracted the dragon with smokescreens, while Harukawa put traps and the glue-like substance on the terrain. Chabashira held the dragon's tail as much as she could and… Well, While she was strong, it still wasn't enough to flip the dragon over. She only made it move slower.

But the sticky substance Yumeno and Harukawa put on the ground did. And it ended up stuck to the ground.

They picked all the spheres the dragon shooted at them and shot them back. They were made of… Metal. Just like the ones Ryoma used in the past...

It took a while, but after some shots to their horn, the horn broke and a weird… Thing. Dropped on the floor. 

Then the creature roared. It seemed to try to use their tail for something, but the aikidoka’s strong grasp over it rendered the creature’s efforts useless. But they didn’t have much time left since her struggle to keep the tail in place was showing. The creature then tried attacking Chabashira, but before it's head was able to get to her, Yumeno threw a smoke bomb in the creature's mouth, and the creature went after her. A bad choice for the beast, as she could run freely. 

There wasn't much it could do now. Ryoma picked one of the spheres the creature hurled at them earlier. With the dragon weakened, he gave a final shot with his frying pan. A precise hit on the center of the creature's head. A quick end would be less cruel after all. The thing is… the creature _bleeded_. 

Weirdly… It _didn't_ melt into dust or seemed like it would any soon. 

Only when Shinguuji and Keebo managed to break the structure that looked like it’s horns that was in the tail, the creature melted and tre pink on the floor disappeared.

Ryoma felt a heavy weight leave him when he defeated the dragon. It was as if his mind became clearer…

He suddenly felt bad at the realization as well…

Why is he feeling so good after killing that dragon? What wrong did the dragon do? Trying to survive? Just like _them_?

Was what he did good in any way? Did he have any way of defeating that dragon without killing them?

Ryoma has no idea. But he can't go back. He has to move forward.

"Is it over?" The detective asked

"So what is this?" Idabashi said as he picked the things that dropped from the dragon's horn and tails with his robotic arm. "It's like. A weird tentacle. Thingy” 

“I'm not sure if it's safe to touch these." Shinguuji said.

"Let's put it into some kind of container or something then. They look like they're important..." The detective suggested.

They put the… tentacles in a bottle.

The did it.

There should be some reward soon, right?

They walked around and grabbed a part of an extend machine that was in the room next to the Zanki hatch. That must be what these bears wanted right?

They returned to the island and decided to take the day off.

It was difficult. But they did it with no casualties this time. 

After they put the missing part in the extend machine, it started updating… 

It would take a while until they were able to use it again...

Ryoma took a bath.

Now that he took a time to think about it…

He has surely learned many things ever since he woke up on that island.

Ryoma wasn’t exactly sure what to do now. He had been given a new chance. _Many_ chances actually. To be reborn and start again. Lifes he did nothing wrong at all. Where there’s no one to judge him, where he doesn’t need to fear being a prisoner.

His wrath is still in there. Way less for sure. It’s going to take way more time for him to heal completely from it, if he ever does. But, he is making slow progress with it, a little bit each day. Allowing himself to enjoy things again. Allowing himself to lose and accept loss more easily.

Sure, he still doesn’t have his family. Nor his cat. But who knows. If what the Monokubs said is true, _maybe_ if they succeed in this, he might even get to see everyone -family, girlfriend, friends and his cat - again. 

And if it isn’t, true... He feels great just with the idea of having a few trustworthy friends.

People who don’t look at him from who he was in the past, but look at him from who he is now. And he feels he is becoming a _better_ person. 

And well… He actually found an answer that works for how he will view life for now. 

Life has the power to adapt. To change. Sure, bad things will happen but you can always find ways to handle them. _He_ still has ways to go.

He won't go out of his way to harm anyone. Now he knows there are different ways to express your rebellion that weren't related to destroying things. Making stuff others don't believe you are able to, for example.

The past _isn't_ going to change. But the present _can_ . And Ryoma will do his best to go back to being someone he _wants_ to be.

He will still do his best to rebel in the ways he can. 

If there ever is a chance for him to change things for better through fighting, and rebelling, he _will_ do so. No need to feel regret over it. 

But things that are harmful and dangerous to others… He won't allow them to pass. 

And… Now he has _many_ things he's been looking forward to. 

Aikido actually felt kinda therapeutic, and being near Chabashira was far from boring. Her optimism and energy was surely getting bit by bit into him. He still wonders if he can call themselves friends, but, there’s no denying that they trust each other a bit now. He feels as if she is like a sibling he never had.

Tojo is a great woman and he learns so much with her every time. She is a pleasant person to be near to.

Harukawa and Yumeno aren’t bad persons deep down. They are well meaning in their own way.

Idabashi is really smart and can translate some of the things Shinguuji says, they both have very interesting themes to talk about every time even if Ryoma usually doesn’t understand what is going on most of the time. 

Saihara… He hopes he gets to know him better.

There were so many things in the world it seemed like Ryoma still had no idea about. And learning about them was great. The future was uncertain. But he will be able to handle it now. 

Sure, there’s no way to know what is going to happen, but, for the first time in a long time, Hoshi feels _hope_ when he thinks about the future. 

Like being able to eat food he harvested and cooked on his own. Keeping this newfound routine.

It isn't something _big_ like he once would have dreamed in the past. But it's _more than enough_ for him to keep going on for now.

And hey, talking to plants feels soothing. They grow prettier each time Ryoma talks to them. It was nice seeing Karupin as well. 

Caring for them… Caring for these things… Wasn’t meaningless. They’re all human. They’re all alive.

And humans need to take care of each other to survive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should have delved into some themes here but… I didn't want the fic to get that heavy so I'm leaving it on implied stuff mostly.  
> But. Since I'm not a little person and english is not my first language I don't have really the right to delve that deep into it because I may end up screwing something. So I went to a broader approach, one that I know is relatively common with most disabled people and that I had classes about. I hope I was able to convey my message well! I thought about being a bit more subtle but I can't risk trying to be subtle in another language and risking losing all of my meaning so this is about as subtle I can get.  
> I hope I have treated well the themes of this chapter I thought about making it about depression but... Depression can't really be cured easily. So I made this chapter theme being about accepting loss (and putting a tennis reference of love in there) and learning about new ways to deal with it, as well as introducing most of the cast and their worldviews.  
> Next chapter might have a different structure.


	4. One sunny day - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clashing worldviews

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was going to post this chapter in it’s full rendition, but since my sister finished her birthday gift for me this year I also had to post something this year that I planned to have posted that date before the year ended. So... I'm splitting it again. posting what I have revised of it. Sorry for the delay, it's been a long while...  
> Merry... holidays?  
> Content warnings: Uh, some alcohol and drinking references here. Parasites. And death as well.

_No matter how I spread my arms_

_I can not fly at all,_

_But unlike me, a flying bird_

_Cannot run fast on ground._

_Though I rock my body back and forth_

_It makes no pretty sounds,_

_Yet unlike me, a ringing bell_

_Does not know many songs._

_A bell, a bird, and also me..._

It had been two months since they had first woken up on that island. And that meant a new sin ruin should arrive in about a month. 

The group had focused on gathering resources, crafting weapons and equipment that would be helpful for them. Once they found means to preserve their food in a more effective way, trips to the prison ruin were less needed, and they finally had more time to relax.

And after defeating the creature of Wrath, as the so-called ‘Reward’ the cartoon bears talked so much about, they gained access to a new area. 

Something about ‘a gift to their patience’ that was ‘an old test site’ they spoke about and Tenko didn't understand what they really meant.

The island… Had no creatures or _dangerous_ animals, just like the bears said. It had a few bugs, frogs, and lizards. And the usual vegetation taking over some buildings but way less bad than the garage island, it had some really _cute_ flowers, and lots of grains and stuff Tenko was allergic to, like peanuts and corn. But… It didn’t have _rice_.

It also had _none_ of the things Tenko expected they would find on a test site, like sciency stuff she didn't really understand, fancy looking glasses, medicines... Instead, the island was full of stores, some that they weren’t able to get in at all because they were locked and they couldn’t break in.

Not like they _need_ to go to a _bar_ , if anything, it would make it even more _awful_ to have _drunk_ degenerates around!

Most of the stores… Should be clothes stores but they only had some really specific costumes, like stuff only an astronaut or a _clown_ would wear.

Talking about the clothes, Yumeno had picked a black coloured mage robe and hat and had been wearing these ever since, alongside a _lovely_ red cape! She looked really _cute_ on them! But Tenko _really_ liked how she looked with her unicorn hoodie as well. 

Or _pegasus_ as she was corrected. Seems unicorns have horns, pegasus have wings and earth - _regular_ , horses neither. And these blessed with horns and wings were alicorns or something. 

Tenko really hadn't seen many horses in her life, much less ones with horns or wings or both of them so she wouldn’t know.

No one else found any of the clothes interesting. Tenko wishes they had cute dresses or, gis, kimonos or even hakama… These would make either she look less ugly or make it easier for her to train. 

She wishes there were any comfortable _pants_ near her. These jeans they got there just felt way too hot and itchy. But it was better to explore the forest in them, since you ended up with less scratches and bruises.

Besides these there were some stuff like sarashis (at least Tenko thought she saw them once but they disappeared next time she went to the island), haramakis, and fundoshis on there.

She had no interest in wearing a fundoshi, that’s for sure. And she hopes no _degenerate_ in the group tries wearing them either. So she picked a haramaki with a cat stamp. It was just so cute! 

She likes their breathable fabric a lot, and they make her belly feel warmer… And hid her abs. She feels the girls around her are intimidated by them at times. 

But... the one time she used these, it was clear others judged her even if they didn’t _say_ anything. 

Exactly _because_ they didn’t say anything actually. And avoided talking to her at all. So she only really wears them in her room now...

There was this HUGE clothes factory in this ruin. There was no way to get far into it because the locks there were all electronic and the doors of really sturdy metal. They still had access to it’s fabric however.

They also found many specialized hobby stores with collectibles, games, manga and anime dvds in them. Not that they had any access to electricity, and the extend machine had no game cartridge slot, so the dvds, and games were dubbed useless. 

Tenko still took a few of these that had cute cover arts to her place. They had dvds and games for some of her favourite series, like Prismatic Paradise! And had series in that franchise she hadn’t watched yet, like Prismatic Channel! 

And loads of Pretty Pure stuff! Tenko loved PrePure! Slightly less than prismatic paradise, but it was at the second place in her heart. Weirdly, Tenko never found anything related to her favourite PrePure series… 

Maybe it was really old now? She didn't have access to many DVDs and manga at the temple and what she watched was based on donations the temple received and that the monks thought had good messages for the kids. 

Or maybe, if this _was_ purgatory, it was so ahead of time that they had earlier access to the PrePure series before they even began existing? 

Tenko surely didn’t recognize most of the series there… There was one about sweets? One that had a cheerleader. One had a name related to stars so maybe it was about space. One about… doctors? And tropical... _Sea_? 

But none of the stores had any toys or plushies of them, stuff Tenko always wished to have when she watched this kind of series. The others found these stores kinda useless, their books weren’t really helpful for their survival, since they were fictional (Exceptions were Hoshi who picked a few sports manga, and Tenko swears she saw Saihara taking a few manga back to his place once), and they barely went to this island, prefering to pick fabrics whenever they had to go there. 

She wishes they went there more times, if only she knew how to drive the boat, or swim, she’d grab more things for her to read. She can’t carry many things on her own. 

Oh yeah! When they first arrived on that new island, Yumeno started putting on many small magic shows for Tenko. Stuff with these cards with cute animal and monster stamps, flowers, coins, making things float, or disappear and appear in Tenko’s hand… It felt great, watching them, and Yumeno was truly a great mage! _But_...

Truth is, ever since she woke up on the garage island Tenko couldn’t stop thinking about Yumeno. And she had no idea _why_.

And even if Yumeno put these small shows for her, with a considerable frequency, something didn’t make sense at all.

Almost every time she tried to approach Yumeno on her own, even when Harukawa was around her, which was _often…_ Things felt… _Odd_.

It started with small things, like Hoshi asking for her help with something. 

Sometimes it was regarding helping find his spider, sometimes it was helping with Tojo. And while Tenko liked being _helpful…_ She couldn't help but feeling like something was _wrong._

One thing is needing help once, twice, or five times. 

But it was almost _always_.

And it didn’t help at all that she didn't truly fit there. Tenko wasn’t _that_ dumb, she realized they only asked for her help out of obligation there. 

Because more often than not, it couldn’t be any more obvious than the best help Tenko could give them at times was doing _nothing_ at all.

Tenko could see Tojo cleaned the places Tenko was asked to clean after she had done it, and often denied doing so. 

It got to the point Tenko started questioning herself because she knew that it wasn’t her that did that, but she never actually _saw_ Tojo doing it. 

  
  


She couldn’t cook, and whenever she tried, the results tended to make others in the group beg her not to.

She either seasoned way too much or forgot seasoning, mixed up things she didn’t know shouldn’t be mixed because she had never ever _seen_ most of these ingredients in her life… 

She only really was good at making salads, because these _shouldn’t_ be seasoned until they’re served, and jackfruit meat - but few people actually _liked_ that. 

Tenko used to eat it a lot at the temple so it surprised her only the anthropologist knew about it. 

She misses rice. How can _anyone_ live without rice?

But… They didn’t have rice there...

The worst thing about salad was that Tenko herself had trouble with vegetables and fruits, and only liked them in very specific ways. That she had _no way_ of reproducing here. 

But she still ate whatever was offered to her without complaints, she didn’t want to be seen as the ‘picky kid’ she was always called when she was with her family. 

She gobbled everything quickly, in hopes the sensations they gave her were less bad like that. 

She only avoided stuff she was allergic to, like nuts and grains. But turns out that was something they had easy access to thanks to that new island.

Oh yeah! This one day she had the idea of overcoming her allergies all at once, by eating a huge mix of these at the same time, so that her allergies wouldn’t trouble the group. 

It felt awful feeling her whole body swollen up and losing her breath and having a slow and painful death at the time, but after she got the shigabanes she actually realized she liked their crunchy textures quite a lot.

Eventually, they started asking for her help at doing things Tenko absolutely _loathed_ doing, like counting fruits and vegetables. 

Tenko _sucked_ at math and often couldn’t count at all. Heck they ended up counting them themselves after that so why even _bother_ putting her to do it?

She really didn’t understand why they kept doing that. But eventually she reached a conclusion.

They didn’t do that at _all_ if she didn’t try to approach Yumeno and Harukawa.

And whenever she asked if it was because one of them disliked her, Hoshi dodged the subject. 

And… That only makes Tenko convinced that’s the case. 

She thinks… It’s more likely to be Harukawa. 

After all, Yumeno does put up these magic shows for her, talks to her a lot about magic, and Harukawa is really strict with her. 

But they also got in Tenko’s way when she tried going after Yumeno on her own so _maybe_ there’s something on that as well. It’s _unlikely_ right?

But…

It still felt odd and was still a _possibility_. So Tenko was desperately trying to find things that take her mind off the mage, since she was practically unreachable.

Manga works. For a while.

Once she read all the manga she took with her to, which didn't really take that much time because they didn’t go to the island often and there’s only so much she could take with her, she found herself quite bored. 

Because when she tries rereading stuff… Soon, her mind is filled with ‘what ifs’.

What if Yumeno was this manga's protagonist?

What if they read this manga together?

What characters would she like on this? What would she dislike?

She knows it's unhealthy. Thinking so much about someone that you can’t get that much close to, no matter how hard you try.

But no _matter how hard she tries_ , she _can't_ stop thinking about these things.

Tenko… Had no friends in that place. The closest thing was Hoshi, and he was a _degenerate_ . He was actually not bad for one, being her disciplined student and all, but he also… Wasn’t being _honest_ to her. 

And… This was awful, because a short while ago he was the only person in this whole group that _was_.

Besides him there’s… Tojo.

Not that she dislikes Tojo, she actually liked her quite a _lot_ at first… 

But now... she can’t help but feel she is trying to baby her sometimes and never takes her seriously. 

And that makes her feel a bit uncomfortable near her nowadays. She’d rather avoid her.

The remaining ladies on the island… Harukawa and Yumeno... were completely unapproachable…

So, she can’t reach any women in the group at all… And she doesn’t feel like going out of her way to approach _degenerates_.

This makes her have no idea how she’ll survive in this world. 

There are only eight people in this world, and except her, _all_ of them want to be left alone most of the time. 

And Tenko feels so, so _bad_ when she is alone.

Back at the temple, she learned that being alone was so _boring_. 

If she is alone she has no idea of what to do so she’s likely to lose track of time watching and reading stuff without even eating or going to the bathroom, but even that's the _best case scenario_ since she actually enjoys when she can do that. 

_Most_ times she was alone, she’d spend the whole day doing _nothing_ but sitting still and looking at the mangas and dvds because she had no idea which of these she’d like to choose to watch first since there were so many things she wanted to try. She had no idea where to start. And when she looked at it, a whole _week_ had passed. Sometimes, _months_ . And she did _nothing_ . Only _wasted_ her time. She hated that.

Tenko _needs_ to be around other people to be able to do something. Having people give her tasks makes it so much easier for her to do anything. 

She wants to make herself useful to them. After all, in the temple, helping out was always seen as a good thing to do. She is doing nothing these past few days and she hates that. She hates that so much that she thinks maybe being near _degenerates_ might not be the _worst_ option.

There _is_ something missing in there. She never felt like she fit in the world during her life, but it feels particularly _worse_ in this… Whatever this place even is. 

It’s like even if she was given another chance of living, she still doesn’t belong _anywhere_. She just has scraps of attention from anyone who isn’t called Tojo and Hoshi most of the time.

Even then, it’s not like anybody here shares her interests. Or she does understand much about anyone else’s.

Tenko _needed_ to interact with other people. She was so used to it back in the temple... Problem is, she always had trouble connecting with them. 

Her impulsiveness and her by the guts instincts mean she often finds herself fighting others when she disagreed with them. It was way more intense in the past. She got so much _better_ at it in the temple.

Tenko doesn’t remember that much of her childhood, except her family was really religious. She spent most of her life in the temple, after the _incident_. And she still has some troubles with deciding what she believes in thanks to that. She had always believed she’d go to hell, that she was a monster.

She was twelve at that time, and had her whole world completely changed from one day to another.

Everything was completely different. She knew no one, trusted nothing. She couldn’t even trust her _family_ anymore. After all they abandoned her after that.

She had completely lost her voice, and felt imprisoned in that temple. It _felt_ like hell. 

And then she found her master. 

Someone that listened to her, took her seriously, gave her that _bell_ and let her do whatever she wanted. And that temple stopped feeling like a prison. 

Started feeling like a _home_. A safe place.

And the other monks… They also treated her nicely, but often tried to teach her about life and it’s cycle. 

They said to her that there wasn’t a permanent hell, or monsters at all and that all life was full of impermanence.

A near endless cycle of death and rebirth, influenced by your actions, and that you didn’t necessarily have to be reborn as a human.

One cycle one could only break if they extinguished having desires, and individuality.

Those that did bad things - most _degenerates_ \- were to come back way more times and suffer, and those that did good things would have to suffer less times.

All beings could eventually reach enlightenment, but some would take more than others.

You could always improve yourself and change, your progress solely depended on you, and not on fate, luck or something of the likes.

She didn’t understand _everything about_ this and didn’t really pay attention to some teachings, but she understood martial arts training, and she liked these a lot. They helped her express herself when her voice failed.

Specially aikido. You didn’t need to compete in aikido, and Tenko _hated_ competing. School was full of competition for grades and Tenko was _always_ last. 

Instead, it was focused on self-improvement.

According to aikido e _veryone_ had a chance to get better, if they worked hard on it. 

Everyone can improve.

Even _Tenko_.

She preferred to believe that. She _needed_ to believe that. 

It made her feel more hopeful than to believe she was _doomed_ from the moment she was born and that she needed to _plead_ for a god’s forgiveness to even have a _chance_ of happiness...

Tenko found herself conflicted with extremely different worlds and worldviews in a short amount of time back then. 

Just like she is right _now_.

Adapting to the temple’s life was _really_ harsh. The temple had so many restraints. 

Just like this place.

A single meal per day. She couldn’t eat many sweets, she couldn’t get too excited for holidays, she needed to help them with the chores sometimes, but most importantly she didn’t have her family anymore. And honestly, after some years of them not even trying to contact her, she stopped caring about them. The people in the temple were her family. 

And now… Life is even _more_ restrained. She has no access to anyone back in the temple. Her master, the other monks, her students… 

Even after a long time and so much time training, she… Wasn’t able to connect to _anyone_ in this new place. 

She was only able to thrive back in the temple thanks to people who trusted her. Who gave her a safe space. 

But here she didn’t have _any_ of these things.

She went through such a huge change before. And it started off feeling awful back then. It took months for her to stop loathing it, but she got _better_ thanks to it in the end. 

So, after being thrown in such a huge change once again, she was hopeful at _first_. Especially because Yumeno is so cute and nice! And helped her get up when she first woke up! 

But when she first saw extend tv, she started wondering if her parent’s religion was actually _right_.

They spoke of a god, of sins, and besides Yumeno, she was, day by day, more sure the place she was in was _hell_.

And she didn’t even _believe_ in hell. 

Her parents did. And they always said she’d end up being there. 

She believed in reincarnation. At first, she believed the monks had told her the truth - Extending was like reincarnation, right?

But it worked _completely_ different from the one they told her. 

One was supposed to come back in many life forms... Like animals and plants, and other stuff. And die in many ways. 

While Tenko died in many ways, she didn’t come back as an animal or anything different even _once_. 

If she understood it right, because of their constant state of worry - eat or be eaten - animals were supposed to be the life forms beings went to when they needed to pay for their deeds.

Their reality was so much more _cruel_ than that. Coming back as a human, might be even _worse_ than coming back as an animal ever could be. Because maybe, she could offer more to others if she was an animal.

If she was an animal maybe Yumeno would find her _cute_ . Or she could serve some purpose to others, being it not having a problem hunting or using a heightened smell to find stuff… Or even feeding others with her flesh if that’s what it took. Maybe _that person_ would have liked her more if she was a dog, right?

She wished she could do more for the team than just being physically strong. Because, Even then, she can’t even kill anything. Everyone else has so much more to offer. The only thing that really seems to make her have some use in the team was her strength. And the only way she can use it is to defend others.

With her life. 

So she charges into battles way too often. She risks herself to protect others a lot. She dies so often she never even reached her middle aged stage so far. 

The aging effect felt awful, but, while it hurt more than some deaths, was not nearly as painful as many of them. 

And each death hurt _so much_ . Tenko still has many nightmares about them sometimes, she doesn’t ever remember what first killed her anymore. She had so many _painful_ , gruesome deaths.

Yet, Tenko tries to endure the pain. Tries her hardest to keep a smile on her face. 

To help without complaining about anything besides degenerates.

So she has a chance of having _them_ care about her. 

She always had such an awful pain tolerance… But… she was starting to become numb to it whenever she battled. 

Maybe it was a shigabane effect? She surely had _loads_ of these by now. 

Or maybe she was getting so used to her deaths, that her body just _stopped_ processing them.

  
  


The miserable life she is in is even _worse_ than hell.

Maybe Tenko _wishes_ she was an animal, because she thinks the suffering of being _her_ in this setting is way worse than anything even her parent’s _hell_ could bring.

She is trapped in this place where nobody likes her much or gives her a _chance._

A place that she can’t really keep most of her beliefs, and needs to die really often. 

There was no routine, the meals were really diverse and she disliked most, she had to eat so many things she would never eat in normal conditions, there was no safe spot for her except her room, and the only recurring things were that she kept seeing the same persons but they didn’t try to approach anyone at all, nor were very open to her approaches. 

She had to do things she always vowed _against_ doing like helping kill animals and creatures, even if she never took a life by her own hands. 

A place where none of the girls like her and her closest companion is a _degenerate…_

It clashed so much with all her beliefs, she still has no idea how she _still_ hasn’t lost her voice again…

One dawn, she couldn’t sleep and decided on going to the baths. 

Being communal or not didn’t really matter anymore. 

She was often on her own since Harukawa and Yumeno never went with her and Tojo rarely had the time to go with her as well, so she ended up giving up on asking the others to go with her. 

The only one that did was Tojo, and even that was rare. 

And she was feeling increasingly more _uncomfortable_ around Tojo.

She gave up. 

In this kind of situation, it’s usually these first few moments that decides the group you’re in right? 

And she _lost_ that timing. 

The groups were already decided. 

Even if they prefer to be left on their own in the island, whenever they went to explore the other ruins, it was always Harukawa and Yumeno, Hoshi and Tojo, and Idabashi, Saihara and Shinguji. 

She tried to fit in with Harukawa and Yumeno many times but… Her only use in it was giving Yumeno piggyback rides because Harukawa didn’t want to do that.

When she went to school, whenever she failed to join groups and make friends in the first few weeks it meant she would be alone in that class for the rest of the year. 

Or if she managed to get close to a single person, either they would end up going to another group and move on without her, just like what happened with Hoshi, or that would be the only person she would talk to for months until they vanished, because usually these people she got close to tended to move classes midway through the year and she was to lose contact forever. As if they never existed.

If she failed that once again… Then she’s _doomed_ to spend the rest of her… 

Death? 

No. 

Afterlife... 

_Alone_. 

And who knows for how _long_.

Maybe… She hopes they fail this test. 

Because if they succeed she might have to spend an _eternity_ like this. 

She’d rather vanish right _now_.

She feels a bit cold when she thinks of this loneliness. 

So she needs something to warm her up. 

So even if she feels bad to go to the bath alone… 

It’s still _warm_ at least. Like a hug...

So even if no one is awake now… 

Even if everyone is asleep… 

Tenko… 

Just can‘t sleep at all.

So she walked down all the stairs as quietly as she could. 

And went to the sento.

She didn’t expect to find a degenerate, of all people, in the _woman's_ side of the communal bath while he tried to bind a Sarashi on his chest. 

He was terrified when Tenko found him out. 

Tenko helped him tie the sarashi, waited for him to dress up, then threw the degenerate _away_ from the bath.

After all nobody deserves to be thrown around _naked_.

But… When she threw him out...

She realized he was… Really insecure. And couldn’t trust others… But for some reason, she feels she... _can’t_ connect with him at all. 

He feels way too similar to _him_. 

Not that she wants to connect with the degenerate anyway.

“Don’t you come near women’s bathrooms, you degenerate!”

“But… Legally, I can only enter this bathroom!”

“Like laws _matter_ there, _degenerate_!”

“Wait so… You… Still see me as a man?”

“Of course, you degenerate! Why wouldn’t _Tenk-_ I?”

“And you… Helped me tie my sarashi…”  
“Yeah! Why the hell would _Ten -_ I throw out someone while they’re naked! Now, hurry and go to your side degenerate!”

“I can’t risk going to it! Others might find me out...”

“Why does that matter? Aren’t you a _man_? And I doubt anyone else is awake right now.”

“Even if I am a man… They _might_ not see me as one! Because… I wasn’t _born_ like them and-”

Oh. Great. She has to deal with a self doubting degenerate.

"Saihara. Does it matter at all for us if Iidabashi-san lost his limbs or was born without them? The end result is the same."

"Well. It does matter but when you put it that way… It's none of our business."

"See, even a _degenerate_ can understand this. I don't care about the specifics. It's not my business. And nobody else’s actually.”

“While that’s true... _where_ does that relate to my problem at all?”

“The past doesn’t matter on this, only the present. And if you say you’re a man, then _you’re_ one. Everyone knows who they are. It’s not _that_ hard, Saihara-san. That part isn’t up for Tenko or others to decide. So you go back to the degenerate's side.” Tenko pointed to the woman’s side of the bath. “ _This_ isn't your place.” She then gestured to the men’s side. “ _That_ one is."

Saihara had a few tears in his eyes.

“It’s… More complicated than that… And your comparison wasn’t exactly the best but… this might not be that bad. I’m _honestly_ surprised you didn’t react the way I thought you would.”

“And how do you think _Te-_ I should have reacted then?”

“Well, saying that it was a waste for someone _like me_ to _choose_ being a degenerate. That I was crazy, or something of the like.”

Tenko felt horrified by the idea of someone to think she’d think like that. Just how bad… Do other people think she is?

“It’s obvious it isn’t a _choice_ ! If it was, there would be _no_ degenerate males in this world at all! _Ten-_ I mean, who wouldn’t _want_ to be a woman? These things are in your essence! You know who you are!”

“... Your gender views are very misguided but… You might be on a way better track than most people in my past were…”

Tenko has no idea if that’s an insult or _not_.

But… Saihara was laughing. 

Was he… Laughing at _her_ now?

Then it _must_ have been an insult. 

As expected from a _degenerate_.

“Look, degenerate. Just. Go where you belong. Don’t go back to the women’s bath!”

“I can’t risk others seeing me!”

“Why? Don’t you trust the other degenerates here? Aren’t you supposed to be buddies? Wash each other’s backs as you bathe together? Urgh, disgusting _degenerates_...”

“Yeah, that’s _exactly_ it. I don't trust them. I don’t have _friends_ here exactly. And that’s why I can’t allow myself to be vulnerable around anyone! What about you? You’re also there alone on a dawn. You aren’t that much better than me!”

How dare the degenerate pick on her? 

She has tried!

Differently from him!

“You… degenerate…” Calm down, Tenko, breathe. You’re _better_ than that. The degenerate also feels a bit odd for a reason… Try to think what may be causing that... “Tenko tries alright? She tries really hard but even then the others _don’t_ want to be around her! Everyone hates her! It’s _always_ like that! She isn’t alone or friendless by _choice_ at all!”

“You think that this was my first _choice_ ? You think I haven’t tried? I did try a lot in the past! And it never lasted for long! Working so hard to do something that might work for others but just _doesn’t_ for you is… _Pointless_ .” The detective looked really… _Tired_. But… Something about that… Made some sense. “It’s no fun having to drain up all your energy trying to fit in! Doing things you don’t like to keep meaningless relationships! It’s better to preserve your energy and health and just… Give up, if the end result will be the same…”

Tenko… Know’s there’s some truth to that but… 

She doesn’t want to enter the same self wallowing state he is at all. 

He looks _miserable_ and Tenko doesn’t ever want to become like that. 

It would be… Like becoming stagnant. 

And never moving on.

“Do you like doing nothing? Don’t you want that to change?”

“Did trying _work_ for you? Did you form any meaningful relationships here?” He had a point… It didn’t. The closest thing was Hoshi and even them, _lately…_ It doesn’t feel the _same_ as it once was. ”Some things you won't be able to change, no matter how _hard_ you try. It would require changing a whole system. That takes way too much effort. And I wouldn’t be able to do it alone anyway.” 

“Hey… You don’t have to do it alone!”

“Too bad! I have _no one_ I can trust! Or anyone that can help me!”

“Well, Tenko can!”

Why did that come out of Tenko’s mouth? Saihara was a _degenerate_.

But… Just like Hoshi… He was in need of help… 

And right now she is the only person that _can_ help him. 

And… Maybe _she_ needs help as well. Wherever it comes from.

Maybe… That can take her mind off... _Yumeno_. 

She has nothing else to do besides training with Hoshi anyways…

“Well, why should I do that, what even can you help me with? You can’t help me trust others here more, you can't give me my meds, or a surgery. I _doubt_ you’d even want to be my _friend_ at all.”

Now, the degenerate had the _nerve_ , the _audacity_ to _decline_ her offer?

He must not be in his best state of mind. 

The detective is, usually… _Way_ more collected than that. 

Maybe he’s eaten a fermented berry?

Now that Tenko looked at him better, he looks like he has... cried a lot recently as well.

This was now a question of _honor_ . She _will_ help him, whether he wants or _not_.

“Saihara-san… Don’t test me. _Ten-_ I can’t do most of these things but I can help you with other things, like building muscle, and that might help you feel less scared around others and more confident with yourself.” Since he’d be able to fight back... “Well, you’d never get as strong as _Tenko_ but the other degenerates here aren’t the bulkiest around. But s _h-_ I can’t help you do that when you’re restraining your breath. You shouldn’t wear that sarashi when you sleep either!”

“Why?”

“It would be way too _painful_! It might damage your body!”

“Like it matters anyway, we die after two weeks after all. Being reborn and aging _everytime_ is already torturing enough! Why would you care if a degenerate like me is in pain? Shouldn’t you _enjoy_ that?”

“You know nothing about Tenko at all! While _teen_ Tenko might have been like that, _adult_ Tenko recognizes that degenerates are _humans_.”

“An admirable growth. But, it doesn’t justify saying _degenerate_ all the time. Or throwing me earlier.”

Ugh. Why can’t the degenerate just _accept_ her help?

She will need a _lot_ of patience to deal with him. 

Good thing Tenko has taught to plenty of kids that were really energetic before. 

So she has lots of that.

But… He’s an _adult_. 

And Tenko has way _less_ patience dealing with them.

“At least she _improved_ . You seem to have _stopped_ long ago! Were you always _annoying_ like this?”

The detective laughed a bit. That honestly _creeped_ Tenko.

“Have you heard of the tale of Jekyll and Hyde?”

“No?”

“It’s a book a certain _psychiatrist_ of mine liked a lot.” What was a psychiatrist again? “It’s about a medic that created a serum that made him split into two versions of himself. The good medic he always was, and the evil person he always hid. One of the theories is the serum only really changed his appearance, and his evil self was always like that, he only was able to act on it when he didn’t have to take responsibility for that.”

“And?”

“I end up… having this _bothersome_ of a personality whenever I drink.” So he _was_ drunk. Expected for a degenerate. But… How? The places that had drinks were all closed off. “My worst, hidden thoughts come out. This is my true self. My normal personality might as well be an act. An mere mask I create, to be pleasant to others, and avoid conflict...”

 _If_ that’s true… Then he isn’t the _worst_ as far as degenerates _can_ go huh?

But he still is a _pain_ to deal with. Just like any degenerate.

Ugh. Why are degenerates so obsessed with drinking? It brings the worst in them all. 

How bothersome.  
  


“You think? Then why the _hell_ do you drink? I don’t know a thing about Jekyll or whatever, but in Prismatic Paradise, Mirei had a fake persona of her own made to appeal to others, be more pleasant and popular.” She was a great character, that Tenko looked up to. “But… Eventually, both of her personalities ended up mixing. Both of them were her. Even if you say it’s fake or an act… Some of it _is_ real. If you care enough to remain nice and know _why_ you need to be, then deep down you already are not _that_ bad.” At least, as far as a degenerate can go. Degenerates _only_ think about self gain anyway. “Even if you’re being a _pain_ right now.”

“Prismatic Paradise? That’s for _babies_!”

Oh no. He… _Didn't_!

“So what! It’s a _good_ cartoon!”

The best cartoon ever! It has helped Tenko a lot!

“I like _deeper_ things…”

Prismatic Paradise _was_ deep!

“You think cartoons can’t be deep?”

“Well, the ones made to sell toys are a mass produced product. They have no value.”

“They are made to teach morals to kids! Of course they have value!”

“Right. I don’t think it will end well if we proceed in this conversation, so to answer your previous question, I drink to forget my past, to stop thinking. But there are no drinks around here at all so I can’t drink often.”

To… Forget? It doesn’t really seem to work huh? If he’s talking like this...

“How do you even drink? It doesn’t seem to be helping you at all you know?”

“I have to make my own alcohol, and that takes far too long to make and tastes awful... And I can’t really get _wasted_ on them so I can’t _forget_ anything at all… But… It’s enough to lose enough impulse to be able to take a bath...”

Well… He seems to be _terrified_ of entering the men’s bath… Tenko doesn’t really understand _why_ but… Well. She doesn’t _need_ to, if he feels _that_ bad... Then he needs help.

And Tenko might at least do something other than _risk her life_ to feel at least a bit useful…

And she might even kick some degenerate butt if they deserve that so it won’t be that bad!

“Hey...Tenko can help ensure no degenerate will bother you at the baths. Guard the door or something. Kick the other degenerates away.”

“You… Can?”  
“Yeah. Not like it will change much. But let’s keep it secret, Te- I don't want anyone discovering I’m helping yet _another_ degenerate.”

“...Alright. Thanks.”

And with that, their secret meet ups started.

Saihara proved that day to be everything she expects from a degenerate. 

A self centered person that is always acting with some ulterior motive, that gives up easily, and resorts to drinking to indulge themselves in their selfishness. 

But somehow… She feels that that display was the most honest anyone has _ever_ been with her ever since somewhere around when they defeated the creature of wrath. 

And Tenko… Prefers when others are honest with her, even if it _hurts_ sometimes.

Ever since that day, she started going to help him at the dawns - _secretly_ of course. Not always Saihara was under the effect of a substance and he didn’t need to keep an act around her at these times anymore, and sober Saihara was actually way more pleasant to be near to, and he apologized on how he acted and asked for her to train him so he’d get stronger. 

So, their gatherings started even earlier, ending right before Saihara took his bath.

They decided to meet in the one secluded, _dreadful_ place in the garage island _nobody_ went to: The _school_. 

Neither Tenko or Saihara really liked going to it but they wouldn’t risk being found out.

Actually… Did Saihara have any problems with school? He seems so _smart_...

“Hey... Saihara-san… I was wondering... Why do you dislike school so much?”

“I had way too many expectations from society before. All of them were crushed when I got to college.”

“Yeah. Sometimes you just have no chance. And have to move on. You have to find things that work out for you and then focus on that.” 

“I doubt you’d understand me. My whole life I was told I was _gifted_ ! I was going to be great! Then I got to college. And I realized. I wasn’t special. I wasn’t the genius others told me my whole life. I just was _lucky_. I got to live in society thanks to my uncle’s agency… If I didn’t have that… I probably wouldn’t have gone anywhere at all.”

She really won’t _ever_ be able to understand that.

“Yeah, yeah. I’d _never_ understand you. You are the _opposite_ of me. I was told I was a _failure_ my whole life. Hated by my family. Expelled from school. Got sent to a temple. And I became a teacher there. Not _big_ but not as much of a failure as they expected of me… You really are like _him_ huh… a _lucky_ one as well."

" _Him_? What are you talking about?"

Ugh. She doesn’t even want to remember but this whole… _Gifted_ thing… Brings back these memories so much.

"Tenko had a” Ugh, just saying that word _hurts_ . ” _brother…_ when she was a kid. Everyone loved him! Everyone trusted him. But with Tenko it was not like that. If he messed up, he'd put the blame on her and everyone would believe that. He was a genius kid! _Gifted_ ! He wouldn't do these kinds! He skipped some grades. And Tenko… failed a grade. She wasn't a good kid. She _would_ do these things. Even if she _didn’t_.”

"Hey… I'm not him you know? I… _Failed_ as well, only _later_ than you. If you ask me, you were way more successful than _me_ because you got... _Somewhere_ . And on your _own_!"

That might be true in parts but it is still _very_ different.

“Do you _really_ know how hard it was to struggle with _not_ being able to understand things? How hard is it to try your best and fail, again and _again_ ? To not be able to keep up with _anyone_ around you, because you don’t understand math or science?”

“You… Are right. I may _not_ exactly understand what you went through on that aspect… But... That intelligence was... A _curse_ .” A… _curse_ ? _Where_? “It only made me unable to connect to my peers and prone to be manipulated by older, smarter, people. It might be better not knowing some things. We all reach an age where that intelligence curve won’t really matter anymore.”

“What do you mean it doesn’t matter! It does! Why do you think people think I’m lesser?”

“Say, did you need to use any complex math concepts to live back there? Or well, even to survive here?”

Counting is not exactly _complex_ right? But… It still is _hard_...

“... Not really.”  
“Then you realize that some of these things were not _that_ essential. What really matters is communicating properly.”

Tenko... can’t do that as well can she? 

If she could she’d have more _friends_...

“Tenko still wishes she could _understand_ these things! Do you know how hard it is to communicate with others when you have _no_ idea what they are saying?”

“Oh. There’s something I can help you with, then!” 

“What do you mean?”

“You’ve been teaching me many things, I can do the same as well! We are at a school after all, there are some books around here! And the best part! No tests!”

She doesn’t exactly want to have a degenerate as a teacher but… She doesn’t have any better. So she’ll take it.

“You think you can help me understand the people around here any better?”

“That I _can’t_ promise. I can only teach you some concepts. With them… Maybe you’ll feel smarter? Not that you aren’t, you might be more intelligent than me when it comes to some subjects...”

These degenerates and their fake flattering… 

Saihara was a genius, no way Tenko would ever be smarter than him in _some_ subject.

Their first class was about magic. 

Explaining how everything Yumeno did worked and all.

Or Tricks, like Saihara insisted they were.

But… Tenko doesn’t think being able to explain something makes it feel less special or lose it’s magic, like Saihara expected.

"These are tricks! Not real magic!"

"So? Why does it matter? How are they any less magical? Isn't this proof of how intelligent she is? To create all these mechanisms with our limited resources? Doesn't that make that even _more_ magical?"

"Actually… you may be right. And she always knows the best escape route…"

"See? She is _super_ smart. She _isn't_ trying to trick or deceive _anyone_ with this. Only to do her best and make others _smile_. Isn’t that great?"

"You’re… Right. Is that why you like her so much?"

"Yeah! She is so much like Liko from Prepure! Always working hard! She has a really rich heart!"

"I'm glad you see this but… She… doesn't really look comfortable near you at all."

"Huh? Why do you think so? She always puts on these shows for me and only for me!"

"The way she acts near you… it's like she's always terrified. Trembling so much..."

Does she? How did Tenko never _realize_ that?

Is… Yumeno actually the reason she can’t get close to the other girls?

It... Can’t be, right?

Their next day's classes were interrupted by Tenko asking Saihara why he was triple checking everything he did, since double checking is usually good enough.

"Oh. That? I have ADHD. I only discovered this recently..."

 _ADHD_? What is that?

"What does that mean? It sounds bad."

"Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder."

Oh… From what she knows Tenko also has that. 

That was why she disliked standing still right? 

And had troubles sitting. 

And had so much energy… 

  
  


That’s pretty much _all_ she knew about it _actually_.

  
  


And Saihara seemed like... the _opposite_ of that.

"Oh. Tenko… heard about that a long time ago. Guess she had it."

"Well. If you _had…_ you still _have_. It isn't something you really change."

Is it? Tenko got way _calmer_ with time, right?

"Hey… what is this ADHD about? You don't really… look _hyperactive_ , you know?"

"Well, there are _many_ ways it can manifest… I’m mostly _inattentive_. And… sorry for being that harsh on you sometimes, you… Are neurodivergent just like me.”

Was he… _pitying_ her?

“Tenko has no idea what you’re talking about, degenerate, but she does not want _pity_.”

“It’s not like that! Let’s just say we’re _brain buddies_! The way we experience the world is very alike.”

“It is?”

Saihara explained about ADHD with more details and it honestly… 

_So much…_

Made sense. 

Many of her struggles… 

Sensorial issues... 

Many of the things she thought she was just being _lazy…_ Or not trying hard enough...

Tenko couldn’t help but keep on asking questions about this subject.

“Yeah! We might miss some social cues and all! So that _might_ have been your problem with the girls here…” Of course, that’s why she didn’t see Yumeno trembling! “That’s a big reason why we have some problems socializing at times… Maybe you could try masking, like I do!”

“Masking?”

“Yeah! Like, trying to act in ways others would like us more, trying to mimic them… So we have less trouble fitting in! Putting in a character”

Acting? Mimicking? 

But… That wouldn’t be _Tenko_ , would it? If others liked a _character_ she put on… 

Would they really like _her_ ? Or her _act_?

"Saihara-san. If I acted to be someone I'm not, just to please others… They liking me wouldn't mean anything. Because they wouldn't like me. They would like a _fake_ version of me.” And that would hurt even more. “A version I would always feel pressured to act on, wanting to be perfect. But I'm not perfect. I won't ever be. And that would put a bigger wall between me and the others. A wall that would make me collapse.” Because that wall is already huge as it is… Tenko can’t even stand it now. “The only thing I can be is honest. To others and to myself. If people know the real me, with all my imperfections… and even _then_ like me… they’d _truly_ like me."

" _Ouch…_ Yeah, you’re right. Nobody here likes the _real_ me, huh? But... I think Hoshi-san and Tojo-san like you. In their own way."

"I'm… not really sure on that… I think they would be more honest to me if they truly liked me. Tojo-san in particular… Seems even worse…” Tenko feels uneasy next to her. “She makes me question myself at times, because she keeps asking me to do things like cleaning, then doing them herself anyway, after I did them...”

“Why? She is always so nice… Did you try talking to her about it?”

Tenko nodded.

“And she keeps denying! Every single time! But I’m sure I _didn’t_ do some of these things, and she keeps saying that I _did_! I know my memory sucks but it isn’t that bad! Is… it?”

“I trust you. That sounds like _gaslighting…_ ”

“What is that?”

“I am not sure she is doing this on _purpose_ but… the end effect is the _same_ . It is a form of _manipulation_ in which the victim starts to question their own sanity through little, consistent changes...”

“... What do I do?”

“Let’s… avoid her for now. What makes she do this?”

“Usually… Whenever I try to approach Harukawa-san or Yumeno-san…”

“... Let’s test that out ok?”

“Then… what would I do?”

“I have a plan."

Turns out, being brain buddies meant it was really easy to talk to Saihara without a worry.

She could say anything she wanted, like ‘have you ever seen Shinguuji-san eating?’ and Saihara would take everything seriously and spend three days analyzing it. 

After a while observing him and telling their observations when they met up, they came to the conclusion that Shinguuji is a _wizard_ because the food seems to dematerialize out of thin air near his mask. 

They weren't able to prove Tojo sleeps as well. 

These knowledges made Saihara think the probability of them being in a purgatory _less_ improbable, but he still didn’t _really_ believe it. He thought it was more likely they were in a game.

As for Tenko, it didn’t really matter that much. 

Were it purgatory or not, the place was worse than anything she could think of. 

Having these times with Saihara was… 

Weirdly fun. 

She wasn't allowed to have much fun back in her first home. 

Especially around these near her age. She felt there was usually an invisible wall near these people. But for Saihara… There didn't seem to be one. 

And Saihara had that wall for everyone _but_ her.

At the school while she trained Saihara, he also ended up teaching her about many more subjects. The best part was, ever since he understood her better, whenever she didn't understand a thing of what he said, he usually tried to explain it with a different method, until she understood, and she felt really grateful for that. 

He was a way better teacher than most teachers at her old school were. 

Not bad for a _degenerate_. He also was very good at making tea.

The good thing was, speaking to others really became _easier_ when she learned what some things meant. 

No more having to pretend to know what a _thespian_ is! 

Why does _everyone_ ask if she's one? 

And they say they’ll accept her if she is, are _actors_ that badly seen in society? 

Actually, people seem to think she’s joking or being funny when she is being serious. She still doesn’t understand why. 

Do they think she’s _acting_ , like Saihara is?

Little by little, Tenko started using her afternoons to sleep a bit earlier after her afternoon training since usually nobody needed her or _wanted_ her help.

Staying up at dawn alongside Saihara ended up being the part of the day she looked the most forward to. 

Then she'd wake Hoshi for his aikido lessons, have her breakfast and help others gather things in the ruins whenever they needed.

She usually died a lot in the process. 

She still can't be seen with a degenerate if she's not training them. 

Much less let others think they are _friends_.

Somehow she keeps thinking on how it was back when she first started living in the temple.

She had some trouble focusing on meditations sometimes, but eventually managed to get better at it in order to master martial arts. 

Back then, she didn’t miss school that much. She couldn’t understand many things everyone else could understand, teachers never seemed to bother explaining stuff to her, and she was always left out. 

_After all, Tenko is noisy, clingy, annoying, boring, impulsive,_ she always heard so during her life... And not even a temple could _fix_ her so her family wanted her back. Most kids returned after a few months in the temple. 

In school, she desperately tried to please other people. She always tried to help other people. She tried so hard to befriend the others, but even when Tenko tried to be nice, she couldn’t actually reach them somehow. She could feel they were holding back. What is weird to her is that she actually could connect and understand others pretty well when she _fought_ them. 

That still applies to today. When she spars with someone or throws someone to the ground, she can analyze how they feel way better and know better what to say or do.

It was something that always came really naturally to her.

She wishes it was as easy to connect to people without needing to spar.

Most monks said that aggressiveness was _bad_ but her master allowed Tenko to be more aggressive than other aikido practitioners, since pure aikido by itself wasn’t _enough_ for Tenko. They mashed it with other martial arts and created neo aikido.

Tenko… Really doesn’t know how to _not_ be aggressive. It comes impulsively to her. Sometimes even now. And she tries really hard to control these impulses.

Before the temple, she failed pretty often to do so. 

But at least on it, she barely interacted with people her age, unlike back at school. And the monks were honest, even if cryptical. So she didn’t have that weird invisible barrier in there. 

The children that were sent to the temple often needed to stay here a short time and then their parents would take them back, or there were some people of the orphanage the temple helped sometimes, but interacting with them was really rare. 

There were a few kids that were adopted by the temple, but these were either way younger or way older than her. 

As she got older, she started being chosen to help give self-defense classes, and she learned she liked teaching a lot.

Besides her students, mostly children, most of her interactions were with the monks that were way older than her and took care of her, in particular, her Master. And, as he aged, she eventually started having to take care of him. She never saw it as a sacrifice, despite everyone telling her it was one. She liked helping him.

The other monks always took their time to talk and explain to her about all things she asked, which were mostly doubts about life itself, and treated her as someone capable and, as an equal, someone they could learn from, and most importantly, they _believed_ in her. But it was never in the _same_ way as her master did. He tried to change his teaching ways to _adapt_ to her… And that meant the _world_ for Tenko. 

And was _always_ the teaching method she adopted. Looking at each student _individually_ , and planning what would be the most interesting, _fun_ and fitting way for them to learn to defend themselves.

But… 

She wasn’t in the temple anymore.

In the place she was… Nobody batted an eye in her increasingly less present presence.

That meant… She wouldn’t be missed at all...

“Saihara… Do you think anyone here likes me? Everyone is just… Ignoring me except you in our training sessions…”

"Don’t I count as someone? I like you! And not only because you helped me. You are a great person!” Saihara fiddled with his hands. “Ah! I… Didn't mean it romantically, I swear! I meant. As a friend! I can't really trust anyone else here but you! I can't be myself near them..."

Well. Tenko can believe that at least.

The Saihara that is by her side right now is a _different_ person than the one that is usually near the group.

Well. If she thinks about it. Maybe she _likes_ him as well. 

They help each other with no ulterior motives involved. 

He always explains everything she asks. And tries to adapt his teaching methods to ensure she learns well. Something only… her master did…

She likes being near him, and he really sounds like he isn't lying. 

After all, he looks really flustered… 

The _other_ Saihara would never show this much emotion. 

It's a bit hard for Tenko to admit but… He's… Her _friend_. 

Probably the first one on this island. And the only one so far.

And… Even if he's a man… And alcoholic...

She isn't _sure_ he is a degenerate anymore.

"I like the Saihara-san that is next to me right now more than the one you put on for the others to see. Not to offend but that Saihara feels fake. The Saihara-san by my side...” The contrast of these two was really jarring at times. “This one is the real Saihara-san! And if others can't like you for who you are… That's their problem! You don't owe them a single thing!"

"Oh. I see… that makes sense. Thank you Chabashira-san. For liking the real me."

"When you are alright with showing the real you to them… I don't think I would feel right keeping our friendship hidden as well… You might be a male but… I don't feel you have ulterior motives to be close to me.” And, it’s hard to say it but... “And you're pretty _decent_ for a man… It even makes me wonder if you're _truly_ a degenerate sometimes, even if you’re an alcoholic..."

"I see. I... Think this day will take a while to arrive. But… Thank you for seeing me as your friend."

Why was Saihara’s face red? Did he have a fever? Or was he drunk again? Tenko didn't really understand.

That morning, after weeks of not turning on at all, the TV finally showed that vignette.

_“Rise and shine ursine! Welcome to extend TV!”_

_“Hey kids! A new island will arrive really soon! In two or three days probably!”_

_"And it was deemed a_ biohazard _so you might want to use some masks."_

_“THERE-WILL-BE-SOME-MASKS-NEAR-THE-ENTRANCE”_

_“We can’t promise all of them will block_ all _hazards however! It’s all on you who gets what!”_

 _"Worry not,_ most _places should be on levels that even going without masks won’t damage you.”_

_“Unless you fuckers decide to live there or something, a long time exposure will still be dangerous!"_

_“But that won’t matter since they can get new shigabanes with it!”_

_“ALL-YOU-NEED-TO-ENSURE-IS-SOMEONE-RETURNS-SAFELY!”_

_“Moving back to the island. The fungi that grew up there are truly miraculous! Some make the place safer for humans to wander, but some of them are_ really _smelly!"_

_"Yeah! The next ruin stinks! So much it is bubbled up! It has-"_

_“A-HUGE-BARRIER”_

_"And… to open up the barrier you will need a clione!"_

Clione? What… Is that?

_"Cliones are sea slugs that look specially cute when they eat, also known as sea angels-"_

_“Hey! We_ aren’t _referring to these cute sea slugs!”_

 _“Yeah! These slugs are even_ cuter _when they eat, but the clione we’re talking about are these tentacle parasitoids you find in the creatures!”_

_“What is the difference between a parasite and a parasitoid you may ask? Well, parasitoids always kill their hosts when they emerge!”_

_“But don’t worry, suckers, since you freaks aren’t regular humans, these are practically mere parasites! They aren’t able to control your brain, and they won’t be able to emerge in their usual forms!”_

They… Can _control_ a brain? 

_“They will probably_ only _amplify your emotions, which can be really useful depending on who uses them, and give you different powers!”_

_"Yeah. They seem to have this weird synergy with you freak’s minds! These fuckers won’t try to overtake you but will try to merge with you if you allow them to!”_

_“We still don’t really understand how this works, so if you're self destructive, they will be as well and will help you destroy yourself!”_ That tiger striped bear commented. _“The x-key has functions that will help that from happening but we still recommend only these with clear minds to use them!"_

 _"Good luck with that however! I don’t think_ any _of you fuckers have that!"_

_“But, cliones aren’t all bad! Some say they are therapeutic! And they can help you a lot in this journey, since the powers they can give you are amazing.”_

_Powers_?

Maybe… Tenko can be of some use to the group with them? Even if she can’t kill… Maybe these powers would make she feel less useless in the ruins…

But… Maybe they wouldn’t trust her with these powers. 

Or others will want to have them for themselves instead...

_“The creature of wrath dropped a few of them you can safely use! So be sure to implant them on one of you!"_

_“YOU-CAN-USE-THE-NEW-FUNCTION-WE-ADDED-TO-THE-EXTEND-MACHINE-FOR-THAT!”_

_"Oh yeah, cliones only work when you're in your adult and middle aged forms, and if you use them too much they’ll try to merge with your body really quickly!”_

_“A little rest will help you avoid that from happening! As keeping your mind healthy will! You might get killed by your x-key stopping them from merging with you!"_

_"Shigabanes would only make you control them better but can’t change this at all! But don’t worry, you can always extend!"_

_“That’s why we are giving you fuckers these few days to test them out, so you don’t arrive at the next ruin without knowing how to use them!”_

_“WE-ARE-SO-KIND.”_

_“Yeah, these sinners should be grateful!”_

_“Remember kids”_

_“ILLUMINATE”_

_“A brighter future!”_

_“For humanity!”_

_“So long! Bear Well!”_

And… The tv turned off.

“I am _not_ going to put a parasite on me.” Harukawa quickly commented.

“Nyeh, these disgusting things, seem way too dangerous and fishy! I vote for destroying them!” Yumeno trembled.

“While destroying them might be risky… These are clearly, still parasitoids!” Saihara objected “They can’t be serious on that”

“From what they implied, in their original forms, they are able to control humans like puppets…” Tojo mused. “Who are we to know if putting them is actually safe?”

Oh. So no one wants them.

And the group _needs_ someone to do so.

Then that’s something only she can do, right? 

And with no objections.

“Te- I’m going to do it!”

As long as she has her bell. She fears no parasites. Or parasitoids. 

There is a monster that scares her way more than these things.

One _far_ more scary than any clione could ever be.

The very monster that made her be sent to the temple.

Her master… said that that monster would never disappear. 

It was a part of her. And it was not _bad_ that they existed. 

She needed to control them. So he created a powerful seal in that bell. 

A seal that would soothe and let the monster sleep peacefully.

If it can seal that monster, then it might seal these parasites as well. 

She doesn’t fear them. As long as she has that bell, things will be alright.

Nobody else stepped in. Tojo fetched the glass they put the clione in and when she returned with them, Saihara started the extend machine.

"It seems the first clione lets you have… _healing…_ Huh... It heals poison, bruises, allergies… _paralysis_ ? How would that _even_ work?"

Oh. So it is a clione that helps them remain alive. That might make Tenko more useful, without needing to risk herself, right? She wants to have this one.

“Next one you can choose seems to _electrify_... stuff? How would that even work? Without harming yourself…” Saihara was pondering. “Maybe it is not a potent voltage, hm… But it seems to be something more likely for us to need to use to open the barrier they told us about..."

“Maybe we won’t need to use them then! I can try to power up with my robot-hand!” Idabashi suggested. “It has a small voltage of its own!”

“But… What if it doesn’t work? We need a backup plan…” Saihara quipped “Chabashira-san, you _sure_ you want to try one of these?”

She was certain of it.

“Yes!” 

“Which one?” Saihara asked.

She wanted the healing one but they would probably need that second right? So… Maybe she can try the two of them…

“Both!”

“Nyeh? You’re seriously putting _two_ of these disgusting things in yourself?” Yumeno reacted.

Tenko… Doesn’t understand why that would be a problem.

“Can you even put two of them in at the same time?” Hoshi questioned.

“Seems so… There are slots for two, if they serve different functions… Support and… Attack? Why does this sound more like a game thing?” Saihara tried to make some sense of it. “This can’t work out right? There’s even this… Compound effect?”

Compound effect? What is that?

“Hey... What does this effect do?”

“Something about regeneration? It doesn’t detail what it does here… Except that the cliones will have a passive effect on you as well... I’m not sure what this means...”

_Regeneration_? 

Doesn’t sound _bad_. Tenko will do it.

“Alright, Te- I want to test both! Don’t try to stop me-” Oh yeah… She has to pretend she isn’t familiar with Saihara... “ _degenerate_ male!”

With no further objection, Tenko entered the extend machine to go through the implantation process.

Her arms hurt a bit but… They healed really fast. Maybe the regeneration was already working? 

Actually… Where _were_ these tentacles? She can feel them but can’t see them at all.

“Did it work?”

“I have no idea… Try bringing them out?” Saihara suggested.

“How?”

“What about you picture them being set free?” Idabashi wondered.

“You think that would work out?” Saihara seemed unconvinced. 

But… She tried picturing them being set free. 

And her arms ached a _lot_. 

So her body could _still_ feel pain, huh?

When she looked at them, one of her arms had this blue, rubberish look to it. The other one was a purple, with a flower-like appendage that dropped some sort of liquid. She guesses that’s the healing one. After they fully emerged, the pain stopped.

"How does it feel?" Saihara asked.

"As if my body was hit by a truck and then turned into jelly. I'm not sure my bones are alright."

"Is it any worse than aging?" Tojo’s question had a clear answer to it.

"Oh. Very much. I think it might be worse than any death I experienced so far as well."

But she’s already used to not expressing her pain at this point so no big deal.

The others winced…

"So… Can you stretch it?" Idabashi’s eyes had this glint on them, probably because he doesn’t go through the aging process at all. _Lucky_.

Tenko pictured it stretching, but the tentacles didn’t budge.

"... Nope."

"Can you change how it looks?" Idabashi was still very curious about the clione appendages… Tenko had no idea why. Everyone else seemed a bit uncomfortable with them, especially after seeing them so much at the creatures.

But, Tenko tried picturing them with different forms, maybe if they looked less like _monster_ parts, they wouldn’t scare the others much.

But… Nothing about the appearance changed.

“Doesn't seem to work."

"Then… How does using the power work?" The cyborg was extremely curious.

Tenko moved the purple arm.

"This one should be… Healing right? Anyone want to try it?"

"Nyeh, no!"

"I'm fine." Harukawa replied.

"Alright. Maybe we can try the electricity one instead?" Saihara suggested.

“How do we do that?”

"Maybe we can try to use it to power up something around here?" Tojo quered.

They tried. But it ended up being useless. Sure. She could light up a lamp. 

For some seconds before it short circuited. 

On a refrigerator, she only could power it for a few minutes before she felt exhausted. As if her arm was trying to overtake her. 

They stopped for the day. 

Controlling electricity was tiring, and she could feel as if that clione wanted more than merely lighting things up. 

Tenko… Is scared of hearing it’s true wishes. 

But… At least… She feels less alone somehow. It’s as if they resonate with her feelings.

Since she was getting tired, she went to sleep a bit earlier that day. 

Then woke up for her usual meeting with Saihara.

"Hey… How are you feeling for now? With the clione and all?”

"My emotions seem to be… a bit more intense? And my head hurts a lot. But… I feel a bit better..."

Because she can feel less alone.

"I wonder… If I should put one on me…"

"Tenko doesn't think that's a good idea…"

"Why?"

"The Monokubs said that clione intensify your thoughts right? And react to them… Saihara-san… You still… have some _troubling_ thoughts right? They might self destruct you…"

"But… Who would even care? I have a chance of getting better."

"Tenko would care! You are her student right? And her teacher as well! Please wait until… you are in a better mental space.."

This day, even if they were still trying to power things up, Yumeno didn’t show up to see the tests at all.

And the same happened the following day. And the next. Not to mention, this time Yumeno didn’t try to show her her magic at all. 

And after talking with Saihara, Tenko decided to ask Yumeno directly.

"Yumeno-san… I can only understand what others tell me. But I know when something is wrong. Why… Do you and Harukawa-san avoid me here? Am I making you uncomfortable? I promise I can try to change!"

"Nyeh? There is _no_ problem!"

"Then… Why do you keep avoiding me for baths and stuff?"

"It's a... _privacy_ thing! Nothing wrong with that!"

"Then… why do I feel like you two are drifting away from me?"

"Nyeh? We... _aren't_?"

"You two only let me go near you when we are in ruins! You haven't even shown your magic to me ever since… Wait… Is it the cliones?"

" _Nyeh_ , uh… It is a dangerous parasite that can take over your mind… it makes it even _harder_ to trust you…"

Even _harder_ ? So she doesn't trust her even _without_ the cliones? 

And the Cliones... are a part of her now.

"But… Have I ever been overtaken by them? Why… don't you trust me?"

"Nyeh… I'm… really _weak_ . You… could _crush_ me easily…"

For some reason, she was shaking a lot. Was… this what Saihara meant when he said that she looked really uncomfortable near her? 

He said that she always looked extremely anxious... 

And trembling was one of these signs. Chabashira wasn't good at reading these at all, added with it that she completely missed them sometimes. 

If it were before… Chabashira would have thought she was feeling cold.

Why… would Yumeno ever think Tenko would _crush_ her?

Why does… Yumeno thinks Tenko would _only_ protect her in the ruins?

She would protect her _anywhere_!

"I would never! But I… got it. You don't want me near you unless we are in ruins right? Then… bye."

At least… She still got the ruins… Right?

That day, she couldn’t sleep at all. At least she could talk to Saihara… And explain how things went.

"I think I lost my chance… With being their friends.."

"Well. I don't think you lost your chance. It's more like… you never had one…"

" _Thanks_ Saihara-san, this helps a _lot…_ "

She at least knows when to be sarcastic better now.

"Sorry… But… I think you should stop trying. You seem _desperate_ at times and that might scare them… Maybe giving up might make them come up to you?"

"You… aren't the first person to say something like it. Then... What do I do now? Like at ruins and such"

"You can… Try to get closer to my team. I'll ask to get in your team in the ruin that might show up today, say it's more _strategic_. Say it’s about the clione."

"Won't they get suspicious?"

"Well, they might if you accept _easily_. Try to remain in their team and I'll convince the others why it's a bad idea. It will work out. Unfortunately… They trust my decisions more than yours..."

The day arrived, alongside a new _ginormous_ ruin, and _sleep deprived_ Tenko couldn’t care _less_ about that. 

They arrived at the place, and with it, in a door with an electronic lock. 

Before they entered it, they saw a selection of masks. in a basket

Tenko didn’t care about those but it looks like a small fight broke out about who’d keep the safest masks.

There were only two that protected against all hazards, two that offered a decent protection, two that were slightly better than a pure cotton mask. And… Two cotton masks exactly like Shinguuji’s.

Everyone agreed Idabashi deserved to get one of the safest ones, as he was a teen, and nobody wanted him to get harmed. And Shinguuji just strapped another cotton mask on top of his usual one.

But… Looks like everyone wanted to keep the remaining one that protected against all hazards… Except Tenko. She didn’t really care.

"I think… the fairest solution would be sorting these masks out." Tojo suggested.

Tenko was sorted to have the one everyone wished for.

Which could be neat but… This mask… Feels more like a _muzzle_. It restrains her vision, feels a bit heavy... 

Tenko _hates_ it. She feels like a dog but not in a nice way. 

But… at least it does make things _not_ smell.

Yumeno was sorted with the remaining cotton mask. And she didn’t like it at all.

"Nyeh… I am _not_ going there."

"We don't really have a choice. If you don't go by free will it will have to be by force." Harukawa warned.

"This place stinks! And the mask I got barely helps!" Yumeno complained again.

Hey… Maybe… She can make something that will make Yumeno trust her more right?

"Do you want my mask?"

"Nyeh? Can I?”

“Go ahead.”

They traded masks.

"Nyeh, This mask is way too uncomfortable!"

Yeah… It _is_.

"Do you prefer it or the smell?" Harukawa’s question… Didn’t feel like one.

"…I'm keeping the mask."

The group focused on the next problem on hand, an electronic lock that was on their way to the ruin.

Idabashi's robotic arm wasn't able to do a thing to power the system up, so it was up to Tenko’s clione.

When they opened the door, the smell that came out of it was unbearable.

Tenko could barely think at first, but as they walked, she got more used to it.

And then, they arrived on a bifurcation. They were sorting teams or something. One would go to a huge factory, and another one to the mushroom forest that seemed endless.

And Saihara started their plan.

"Saihara-kun… Why are you insisting on being on her team?” Idabashi implored. ”She hates you! Just stay with us like always!"

"Even if she hates me... Her clione can be truly useful, you know? I want to explore the factory! What if there's another barrier there?” He explained. “Or a computer that we might access? I… will _need_ to be with her for this. Only _she_ can do these things"

"Yeah. That does make sense… Should I and Shinguuji stay on your team as well?" The cyborg replied.

Now Tenko needed to keep up with their plan, right?

"I don't want to be on a team full of _degenerates_!"

"Kekeh, as expected.” That anthropologist’s laugh always creeped Tenko up... “Are there any volunteers to the factory exploration team?"

"I'll stay in Chabashira's team. No matter what it is." Hoshi, huh? Why is he doing this? He… Isn't he better off being near Tojo's team?

"Fine. That's me, her, Hoshi-kun… We need one more.” Saihara counted with his hands. “Anyone else want to go with us? Someone that isn't a … degenerate preferably, so we can work better?"

There was a brief silence...

She was already _sure Harukawa_ hated her but…

Not even giving her her mask… 

Is enough to make Yumeno want to be on Tenko's team… 

She… didn't even _thank_ her right? Maybe she really hates Tenko, like Saihara theorized…

"I shall be your last member." Tenko heard Tojo’s elegant voice reply.

Tojo… Did she choose to go to this team because of Tenko, because of Hoshi or… Because she had _no_ choice?

"Then… The other team is… Harukawa-san, Iidabashi-kun, Shinguuji-kun and Yumeno-san… Your mission will be to map out the forest. Our team will try to search for any tips in the factory… If any emergency happens, we’ll meet at the entrance."

And with that, they parted ways.

Tenko was honestly too tired to pay attention to whatever they were doing in the factory. The others took care of the creatures and she kept having to use her clione to open locked doors. 

Her mind becoming fuzzier and fuzzier each time she used it. 

Eventually, they reached a point she felt she wouldn’t be able to proceed. 

The clione almost had voices of their own and Tenko could feel they wanted to be let out. 

“Are you dizzy? This… might be a clione side effect. Try… to not use them anymore ok? The cartoon bears said… It could get dangerous.”

So, they returned to the entrance. And waited for others to return. Tenko rested a bit, but even if she was less dizzy… She could still feel the clione’s presence...

When the other team arrived, Yumeno was puking a lot.

“What happened?” Tojo questioned.

“We tried seeing if these mushrooms none of us knew about were edible…” Shinguuji explained. “We… turned out fine but she… wasn’t that lucky.”

Of course a _degenerate_ would suggest that!

“Did Idabashi-kun have any?” Tojo had a stern look in her eyes.

“No, we wouldn't let him go through that risk.” Harukawa calmed the maid “He was our back up plan in case all of us died there.”

Yumeno still looked really bad… 

Did… No one _care_ about that?

"You want me to use my clione to heal you, Yumeno-san?"

"Nyeh, Put that _gross_ thing away from me!"

Gross? The clione wasn’t out _yet…_ Was… Yumeno referring... to _Tenko_? It… Can’t be, right?

"But… You're going to _die…_ just… let me _save_ you!"

"Nyeh, I'd rather die that over having that awful _thing_ touch me!"

Wait… 

She... prefers to _die…_

Than to have Tenko near her…

That… Isn’t a _simple_ problem right? A mere _annoyance_?

Is it… Hate?

Loathing? 

She has no idea.

What Tenko can see is… _disgust_.

_Hahahah_

She tried so hard… To protect her… and be her _friend_...

All her efforts… Were in vain weren’t they?

...

This… pain…

In her chest… 

In her head…

In her… _arms_.

She can feel… her right arm hurting. So, so _much_ more than normal.

Even _more_ than the pain she usually feels when she tries to make a clione appear.

It’s as if… It wants to burst.

Or… has it already bursted? She has no idea. 

She.. can’t feel anything _anymore_.

Her vision is hazy.

Hey… 

She _will_ be able to fulfill this second wish right?

Yumeno _was_ going to die. She asked for it. 

She preferred it than being healed, right?

The electricity… 

Can take her down in a _blink_.

Yumeno would suffer _less,_ even. 

Dying quickly than having a slow and painful death.

“Are you sure of that Yumeno-san? Tenko… can fulfill this wish too… Tenko… can do… _anything_ you want...”

“Nyeh? Go away! Now they look even _worse_! You’re nasty!”

Yumeno… was trembling.

Wait…

What was she even thinking of doing?

This wasn’t Tenko… at all.

This bloodlust… was not hers right?

It was… The clione… amplifying her worst fears…

She’d never…

Kill anything…

Especially not… _Her_.

She.. can’t do this. 

Not at all.

But… Why does she… feel her body burst?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhh, yeah, trans rights Tenko!  
> Also if you have to, please bind safely, take care of your body, you can’t extend!  
> The nursery rhyme of the time is a… Japanese poem I found at a nursery rhyme site. I took out the last line however. I thought about putting a brazilian nursery rhyme that made more sense to me but the translation looked weird.  
> If you want to read additional author notes please check: https://kiwitty.carrd.co/#prprdxch3


	5. One sunny day - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> mushrooms, monsters and... men?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can’t believe I actually finished it in time for Tenko's birthday! Take that, ADHD tests that feel like callouts when they say I can’t keep up with self imposed deadlines and start things and never finish them! It might be a bit rushed and have some typos however... It's 5 am here and I haven't slept for hours at all.
> 
> Content warnings: homophobia and ableism in Tenko’s past. A character has a meltdown in the end, Some mushrooms are used as meds (These are fake ones bc I have no idea if any actually work for that) Please warn me if there is anything I forgot to mention here or in the tags!

Oh. 

She died again.

And it was noon. 

So they had waited more than half a day to extend her?

Weirdly… Only Saihara was outside.

Aren’t… They supposed to only meet secretly?

“Hey… You’re alright?”

“I’m not sure. What… Happened? Why… Aren’t the others here?”

“Your… Clione tried to merge with you. It seems that it is called a rampage. And I said to them I needed to have a talk with you about the full clione effects, so don’t worry about that. But keep your volume down, they are nearby in case anything happens.”

Yeah, she can do that. She… doesn’t feel like talking much after all. It’s not like there are many people that want to hear her anyway.

“Did I… hurt anyone?”

“Somehow, you managed to avoid that. I was very surprised...”

“It took… A lot of effort to control that.”

“You really seemed to struggle… You were really stressed already and then… she said that...”

“ _ Why… _ does she hate me that much? What have I ever  _ done  _ to her? I… like her so much! And… It… doesn’t change no matter how hard I try!”

“Hey… Some people just don’t mix together. But... I think… You should completely avoid her from now on.”

“I… Think so too. It… might make me feel less miserable… And avoid… That thing from taking me over again...”

“Hey… I… never told you about that but… There’s something called… Rejection sensitive dysphoria… And... I guess the cliones might have enhanced it… Even more. And… The rampage might have happened because of that.”

Rejection… Sensitive dysphoria huh? As Shuichi explained it, it surely made sense. The slightest hint of disapproval… Sometimes was enough to send Tenko into a self loathing state and fully end a day for her. It… Didn’t make sense, when she thought about it but… It was not something she could control.

And… The clione… Enhance… These feelings as well.

“Do you… Want to remove your clione? They… really are dangerous. Especially to people like us that have extra trouble controlling our feelings.”

“Hey… Saihara… Are there any ways to deal with that?”

“Some meds could ease it a bit but… We don’t really have them here?”

“What kind of meds?”   
“That depends on each person. And I’m not a doctor… What works on me might not work on you... Our best bet currently is… To reduce your stress…”

“Uh… I… Will work on that.” But… It’s extremely complicated here… ”It would be better if we had food I love like rice or… Somebody I could spar with…”

“You think… I could help you with that?”   
“Not really… Even if you are getting stronger you don’t really have that much stamina…”

“Yeah… And your hits are strong… You sure you don’t want me to take them off you?”

It… Would be the wisest to take them off. But… What… Would they do with them? Everyone else seems to hate them and… While Tenko might understand a bit where they are coming from... Tenko… Feels like she can’t blame them at all. Because she can feel them as well.

They… Surely have some survival instincts, and the electricity one seems to want to harm things. But… Their rampage… Was Tenko’s fault. They… Won’t do harm if Tenko stays in a good mental state right?

“No… I’m staying with them. They… are alive right? I… don’t want to harm them.”

“You… Feel bad for  _ brainwashing parasites _ ?”

“Yeah. They… Resonate with my feelings so… As long as I’m feeling well… They won’t be a problem. They’ll help me feel even better. We were alright for a few days right? I just… need to try to not feel bad.”

“That… will be  _ hard  _ but… I’ll respect your choice. But if they rampage again… The group choice was to take them off, even if you disagree…”

“They’d… Force me to take them off?”

If so… Maybe… It’d be better for Tenko to just… 

Run right? 

And not come back. 

With  _ everyone  _ hating her that much… At least she could save these parasites, even if she died quickly…

Would the people in the group even miss her?

They only put up with her because they need her x key to open doors up. 

Or maybe she should recommend doing something like… Only extending her when they need to open Zanki Hatches or her clione, and dispose of her when they are done with it… 

It might be better for everyone involved. Less resources needed… 

And she wouldn’t need to be indirectly involved with harming and killing other beings…

The only person that would miss her presence would be  _ Saihara  _ but… Saihara can get along with  _ everyone  _ else way  _ better  _ than Tenko so he wouldn’t feel it that much. Tenko… Is only one person. There are 6 other people there Saihara can interact with other than her. And all of them are smarter than her so… They’d be more interesting to talk to as well.

Saihara nodded.

“I… wasn’t able to do anything to stop this choice, sorry… The discussion took a long time... Anyway… We decided to wait until tomorrow to return to the island, so try to find something to do today…”

He… looks like he tried at least...

“...Alright.”

“Ok then… Now when we get out shout something and look angry so that won’t make others feel suspicious. I also think… We should avoid meeting next dawn.”

She nodded.

“How  _ dare  _ you suggest this you  _ degenerate _ !”

And she stormed off the garage.

There wasn’t much for her to do that day, so she went to her room. Maybe she could sleep. She needed some rest. 

But... Someone knocked her door. Who would it be? Saihara would never do so at noon. Maybe…

Hoshi?

Or Tojo…

When she opened the door, she was surprised to see Iidabashi of all people standing outside...

"Hey… Chabashira-san… I usually feel uncomfortable about you but yesterday it… Felt particularly bad... With you saying that you wouldn't want to be in a team full of degenerate males and… I think we need to talk it out."

Oh. Right. Even if right now he looks older than Tenko… He still is a kid. Well. Some can still do some mean things but… Even then, they are still learning.

"Oh. Right. Sorry. How do you want me to talk to you then? Boy?"

“No? I’m not a boy! And not a girl either! I am myself!"

"Oh. Just like Hibiki from Prismatic Paradise.” So… She treated them wrongfully all this time huh? No wonder they were so upset near her. 

But… Even if they aren’t a man… They aren’t a woman as well… So… Tenko doesn’t really need to treat them as nicely as she treats women… “Sorry, you aren’t a degenerate so… That means we could have gone with that first formation earlier..."

"Wait… That’s it? What is… Prismatic… Paradise?"

"Yeah, the best cartoon ever!"

"A… Cartoon?"

"Uh? What do you mean?"

"I… expected you to react… differently…"

"How?"

"I expected you wouldn't understand… But… You did..."

Why does…  _ Everyone  _ expect that from her?

She… thought she was better than that?

"Hey… even if I  _ didn't  _ understand I have no right to be disrespectful to you. I'm sorry I hurt your feelings but... I had no way of knowing that if you didn't talk to me about it…"

“... Oh. Yeah… You’re right. Thanks…”

Ah! Right. Saihara once talked to her about how some names mattered right? 

There are a whole lot of identities that are neither men nor women. And some that might be both and such.

Saihara was surprised Tenko understood these things rather easily but… 

In the temple, there were all kinds of people. And since they believed in reincarnation, it was… seen as natural. 

You have many experiences in your life, many that aren’t even as a human and you know what makes you feel like you.

Since she doesn’t know about what exactly makes Iidabashi feel comfortable… It’s better to ask. 

"You want me to refer to you in another way? Like... kid or… they or..."

"You… can keep referring to me with he and him pronouns! Just don't use stuff like degenerate, male, men, boy and similar stuff… It makes me uncomfortable."

"Alright… Iidabashi-san."

"Hey… Would you be alright if I used the women's sento as well? There is really… none for me, I kinda feel self conscious of having to go to the men's side all the time. I'd rather… Alternate between them."

Well. There is no place for him, just like for Hibiki, right? And Hibiki was freely allowed to go to the men’s and women’s prismatic paradises as she pleased because of that.

"Who am I to stop you? If you aren't a degenerate you can go in. But I doubt you'd like it. Nobody but me and maybe Tojo when she's free would like sharing a bath with anyone… Believe me, I tried many times."

"Oh that… Yeah… I… know why that might happen…"

So… There…  _ is  _ something… Right? And these four that know what’s going on… Lied to her.

"You  _ do _ ? Why?"

"I...  _ can't  _ tell you. I promised them. But… well… Do you want to go with me at times?"

Well, Iidabashi is being honest at least. But...

_ Them?  _ Do…  _ both  _ of them have a personal problem with her?

_ What…  _ Did she do wrong?

"Actually… I might take your offer. I feel really bad when I have to use that huge bath on my own… And I… Feel a bit uncomfortable near Tojo-san nowadays." 

“... You too?”

“Yeah…”

Iidabashi was really glad he was being accepted so he started talking about all sorts of things to her. It was nice, having someone casually talk about her. It was something she missed.

Tenko is glad Saihara explained some stuff to her otherwise she wouldn't have understood a thing about Iidabashi's rant about how rentable, online subscription services were killing owning stuff and how now all of that media that was never put into physical releases was lost. Tenko never had these at the temple. Not that even these mattered. Even with physical copies and her electricity she couldn't watch anything anyway. There were no devices here that could play them. 

They were… just as lost. 

It… Was not her first choice on subjects to talk about. Or would ever be one of her subject choices at all. 

But… Iidabashi was enthusiastic. That was nice.

That moment… She decided that… It might be better to stop giving neo-aikido classes to Hoshi. Not only… She doesn’t feel like there was much progress anymore in then, but… 

He  _ lied  _ to her…

So she asked for Iidabashi to send him a memo since he was going to talk to him later.

It… Was a bit of a cowardly move but… It’s not like avoiding to tell her the truth, or even that there was a problem wasn’t a nice move as well.

The next morning, they once again returned to the ruin. And the group was planning to keep the same teams but…

"Nyeh… I don't want to see these disgusting fungi again… I want to go to the factory today"

Tenko could see Yumeno’s slight glance at her. She felt uncomfortable, for sure. After all, she  _ despised  _ her. Then… There was only something she could do.

"Then I'm going to the forest. It’s where someone  _ disgusting  _ like me belongs."

"Huh? Chabashira-san… are you sure?" Hoshi intervened.

"There are still many things I want to research about the clione effects, so I am going to remain on her team until I finish my research!" Saihara did his best to keep up with their plan.

"Chabashira-san… are you really alright with that?" Hoshi argued.

"Well… At least he's being  _ honest  _ with me."

"But… You're being  _ studied… _ " He looked down.

"So what? He  _ has  _ to! Cliones are  _ dangerous _ ! Even  _ I  _ know that! I  _ burst  _ thanks to them yesterday!"

"Then… We'll come with you…" Tojo suggested.

She… Doesn’t really  _ want  _ to be… With people that lied to her.

"I… think it is better that you two stay with them.”

“It’s the most logical situation! They don't know anything about the factory at all! You can guide them!" Saihara intervened with better arguments, since it was unlikely they’d follow Tenko’s wish.

"But…" Hoshi tried to come up with something but wasn’t able to.

"We'll need someone that went to the mountain to guide us… Idabashi-kun, Shinguuji-kun, think you can do it?" Saihara suggested.

"Yeah!” Idabashi jolted. 

"If she agrees…" The anthropologist completed.

Then… There was only one thing left to do.

"No problem."

"Are you sure Chabashira-san? You didn't want to go with this formation yesterday…" Hoshi commented.

"So what?"

"Don't you want me to go instead? You'll be on a team with mostly-" Oh, was he going to say… Degenerates?

Idabashi wasn’t one. And Saihara was the person she trusted the most in this place. She’d rather be with them. Even if it takes to have to be in the same place as that creepy… anthropologist?

At least... He hasn’t lied to her  _ yet…  _

"And… What would  _ change  _ if you went with us?"

"I… but… you don't know  _ any  _ of them…" He replied.

"I… might as well know none of you after all."

And with that, Chabashira darted alone to the fungi forest.

The first person to catch up was Idabashi. He was the fastest person in the team.

"Hey… Chabashira-san… Are you mad at them?" He asked.

"Yeah."

"Was it… because of something I told you?"

"In a way… Yes."

"Uh… why?"

"None of them were honest with me you know? I'd rather hear they have a problem directly… Than have others say it doesn't exist or try to distract me from it."

"But… I didn't tell you what the problem was as well… Are you… mad at me too?"

"No. You  _ were  _ honest. You even came to talk to me about why you were uncomfortable with me. That was really nice of you."

"But… I didn't say anything about that other issue…"

"Hey. It's got  _ nothing  _ to do with you right? And you said you  _ promised  _ not to tell. I respect that you kept your promise while also being  _ honest _ ."

"Oh… I understand. Want me to talk with them about it? I’m not the most respected person here but… I can try to do something."

"No. If it doesn't come from them… then I don't think it'd be  _ genuine _ . I’d rather be alone than that."

"…Ok… I hope things work out."

A small laugh came from behind then and Tenko jolted and got ready to attack.

"Interesting development. I see you two have bonded… " Oh. It was the creepy dude.

"Hey you degenerate! Don't scare me like that!"

"Don't worry. Just analyzing things. By the way… does this place ring a bell to any of you two newcomers? Nobody could recognize it yesterday."

_ Bell _ ?

_ Bells _ … Hearing them would be nice.

"I don't hear any ringing bells? Maybe… I could if I played with the one in my neck."

"Ah. He meant. Does this place feel familiar to you? And in my case… Nope." Saihara replied.

"I don't think I ever went to a place like this… There are so many colors… Even in the floor."

But it is also… 

So silent.

It… is eerie.

It isn’t a  _ good  _ silence. Like the quiet back at the temple. In there, you could still hear birds, frogs, cicadas, crickets and all.

It feels strange… 

And extremely  _ scary _ . She can’t predict anything that might happen at all. She… Has no idea of anything here.

“These colors  _ aren’t  _ a good thing. These are probably  _ very  _ dangerous to us… Not to mention that factory’s chemicals…” Saihara explained “I wonder how we are even able to  _ breathe  _ in this place _ …  _ There aren’t any trees around here and… Fungi don’t really produce oxygen…”

“Even if it’s dangerous it is… so  _ pretty…”  _

"Oh. You think fungi are pretty?" Shinguji quered.

Why… Shouldn’t she?

"Yeah! They are like visible proof that life has many ways to go on… it doesn't really end!"

"Interesting… very different from the approach we heard yesterday." The anthropologist chuckled. Something about him… Unsettles Tenko...

"Hey… what was it?" Saihara asked, to break that short silence.

"Everything there died. This place is  _ barren _ ." Shinguji replied with a serious voice.

"There were also complaints about smell once they took off the masks to taste the mushrooms.” Idabashi explained. “And the lack of noise feeling odd."

But… That was right. It was  _ very  _ odd. Even back in their base… There were still noises. 

Even  _ there  _ there were…  _ Insects _ .

They… survive  _ anywhere _ , right?

"Hey… what have you found on this island?" Saihara asked.

"Only fungi. We saw some slugs… and some weird looking feathers that  _ might  _ belong to a bird. ” Idabashi spoke. “And… we found a few footprints we couldn't recognize, Harukawa said… they were similar to the size of an elephant’s footprints?"

A Bird? Then… Why can’t Tenko hear any?

"There are… no creatures at this mountain?" Saihara asked.

"None that we found.” Shinguuji answered.

No creatures, not even…  _ insects _ ?

It… makes sense actually. 

But even if… all the insects died…

There were still fungi. And they  _ are  _ alive...

"This place isn't barren at all! These slugs are still living beings! As much as fungi are!"

"Interesting… what would a barren place be to you?" The tone which he questioned… Didn’t feel good. Is he… Doubting her opinion or...

Is it… that thing Saihara spoke earlier?

Well. She can only reply.

"A place there is no life? It's not that hard!"

"Like space? Or the sun?" Idabashi replied.

"Tenko never went there so she can't really know, but something like that."

"Well, there might be microscopic lifeforms in space so we can't be sure but the sun is a sure bet." Saihara explained.

“Thinking about it… Thanks to that dome around there we can’t really know what time it is around here… How are we going to tell if it’s… day or night?” Idabashi commented.

Usually, even when she didn’t leave the temple and looked outside, Tenko could tell the time of the day thanks to the animals.

Dawn was when she started hearing chirps. 

In the mornings and noons, there were dogs, cats, and people chatter in general.

And the night was when she heard frogs and insect noises.

“We… Can’t really… Is that why you took so long to arrive yesterday?” Saihara asked.

“Yeah… Oh! Hey… Saihara-kun! Can you explain  _ why  _ the fungi here are so big?" Idabashi asked.

"I… don’t know most of these species, they might be new ones… But some of them seem to be… Armillaria. The honey mushroom.” Saihara explained. “They usually feed on plant matter and they can actually get to be some of earth's biggest lifeforms. They usually exist in cold areas... I think… we might be able to eat them as well."

"Oh. That's interesting… I never heard about this!" Idabashi replied.

As Saihara kept explaining about the fungi he knew there, Tenko’s mind drifted off.

It felt so… Hazy…

What should she even do at these times? Even if Saihara says he has no friends… 

He interacts with everyone way better than Tenko does. 

They surely  _ look  _ like friends at least. Even if they are friends with the fake Saihara.

Actually... 

Tenko has no idea why she can't get close to people when she tries so  _ hard  _ to. What was she doing wrong?

People always said for her to be honest, to help others, but when she tried doing these things they always  _ complained  _ about it. 

They said she didn't respect boundaries, that she was way too loud, too emotive, that she should control herself better, that she didn't try enough or that she tried too much.

What the hell do they want?

It was so confusing… She had no idea how to act. She was always trying her hardest. She tried her best to control herself most of the time.

Why were there so many rules nobody told her about? 

Why whenever she asked about them she only received "that should be obvious!" "you're old enough to know about that" as answers? 

Was there a ‘how to interact with people’ manual others were purposefully keeping away from her because they didn't like her? 

Did you receive it at a certain age and she never got hers?

Ugh. 

She can’t take it anymore, she  _ needs  _ some noise or something else to do to be able to focus on what they say more easily and to not keep on dwelling in these thoughts…

Why… does this silence… 

Make her lose her focus so much? 

When too much noise does the  _ same  _ as well?

Is there anything she can do to ease this feeling?

She looked around. The fungi near her were soft so they didn’t make much noise when touched.

There were no trees so no sticks as well…

Ugh. It’s no use. She can’t pay attention to anything others are saying.

She can hear they are talking about something but she can’t make anything out of it at all.

Usually moving her body helped a bit but… 

Even flapping her arms slightly… Wasn’t working…

Maybe jumping could do something? But… Jumping would attract too much attention. 

But it’s her best bet.

If it’s a big enough jump, it might give her something that’ll last for longer? Maybe… She can jump on one of these huge mushrooms to raise her higher? 

They seemed soft and sturdy enough…

The others would find her weird but. 

Well. 

They already  _ did  _ anyway…

If she can just… Feel  _ better… _

She ran towards the mushroom and hopped into it. And…

  
  


It… Worked.

She actually… Was sent  _ way  _ higher than she expected…

She could see a bit more of the place thanks to that. There seemed to be a… just a bunch of mushrooms ahead of them for a long while actually. 

And maybe… A… Muddy area?

If she was in her adult form… Maybe she could see more...

As she fell back to the ground, she heard a tingling noise. 

A familiar one.

_ What _ …

Oh, right! It was her bell! 

She  _ has  _ her bell! 

She can play with it to hear something, anything!

  
  


_ Wait _ .

  
  


Tenko… Can hear something other than her bell. 

That isn’t the group’s unrecognizable likely complaints for her impulsive actions and lack of attention.

It’s…  _ very  _ far away. 

It sounds...

"Hey… Tenko… just heard some noises coming from afar… are there  _ really…  _ no  _ other  _ animals or creatures there?"

"I… Haven't heard a thing but-” Saihara replied. He looked really worried. “Why were you jumping like that? It’s dangerous! You could get hurt doing that!"

She… Could?

“Saihara-kun… You seem… especially worried about her...” Shinguji asked.

“I don’t want to carry an x-key so soon! We need to analyze the clione!” He replied.

“It looks fun! I’m doing it too!” Idabashi ran and jumped into a mushroom as well.

Uh… What could have caused this noise?

Think Tenko… What did you just do?

Jump… In the mushroom?

Wait. Idabashi is jumping _ right now _ and that noise isn’t coming out. 

So that isn’t it...

Did she forget anything important again?

“Whoa! There’s some sort of… muddy area over there!” Idabashi shouted. “We should go there!”

“Oh, that… Is a great lead!” Saihara seemed incredulous. “Sorry for before, you... had a  _ genius  _ idea, Chabashira-san! This might help us know where to go now!”

“How  _ interesting…  _ Nobody else in our group would have  _ ever  _ thought about that. Nice job.” Shinguuji replied.

Uh… But… She hadn’t…  _ Thought  _ about anything? 

She just wanted to…

Forget about the silence.

Oh yeah.  _ The silence... _

The rush the jump gave her was already ending huh? 

She… 

Can’t really make out what they are saying again. It lasted way less than she thought.

Oh yeah! She can play with her bell!

Oh.

She can hear that noise again.

That...  _ lonely _ … Noise.

“Are you sure you aren’t… hearing anything?”

“I can hear your bell!” Idabashi replied.

“Not that! A  _ different  _ sound!”

“Is it the same you heard before?” Shinguji questioned.

“Yeah…”

“ _ Interesting _ . Describe it.” Ugh. The way he tries to analyze others feels… Bad. And Tenko can’t pinpoint why.

Maybe she shouldn’t have entered a team with this  _ degenerate _ … But… It was her  _ choice _ . So she has to go along with it.

"It's… like hearing a cry? It sounds…  _ Sad _ ."

"Maybe it's a ghost?" Idabashi suggested.

"These don't exist!" Saihara argued.

"Well. We have very much died. Can we really… be  _ sure  _ these things  _ don't  _ exist?" Tenko replied.

"I… don't know… but… Even if we  _ are  _ in the afterlife… then why would even there be  _ ghosts  _ here? It makes no sense!" Saihara replied.

"The place we're in makes no sense! This huge mountain is covered by an even bigger dome and has appeared out of nowhere! No logic would apply to that! So ghosts might as well  _ exist _ ."

… Yeah… This isn’t a place where questioning some stuff will lead you anywhere. There are things… She could only accept. Like shigabanes.

She stopped playing with her bell as she thought about it and… The other sound… Stopped.

“Uh… The sound stopped?”

“Both times you said you heard this noise…” Shinguuji commented. “It was related to your bell ringing.”

“Maybe the cliones react to it?” Saihara suggested.

Unlikely. She can  _ feel  _ when it’s them. And also, since she is in her child form now she  _ can’t  _ feel them at  _ all _ .

“Nope.  _ Totally  _ different from them.”

“Maybe your bell is haunted then?" Idabashi looked interested. 

_ Haunted _ ?

No way!

Tenko had… This  _ cursed  _ monster that lived within her. 

One way worse than any clione could even dream of being. 

A demon. 

Her parents never believed her when she said that and told… The monster was her all along.

But…

What else… Could that thing that takes over her body… And makes her lose all control of herself…  _ Be  _ if it isn’t a monster? 

When it does things Tenko  _ hates _ ?

When it made her… Lose so many things? 

And the awful  _ aftermath  _ it always leaves, that often causes Tenko to lose her voice?

Her master… Was the only person that trusted her on that. 

But he also said that she shouldn’t be afraid of that monster, since it wasn’t  _ bad _ , and gave her that blessed bell that he told would soothe that monster and let it sleep.

She… Still thinks that monster  _ is  _ bad. 

But… It hasn’t appeared since the incident, and that was long ago. 

She hopes this means the monster has gone away but… She can’t be sure.

But while she has this bell… This monster  _ won’t  _ come back.

“Whoa, no? This bell is  _ blessed _ ! It seals a monster!”

“There’s a monster  _ inside  _ it? Like a Capumon?” Idabashi commented. Capumon... was that monster collecting franchise Tenko’s students liked right? “Maybe you are hearing its voice!”

“Or it could be some sort of hallucination caused by the mushroom spores of this mushroom you just jumped in.” Saihara replied. He tended to be skeptical but… An hallucination? She  _ isn’t  _ seeing things... “I… Have no idea whatever that thing is called but it’s so colorful… It’s more likely.”

“I… Don’t really see anything weird?”

“There are  _ auditory  _ hallucinations as well! There are too many fungi around here we don’t know at all so… Even if isn’t from that mushroom you just jumped in... It’s the most likely possibility” 

Well, if Saihara says so…

Saihara knows more about these things than her at least...

“Well, if she was having them wouldn’t Shinguuji have them as well? His masks protects almost as much as hers!” Idabashi protested.

“I never said I wasn’t having any.” The anthropologist commented.

“Wait… You are?” Idabashi blurted.

“The voices I hear call my name however.” He replied.

“Alright… That settles it. It’s almost certain some of these spores truly _cause_ auditory hallucinations…” Saihara concluded. “But… Just to confirm… Did anyone else comment or do anything weird yesterday?”

If Saihara says so… It must be the truth.

“Well, Harukawa-san didn’t say a thing but... sometimes she stopped and looked to the sides,” Idabashi replied “As if she was seeing or hearing something…”

“That… Checks out… Her mask doesn’t protect against as many hazards as mine does...” Saihara continued. “Let’s try to go towards the muddy area.”

Tenko then returned to playing with her bell as she tried to pay attention to what others were saying in their walk and tried to ignore that mourning sound.

“By the way… What was that factory you visited yesterday? Were there creatures?” Idabashi asked.

Actually Tenko had no idea what that factory was. But Saihara thankfully replied.

“Ah… it was a dyeing factory!”

Wait…  _ Dying _ ?

“... A dying factory?”

“ _ Dyeing _ . It… Doesn’t come from death. It comes from… ink. These bulky things were industrial washers, and these weird colorful rocks we found were dried ink.  _ Probably _ .”

“... Are paints that dangerous?” Idabashi paused. “To make… this… Wasteland?” 

“Actually, I… Have no idea. Fashion is one of the  _ most  _ polluting industries in the world, and some waste damages the land and all but… It… Shouldn’t have affected a  _ mountain  _ that much. These residues… Can’t really go upstreams...” Saihara tried thinking. “Maybe there were trees here that they used to extract dyes? Like paubrasilia echinata… Even then… These dyes wouldn’t have been that toxic to this land if that was the case...”   
… What a complicated name!

“What is that?” 

“It was a tree they extracted brazilin from. It is also called pernambuco wood.”

This helps nothing.

“What even does a pernambuco  _ mean _ ?”

“There are many explanations for this and none are certain so let’s just skip that and say… This tree was very important to some places.”

“Uh… Why?”

“People like fancy clothes. And like red. And this wood’s red was very intense. And there were many trees of this species on a certain place’s coast… So… Some people from another place came, claimed to own the place, cut the trees off…”   
“And they got away with it?”

“Yeah.”

“Weren’t there other people there?”   
“There were! But… These people didn’t care for that at all. And… They had guns. And illnesses these people never had contact with before. Many of these people… Lost their land. And  _ died _ .” What makes… Something like  _ this…  _ Happen… All for…  _ Paint _ ?  _ Money _ ? “Anyway. The ships, full with these tree logs, were used to make that place profit… But it also led to corsair - I mean, pirates attacking them to steal the woods.”   
“Pirates? “ Idabashi was confused. ”This story sounds intense...”

“It’s not a  _ story…  _ It’s…  _ History _ . And it’s one of the many key historical moments that the clothing industry did a lot of irreparable damage that killed and impoverished lots of people. That tree species… Is endangered nowadays.”

Wait… That  _ vile  _ destruction isn’t  _ all _ ? It wasn’t  _ enough _ ?

“There are more?”

“Yeah… Like the industrial revolution or-”

“Whoa! You’re _right_!” Idabashi commented. “Clothing… Did a lot of damage to our world… All for money, huh?”

_Money_...

Just… How far are people willing to go for pieces of metal and  _ paper _ ?

That comes from  _ nature  _ in the first place?

And that… Are worth  _ nothing  _ in this place?

“Why… Does money even exist?”

"While it turned into a huge problem, it actually started with a good intention.”

“What do you mean? What  _ good- _ ”

“Let’s say I have two watermelons and you have ten apples. You want a watermelon. What would you do?”   
“Ask you for it? We could share.”   
“But what if I didn’t want to share?”

“Uh… Trade for some apples?”   
“How many?”

“Uh… five or…”

“What if I didn’t want five? What if I wanted eight apples for a watermelon?”

“That’s like… Almost all I have!”

“See the problem? When things were trades, it was hard to agree on just how much something was worth. By creating something with a fixed value, and creating a base system to measure just how much value things had, was needed to make it easier for everyone to have what they wanted and needed back then.”

...Oh. That makes sense…

But… How did it warp to… This _destructive_ thing?

“How did things... Get this bad then?”

“Humans… Are more complex than that.” Shinguji replied this time. And it sent Tenko shivers down her spine. Just when she  _ forgot  _ he was there... “In their quest to solve conflicts… new conflicts will rise. Because… Humans are _very_ different and value different things…”

Ugh. She hates to think about it but what he speaks seems to make sense...

“Many things that create conflict nowadays… Like prisons, or… Schools… Started with good intentions behind them. As ways to stop conflicts.”

_ Prisons? _

Thankfully, Idabashi questioned him on that so Tenko didn’t have to directly question him.

“Before them, people that were thought to be criminals or bad... Were tortured and killed… Hit with stones,” Saihara explained. “Sometimes with no proof they even committed these crimes... And… were completely abandoned.”

“They still  _ are _ ?” 

“Yeah… But the original idea behind them was to create a place to give criminals new chances of learning and reforming… but… they turned into awful places… And… Not only them. Schools were created to help others learn from experts, while not having the same pressure as them…” But… School  _ still  _ pressures them? “And were and are very important to stop children from having to work.”

“Wouldn’t it be better to just… ban them from working?”

“Even if they did… It wouldn’t be enough. It was especially necessary in places with awful living conditions. Where people were poor, and barely had the money to feed themselves, much less  _ time  _ to care for their children. The jobs were also really awful back then, and you risked yourself all the time because there weren’t really any laws. So… Even when some were created, these works would remain illegally. So… They had to create not only laws that regulated jobs, but laws for punishing these that didn’t send their kids to school. You see… Before that… In capitalist societies... Studying… Was a privilege only really the  _ richest  _ had. And the rich… Ensured their children got proper education so kept being at the top. And also ensured that the poor remained unable to change their status.”

… Well. Tenko never thought of it like that.

But school… Was still the _worst_ place in her _life_.

“... School… Still _sucked_.”

“Yeah… All of these things do actually. Not everyone learns the same way and fixed tests are  _ not  _ an efficient way to test one's intelligence, since… There is much more to intelligence than that, and there are  _ many  _ kinds of intelligence. But even then… School was… way better than putting children to risk their lives working in these jobs.“

That… It  _ was _ .

“Saihara-kun… You look more comfortable today… And you both have been talking without any conflict… Interesting.” Shinguji commented.

Ugh. Why did this  _ degenerate  _ have to be here?

“I… Like talking about interesting stuff!” That he did. He talked about so many different things in a small moment and Tenko was able to keep up with everything so… It was not bad. The first time she felt  _ good  _ exploring a ruin.   
“Chabashira-san… You… Still haven’t threatened to hurl anyone away… And have been paying attention to what he says...” Idabashi… Please don’t keep asking Tenko stuff… Not near that  _ degenerate _ ! “And Saihara has been using  _ easier  _ to understand dialogue… What… Is going on there?”

Saihara already said something so… Tenko probably has to say something as well. 

But what?

“Look, being on this team was my choice so I can’t really protest about that! If I keep my mind busy I don’t have to worry about that voice! Or about the others! That’s all!”

“Oh… Yeah… You looked really anxious before you started hearing that voice… Like you couldn’t keep up with us at all... Maybe it’s the bell? Or is it the mushroom?”

Tenko… 

Thinks it’s the bell. It reminded her of the place she felt the safest and brought back good memories… And takes this silence away.

“Probably the bell. The silence of this forest scares me a lot.”

“Oh… So that was it…” Idabashi replied. “I’m glad you’re feeling better now.”

“A very interesting development indeed. Are you more yielding with us… Because you fought with the others and can’t survive alone?”

Is… Shinguuji implying that she’d obey  _ anyone  _ if it was all she had? 

There are people she’d rather  _ die  _ than follow orders!

Wait… That doesn’t really mean the same nowadays huh? With all her deaths… It’s less strong.

What? No!” Anyway… She feels like… Throwing this degenerate away… Even if being able to understand  _ whatever  _ goes by his mind scares her. Well, even if she is in a kid’s body now… And Shinguji in a middle aged one... She can still pack a punch. “What do you want? A fight? You  _ degenerate- _ ”

“Saihara! Do you think all societies are destined to fail thanks to the nature of human complexity?" What the… 

What was even Idabashi trying to do?

Oh. 

Whatever it was… It  _ worked  _ in distracting her from her anger,

And in enticing the anthropologist’s curiosity.

"You could say that… All societies are destined to enter in conflict with their own rules until they reach a place where they don't need to. But, the thesis, antithesis and synthesis aren’t going to be enough! Because new synthesis will always create new problems and this cycle will repeat until humanity goes extinct!”

What did that even mean? Saihara and these complicated words...

“Well, I think… That we've evolved a lot from the beginning and are going to reach that better place! And that you should expect better from people!" Oh. She agrees with Idabashi.

"There will be a lot of destruction before we arrive at that place! And with new technologies, the destruction gets even more harmful!" Saihara… 

Does he really believe that? It feels a bit like an act. 

Even if it’s more  _ logical…  _

She can feel that deep down Saihara doesn’t  _ want  _ to think like that…

But… Saihara prefers to chase logic. Especially in groups. 

"Saihara… I don’t believe we ever talked about Empedocles? I think it would be fitting to this moment." The anthropologist looked enthralled.

What even is a Empicles?

A food? Pickled stuff?

Tenko  _ hates  _ pickles.

"What is that? A food?"

"He’s a Greek philosopher!” Idabashi replied. “That vegetarian and reincarnationist one you told me about right?"

Vegetarian and… Reencarnationist? Maybe he was not that different from Tenko then. 

"Yeah. Most people think hate is the opposite of love. But Empedocles thought it was  _ strife _ . And that both of them were essential. With only strife, there is chaos. With only love, there is harmony. But with both you have life.” Tenko… Couldn’t understand _where_ that was connected with Saihara’s point _at all._ What even does strife mean? “Love, brings attraction. And Strife, separation… Things seek to become one just as they seek to become different and unique. They need the creation and destruction cycle to exist to keep on existing."

Wait… Then strife stands for...

Chaos? Destruction? And separation?

“Wait… then… Isn’t strife  _ bad _ ? How can  _ harmony  _ be bad?”

“Not necessarily! Strife means  _ Conflict _ .” Idabashi commented. “And not all conflicts are  _ bad _ ! Some conflicts are really important, like Our conflict yesterday brought good things for us! Even if it brought… Some bad things as well. Conflict is what makes things change! And changes can be good and bad. But… A place where nothing changes…  _ harmony…  _ Becomes stagnant. And stagnant places… Like a rock... Have no life.”

Well… He was right. 

But… Even a  _ rock  _ has  _ energy _ within it...

But maybe… Just like life can't exist without death… 

Love can’t exist without strife…

"You've... Mostly kept up with our philosophical talk. You usually doze off…" Saihara commented.

Oh. Right. Usually she can’t understand philosophy at all, no matter how Saihara tries to explain it. And Saihara doesn’t really like philosophy. So he just gave up on it.

But… 

The others wouldn’t know that. So… He  _ slipped _ ...

"Oh… That's… Not that different from what monks told me. It’s… Like life needing death and all."

"I think it's incredible how people from completely different places, ages and backgrounds can reach the same conclusions!" Idabashi’s eyes were shining.

"But even then… We can't prove many of these things and many were debunked." Saihara commented.

"These people were who made the path for things like the math and science you like so much to exist." Shinguji replied.

"But… Just like science... Philosophers have their problems.” Saihara “Like these that thought slaves were needed so smart people like them could focus on the important things..."

"Yeah… They reflected the society they grew up…” Idabashi commented. “I think it's great we grew up in a place where we can all agree that that was messed up!"

...Since when was Idabashi this cheerful? He says some creepy stuff sometimes…

Stuff that… wouldn’t feel odd coming from Shinguji.

_ Wait… _

… Saihara says stuff like these things sometimes as well. Stuff like… Saying that there is no way to prove some stuff is good or bad because everything depends on the viewpoint.

While it might apply to some stuff, like these things they talked about today… Does it really apply for  _ everything _ ? Wouldn’t it be  _ dangerous  _ if it did?

There is suffering in this world. And… It can be  _ lessened _ . Wanting suffering to increase is  _ bad _ .

Even if you see  _ nothing  _ as bad… What is the point? Nothing would be  _ good  _ as well. 

A way of viewing the world where nothing means  _ anything…  _ Where everything just… Happens… For no reason… Is…  _ sad _ .

And Tenko… Would never want to try and sympathize with someone that feels alright doing things that make others  _ suffer _ .

Is Shinguuji being a good influence for them?

"Yeah. Some things changed.” Oh. Saihara was talking again. What were they talking about again? “But in the end… We all are still beings that aren’t able to know and understand everything.”

Well. Whatever it was… No being will ever be able to do that.

“Saihara-san… We won’t ever be.”

“You… Might be right…” He agreed. “Do you think that something we think is common now… Might be considered unacceptable in some decades?”

“Yeah… Maybe owning things? At least land or nature… Shouldn't really belong to anyone…” 

And factories like that… Shouldn’t exist.

“Yeah! And clothes having meanings that aren’t aesthetic or utilitary!” Idabashi inputted his opinion “They make no sense!”

“Yeah… I just want to wear a  _ haramaki  _ in peace… And based on what Saihara said, it probably would be better for the world if clothes never existed…”

"Well. They caused lots of destruction but… For humanity, their existence is a need. Sure, in hot areas maybe not so much but…” Oh yeah… For people that hate their body like Saihara… And Tenko as well… Clothes help them feel less bad with themselves. “They protect us in the cold and from the dangers of the world. And not to mention… Would you want to walk around naked?"

Tenko knows that this sense of comfort brought by clothes is real. Be it fabric or being covered. Being naked… Makes you feel so vulnerable.

Not to mention Tenko's skin is super sensitive to some inputs. Like being touched by degenerates and all. When she puts on a comfortable fabric, it is easier to deal with the day...

But… Humans… Were born naked right? Shouldn't they feel more comfortable like that?

"No…"

"See? Sure, clothes were also used to reinforce society rules… From who were slaves, to who were kings… Reflect your place in society. To what is considered normal…" 

Kings… Is still something Tenko won't understand at all. And that Saihara as well feels that doesn't make much sense.

"Not to mention gender roles! I wish I could wear a dress without being looked at weirdly!" Idabashi… Should a piece of clothing really hold that much power? To make you feel comfortable, but also uncomfortable because of the other’s judgement?

Well. Tenko knows it makes no sense but… She stopped wearing haramakis because of that. She gave up on her comfort to avoid weird looks.

But now that she thinks about it… It makes no sense? They are… Only… Scraps of fabric… Should people… Judge others that harshly because of that? 

"What is stopping you? They are only pieces of clothing!"

"You know what! You're right! I want to find a dress that suits me! And you should go back to using your haramaki!” Well, at least Idabashi won’t judge her… That’s nice. ”Even if it looked  _ different  _ it was also cute! These cat stamps were nice!"

“Yeah… The cats were pretty cute…” Oh… Saihara didn’t dislike them as well? 

“I thought… Everyone hated them?”

“Well, they are considered ugly and tacky by common sense! But common sense fails pretty often!” Idabashi explained. “But… When you look at them with all that in mind… It… Kinda falls apart. One should wear what makes them feel happiest! Even if that is nothing!”

“Yeah… As long as it doesn’t harm anyone… Then it’s no one's deal.” Saihara completed.

Oh. So… At least two people won’t judge her if she wears them. That’s nice.

Before Tenko realized it, they had arrived at the muddy area.

There… Wasn’t much of interest there. Except a few…  _ Bones  _ in the mud? 

Everyone avoided the place. They didn’t know how deep it was and cleaning their clothes from mud that thick would be extremely hard.

But… There were different mushrooms around there. And one in particular… Saihara spent a long time looking at it. And… Everyone else was looking at him, so he was starting to get uncomfortable.

Did. He forget the shroom’s name?

Well. Even if he didn’t... Tenko can help take the attention off him and make him less nervous.

“... Tenko doesn’t know how these are called.”

She could feel that Saihara was thankful nobody was paying attention to him anymore.

“These are Musapa Mushrooms! Yumeno took one yesterday but she said for me to keep away from them!”

Yumeno… recognized them? 

Was it the one that killed her?

"Huh… Saihara, what are these used for?"

"Probably  _ tripping…  _ But there were studies for treating anxiety, depression, ptsd. But… they might cause psychotic effects as well. But… It’s unlikely they’d kill anyone... So… I might pick some as well...”

Uh… That doesn’t sound like anything kids should be taking.

"Iidabashi-san! You stay away from these mushrooms! Saihara, you're sure it's safe for you to have them?"

"I'm not sure on the amount but they might work as… Meds…"

“Meds?”   
“Yeah… These have some… Stimulant functions, and…”   
Oh no. Saihara… Doesn’t really have any self control. It might be dangerous if he ends up getting addicted to something they can find with certain ease...

“You… Want to get  _ high _ ?”

“Wait, they don’t work like that to me!”

Was Saihara telling the truth? He could be lying this time. Degenerates do that. Especially in front of a group.

“They don’t?”

“Yeah! For people with ADHD they tend to work differently! They actually make me calmer! If they don’t work like that you can throw them away, I promise!”

… Saihara… Even if he is telling the truth… It’s likely he might take way too much… Any medicine can turn into poison with the wrong amount...

So even if these work differently, and do help him… They are still dangerous.

But… If it isn’t for him… 

He will dose it properly. 

Saihara doesn’t want to make others miserable, unlike many degenerates.

"Ugh. Fine. Take them. But. I will take care of them and take the same amount as you to ensure you're telling the truth."

"You're trying them too?" Idabashi was confused.

"Yeah… I have ADHD as well. I can test if the degenerate is lying or not thanks to that."

"Makes sense. Want me to document it?" Shinguuji should stop appearing from nowhere and suggest creepy things. It’s hard to restrain her urge to throw the degenerate away when he keeps on doing these things.

But… Actually. Having a sober adult monitor them is their best bet in case anything goes awry here. 

And… He is the  _ only  _ other adult that Tenko isn’t in  _ awful  _ terms with currently...

“If you try anything funny you will be thrown away, degenerate!”

“ _Kehehe_. It wasn’t  _ no _ .  _ Interesting _ .”

“So… Since this muddy area isn’t of much help to us… Where are we going next?” Iidabashi’s question made the team decide to do the mushroom jump once again.

This time, Idabashi saw a red pillar in some direction, so they decided to head there. But...

They had no idea how much time they spent in these woods. But there was something that signaled it had been way more than they intended to. Not only their food supply had depleted, they were too hungry to move on, and no one wanted to eat raw mushrooms after yesterday, but Tenko went through her aging process.

So they returned to the dome’s gate. 

And received many complaints. At least, these weren’t aimed at  _ Tenko  _ so she felt less bad about them.

Who’d think… That Tenko would  _ enjoy  _ going to a ruin in a team with no women? It probably was the ruin exploration day she felt less bad ever since they woke up on that island.

That afternoon, Idabashi appeared with Shinguuji to try their experiment. 

They chose to do so in a random abandoned house Tenko had fried all lamps trying to get her clione to work before.

After puking it just by putting it to his mouth, Saihara decided to turn them into tea. Which had a worse taste, but a texture that didn’t affect him that much. Shinguuji watched everything with an eagle gaze. She… Felt like that was a bad idea. She felt like a prey somehow and that was bad.

At least… With Saihara here and Idabashi also sober… The degenerate wouldn’t do anything too bad right?

When the tea got ready, Tenko had her doubts if she should be taking them.

"Hey… don't you think this might be dangerous?"

"We throw it all away if it looks like we won't be able to handle it. And we can extend again if there are any complications."

Despite his complaints, Tenko drank the cup Saihara put for himself and made him drink the cup he put for her.

She drank the tea. And they waited a while.

She had no idea what that was supposed to do but… She can’t really feel the cliones that strongly anymore. That was weird. Trying to keep herself awake was… Proving to be a challenge. And sometimes her heartbeat quickened randomly and that felt uncomfortable.

And Saihara… Looked less affected than Tenko. As expected… He put a bigger dose for himself. He admitted to it later and apologized to her.

"So... How are you two feeling?" Idabashi asked.

"So sleepy it’s hard to keep my eyes."

"Yeah… I’m sleepier too. I guess… It really worked." Saihara commented.

But this sleepiness makes Tenko feel uneasier. Maybe because she is near that degenerate she can’t relax around at all but… She can’t allow herself to be vulnerable near them at all.

But maybe this would help her with her insomnia some days. She knows Saihara is very insomniac as well.

But… Shouldn’t stimulants… Make people, you know… Agitated?

"Are you sure this is it?"

"Yeah. My meds made me super sleepy." Saihara confessed.

"Interesting. On many people this would have a  _ very  _ different effect. Make them… more vivacious.” Shinguuji chuckled and Tenko once again reminded himself she can’t lower her guard around him. “Humanity surely is interesting."

"This is boring actually…” Idabashi probably had no fun watching two adults try very hard not to sleep. Well. Kids should have more interesting things to do. But… In this place even adults didn’t really have many things they could do in their free time. “Can you focus any better?"

"I guess… I have no idea. All my focus is on keeping myself awake."

“Let’s go to the ruin with the clothes factory! There are some toys there that can help us test that!”

The only people that knew how to drive a boat there were Harukawa, Yumeno, Shinguuji and Tojo… So they could go there… Would they have to tell the others? Wouldn’t that make others know what they have been doing?

But… Actually… That was not that bad of an idea. She could grab new stuff to do as well, and… Well, Idabashi is still a kid. He needs to play and there aren’t any kids to play around with him so… Maybe this will be an valuable opportunity.

Shinguuji only told Tojo he was going to pick some stuff on the island and… They were allowed to go. Just like that. And nobody asked much about it or followed them.

Turns out the island didn’t have any card games that weren’t collectible based and they didn’t really want to learn the rules right now so they went to tabletop games.

Tenko usually sucked at shogi. And Saihara was very smart so she didn’t expect a win. She didn’t really enjoy Sudoku, 

and after losing a few rounds in Go, they then decided to play Mahjong.

Mahjong… Tenko played it a lot with the monks. She always lost. But she knew the rules for that. 

And… Turns out, she was able to consistently beat not only Saihara, but Idabashi and Shinguuji as well since the four of them were playing together. If Tenko can win on this then… They must  _ suck  _ at it? Or maybe they were really unlucky. She had years of loss at this game… She was awful at it.

But it was getting late so they returned. Not before Tenko grabbed some more manga however. Idabashi also picked many things.

Sleeping that day was… Way easier.

The next morning, Saihara asked her about some specifics about the meds, and asked if they had affected the clione.

And that’s when she realized… That she had a better time controlling them now. She could light a lamp without frying it.

Was it the tea? Or the shigabanes? She doesn’t know. 

Breakfast that day felt a bit awkward. Tenko was wearing her haramaki and half the team avoided looking at her too much. Whatever. She feels good.

They decided to take a break today as the team discussed what they found in their explorations. Since Tenko was awful with mapping stuff she simply headed out.

But… Someone went after her…

"Nyeh… everyone says I messed up and needed to apologize… and it's a pain, but you didn't want to go to the factory and I had no  _ chance  _ to… so…  _ sorry _ . I… am autistic so I… might be a bit rude at times…"

Yumeno… Hid her eyes behind her hat.

… Only coming to apologize because others asked her to… And blaming...

Well… Whatever that is, that Tenko had… 

_ Has _ ?

To cover it… Isn’t… Good at all. 

Tenko doesn’t think that this excuses her wrongdoings. Be it before or now, Tenko is still responsible for her actions and their consequences. Even if she is controlled by a clione or that monster… Tenko has to deal with the aftermath of her actions. 

She even controlled herself as much as she could when the cliones overtook her! And it was enough to avoid harming Yumeno back then.

"Hey… Yumeno-san… people said I was autistic too. I… don't know  _ what  _ that is but… I don't think it… excuses how you treated me at all."

"Wait, this means-"

"And I… don't feel that you're really sorry. If you  _ were…  _ you wouldn't need  _ others  _ to  _ ask  _ you to apologize. You'd want to do that on your own. You'd explain why you avoid me so much. Why do you think I'm  _ disgusting _ ..."

"That is…"

"I know there is a problem! Between you, Harukawa and me! Don't try to deny it!"

"It… is not about  _ you _ ."

"Is that the  _ truth _ ?"

"Huh…  _ actually…  _ nyeh…"

Yumeno pulled her hat to cover her entire face… What did that imply? Tenko… Had no idea. What is the intent behind this whole… Thing?

"Why? What is it about? All that I wanted… was to be your friend? What is… so bad about that?"

"Hey… why are you so insistent in  _ me _ ? It creeps me… do you… swing that way?"

Tenko’s mind reminded her of something that had long been buried. Something she tried so hard to forget about. And it worked… Up until now.

_ ‘Do you swing that way? You gross  _ degenerate _.’ _

Tenko has no idea what  _ she  _ meant with these words. But there was something about that last string of words that made her feel terrified.

She needed to run. Now.

She was in  _ danger _ .

  
  


She locked herself in her room.

Why...

Why did that phrase...

Made her  _ panic  _ that much?

Where has she… heard this before?

Why does it…  _ hurt  _ so much?

Why does this feel so  _ familiar _ ?

Her clione… Are enhancing this feeling… Gosh. She needs to talk with Saihara as soon as it is possible. She knows no one else that can help her with that. Maybe she will need more of these mushrooms to… just. Make her sleep forever.

As she waited time to pass she tried playing with her bell to ease herself.

There was a knock to her door. 

She was scared at who it might be but...

It was Idabashi, calling her.

… She feels awful but… Idabashi…  _ Isn’t  _ an adult. She can’t really throw all her emotions at him or lash out on him about something he had nothing to do with. It wouldn’t be  _ fair _ . Tenko is an  _ adult _ … And  _ fully  _ responsible for her actions.

He… Started talking about some stuff he liked like… This Kurby thing that was a… videogame character? And robot project series. They had many types of kurbys in the games, since a kurby started as a sphere and evolved depending on how you raised it, but the ones turned into real robots were these birdlike, egg shaped ones, because they were seen as cutest. Their personalities changed depending on how you raised them as well, and they had a really complex… Artificial intelligence?

Anyway. It was nice and she felt less bad after listening to him talk about his interests. It… was nice seeing him not talk about something like philosophy and all. Not that there was anything wrong with that, they are important but… Chats about less complex subjects, like cartoons and random curiosities, are more fun. You can easily fall into sad and angry thoughts with chats like the ones they had in the mushroom forest. Chats that make you feel good… And happy… Are just as important. You need to find a balance of these.

And, Idabashi then asked her to go to the garage so they could build some… plastic… robot… things? 

She doesn't really have something to do with her time and she just wants to… Run away from thinking about the events that happened today.

It's not… her first choice but… Idabashi is… Trying to befriend her. Instead of her having to go after others and beg for a moment of their time. 

And… 

That feels good.

Building these robots was actually kinda funny. They came in these… Runner… Things? All dismounted, and you had to cut them off from them and them follow a manual for finding the parts. 

Whenever Idabashi didn't get nervous when Tenko was cutting something too close, or when she lost a few pieces in her own hand, sometimes losing the… thing they used to cut the parts off the runners - something that made them have to create a better sorting system - things progressed smoothly.

They started with smaller models and eventually went to bigger ones. 

It was a fun moment, where Tenko didn’t need to talk much, and she didn’t realize just how much time had passed until it was already dark outside. She thought she could use her clione to light up a lamp but… To her surprise… The clione had a glow of its own… Did it always glow in the dark? It was brighter than a lamp. And Idabashi found the green light that came from it really pretty.

As she left him in his room, she asked something before parting ways.

"Why did you want to build models with me? Why didn't you ask anyone else?"

"Well… You… didn’t look well when you ran earlier... Are you better?"

Ah. Like some of her favorite students… He is a caring person. 

She hugged the teen.

"Thank you Idabashi-san. I appreciate your effort. I'm feeling way better!"

"Whoa, I… thought you'd throw me away if I hugged you!"

"You got it wrong! I said that degenerate males can't touch me. And you aren't one right?"

"Oh. Right! Thanks! Hmm. Hey… Are we friends?"

Are them? Was she friends with her students? But… He isn’t exactly her student. She would want to be his friend however.

"I… think we are?"

"I see… Thanks! I… never had any in my past… Now I have you and Shinguuji-kun! Maybe Hoshi-san and Saihara-san if I stretch it…"

"Hey... I've been meaning to ask... Why are you friends with Shinguuji-san? No offense but he creeps me out. Especially his comments about morality..."

"Well… He is the only person that seems to take me  _ seriously  _ here."

"Oh… I can understand that… It gets worse near Tojo-san… Sometimes I feel as if she has no hope and expectations for me and tries to hide it by making me do pointless chores just to keep me quiet..."

"Oh. That's exactly it! But… For me that would be almost  _ everyone!  _ Everyone expects me to  _ act  _ as an adult and then go on and treat me as a kid and dismiss my opinions when I  _ want  _ to be taken seriously, even when I try my  _ hardest…”  _ Ah. Tenko really can understand how that feels like.  _ “ _ It's as if my effort was all for  _ nothing  _ since that won't change how others view me. Shinguuji at leasts treats me as an equal as well. He takes my questions seriously when I feel others  _ don't _ ."

Oh. A bit like… Tenko and her master…

Being a child… was actually the  _ worst  _ part of Tenko’s life. Somehow, worse than  _ now _ . And according to Saihara, his and most people actually.

He said something… About you being at your smartest when you were a kid, but at the cost of needing to depend on others and needing to learn everything.

It sucks. You can’t do much alone. 

You need to rely on other people, that might not always be reliable after all. 

You don’t know how to navigate through the harsh world you live in, and have to learn to understand yourself all at the same time. 

You have no respect from older people, sometimes from your own peers, and have to take in all these expectations from all these different sources… Family, classmates, teachers… 

Sure… Some kids can do  _ awful  _ things, but most times they just don’t know better. 

And children are still learning. 

Children  _ need  _ adults to survive. And most adults… Don’t know how to care for children at all. Some even want to take advantage of them... They are  _ vile _ . 

Children are some of the most  _ vulnerable  _ humans there are.

Sure. Idabashi is not a  _ baby  _ or a _ small kid.  _ He is a  _ teen _ . He can take responsibility over some of his own actions. 

But… No matter how smart he is... He isn’t an adult yet. And there are some things… You only really learn as you get older. Like… Maturity...

And… Tenko forgot about that huh? 

She… 

Also expected him to act like an adult sometimes in the past.

"Sorry, Tenko... didn't really treat you well before…"

"Well… You barely interacted with me other than to call me a degenerate and… you had no way to know better back then right? I… wasn't nice to you as well…"

"I mean… You were scared right? You didn't know how to react. It's ok. You aren’t fully grown yet. You are a teen…Closer to a kid than to an adult _ …  _ And Tenko knows how unfair it is to expect a kid to act like an adult. She won't do that anymore. But she  _ also  _ knows how unfair it feels to not be taken seriously and be treated as lesser when you  _ aren't _ . Your feelings and doubts are just as valid as Tenko’s. So she won't underestimate you at all! She will treat you… Like she treated her students."

"You are quite weird for a teacher."

"Tenko heard this often. She still has no idea if this meant her students liked her… or hated her."

"Did they stop coming to your classes after they said that?"

"No…"

"Then I'm sure they loved you! Ugh… I wish I could do something more than building plastic models with you to help you but… When I tried saying some stuff to that group... None of them took me seriously…"

"Hey, you don't need to! If they don't like Tenko… Having others interfere would make things  _ worse _ . Thanks for trying, Kurby!"

" _ Kurby _ ?"

"Oh. Tenko usually gave some of her students nicknames. Usually something they liked a lot! Only adults and elderly people liked being treated way too formally. Tenko can stop if you dislike it!"

"No… I like it! Kurby is great!"

She went back to her room but...

Hey… why is there… a playing card in her door? 

Did it get there by accident?

She thinks… she's seen this card somewhere before… but… where? Maybe it was Idabashi who lost it there? But… It wasn’t there when they left.

It… Probably doesn’t mean anything.

So Tenko just put it on top of one of her manga, and slept.

  
  


"Chabashira-san… I think… You should go with the other team today… Shinguuji is probably already suspicious of us... And if you ask to go with us today… The others will think something is up as well."

"I can't bring myself to be close to any of them! And am not sure I will  _ be  _ for a while... Especially after what happened yesterday."

"I… got it. I understand how that feels like… But… You know tomorrow we'll all have to gather together to go to that mountain, right?”

“We… Will?”

“They are almost finished with exploring the factory. There… Was nothing of use for us there. No activation of TVs or anything. It was a red herring.”

“It was a fish?”

“... Not really… And the trouble we have moving around the forest and time we take to do so means it’s better for all of us to gather together to explore them until we know just  _ where  _ we’re supposed to go… Don't you think they'll think something is off if you try to avoid them when the time comes?"

"… I guess… I'll have to pretend I don't feel uncomfortable around them huh…"

"You… aren't very good at that. Will you be ok?"

"Probably not." She has to change subjects right? So she doesn't have to think about this any further… "Hey, Who do you think this ruin belongs to, Saihara-san? Any leads?"

"I… have no idea. Nobody seems to recognize it. Or to have reacted in any suspicious way to it, besides complaints about the smell. It also doesn't match with the info anyone told us about our backgrounds. But. Someone might have  _ lied  _ on that..."

"Yeah… I surely didn't know any factories… And the mountain my temple was in had a huge tree that was easily sighted from afar and lots of sakura and ginkgo trees… We have none of these here…"

"Yeah… You'd recognize that, right?"

"I mean. I think I'd  _ only  _ recognize that. I lived half of my life there… I barely remember how life was  _ before  _ it actually, except that… it was no good."

“... Yeah. I can imagine.”

“Hey… Saihara… Why don’t you see Idabashi-san and Shinguji-san as your friends? You seem to communicate really well with them.”   
“There is a certain feeling of unease that I get near them that… Makes me feel uncomfortable around them. I guess. Maybe like you near Harukawa-san? Or Tojo-san.”

“Oh. Got it.”

That day, when they went to ruins, Tenko stayed in the team with Saihara, Idabashi and Shinguuji. Tojo and Hoshi questioned her but… 

She can't bring herself to be close to any of the four people at that other team now.

Harukawa and Yumeno  _ didn't  _ want to be near her, like Saihara theorizes. 

Iidabashi, while not saying what was the problem… 

Was honest saying that he promised to not tell. 

Tojo and Hoshi… avoided telling her even that. They just… Made up excuses.

That day went like the day before, except that to avoid any doubts, Tenko didn’t really engage much in their conversations. And she didn’t really understand most of them. But… Exploring with Saihara and Idabashi felt… Less bad. Safer. They tried going to another path of the ruin after jumping on some mushrooms and found a bunch of rocks blocking some entrance.

She asked Saihara’s help to lift them, which surprised the others, but it surprised them even more than Saihara was able to help her. He was surely getting stronger, thanks to her training. But that path turned out to be a dead end. Besides a small plant sprout, something that surprised Saihara, it only had some skeletons hidden beneath it. These… Surely belonged to birds. And monkeys and boars… Tenko wonders what species they were from. There were many of these back in her mountain.

They also discovered that… Somehow, Tenko’s spit had antiseptic properties now. 

When she took off her mask to try and smell the plant better, which she regretted because the place’s smell was awful and far surpassed that of the plant, she ended up licking a leaf that was in the ground to try and identify it. And the lick… Killed some fungi. Which made Tenko really sad. It was her first  _ direct  _ kill...

But the others loved knowing about that. And made her test it. And after killing a mushroom, she gave up. They said to her that that was thanks to her healing clione but if it was…

Maybe her healing clione was just as murderous as her electricity one… Just in a different way.

But… As Saihara said… Lifeforms like animals and fungi directly need death to keep on living... 

Even Tenko… Needed death. In order to eat and survive.

So maybe her clione murderous instincts… Were only survival instincts.

And an extra perk of these parasites shining at night, was that they could use it as a time indicator in that place. That mountain had no clocks, like the factory had... So when it started shining, it meant they had to head back or they would have less breakfast next morning, like the others had warned.

That day they didn’t find any Musapa mushrooms. Which... Tenko had no idea if it was good or bad.

At least… She could sleep in peace.

The next morning, since the other team had fully explored the factory and found nothing of use there, Saihara tried to tell Tenko some stuff she could do to avoid suspicion. She decided that not paying attention to anything was her best bet.

And that  _ worked _ . 

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_ Until  _ Yumeno tripped on a rock, and hurt her feet, and asked for the group to go back.

"This bruise won't kill you." Harukawa observed.

"Nyeh… it still hurts! I can't walk properly…"

"We still have to go on for today." Harukawa… Was harsh huh? If this is how she treats her friend… How would she treat Tenko, who she hates?

But… Even if they hate them… Tenko… Still can try to help. Even if they deny it...

"Hey… Te-I have healing spit. If you don't want her to use h-my clione… Te-I can use that!"

“Yeah! We can confirm that this is true!” Idabashi jolted.

"Gross!” Yumeno… So… It  _ isn’t  _ the clione after all. “Can't it be a piggyback ride?"

"… I don't think you'd want one from a gross person like me anyways."

Yumeno didn’t reply.

"Harukawa-san… can't you give her a piggyback ride?" Tojo sugges t ed.

"If she doesn't want to be healed then that's her  _ choice _ .” Well… Harukawa  _ was  _ right. “I need to have my hands free. This would make me unable to focus on a fight."

"… Can't she wait here?" Idabashi questioned.

"Nyeh? Alone?"

"Not to mention with just how everything looks alike here we might not even find a way to return here." Saihara mentioned “Even jumping in mushrooms… Wouldn’t be enough to help us find her…”

Yeah... She isn’t really... Bigger than the mushrooms around them...

"Ugh. Fine. I'll walk" Yumeno then tried going on but each step she took with her injured leg was accompanied by an interjection of pain not much longer after.

"The safest and less painful way is to accept Chabashira-san’s proposal you know?" Tojo proposed.

"Nyeh... You’re all cornering me!”... Cornering her? Why? “Ugh. Fine. Do it. Just spit on me or something."

How…  _ Rude _ .

Why… Does Tenko…  _ Still  _ care about her so much? It just makes no sense… If it were anyone else… Tenko would probably just… Stop caring, Be able to ignore the existence...

But with Yumeno… She can’t do that…

_ Why _ ...

"She can also kiss your wound you know?” Tojo suggested but Tenko wouldn’t feel comfortable with that right now. “It probably would feel less bad for you."

"Kisses are  _ grosser _ . Spit." Well. She is glad Yumeno doesn’t want that at least. But… Tenko also didn’t want to spit on her, So she just… Gave her the half emptied water bottle she was using. She probably wouldn’t want to use that bottle again…

Yumeno put the water in her bruise and… Was healed, to everyone’s surprise. 

"Hey… aren't you going to thank her?" Hoshi commented.

“If she needs others to ask her to thank,then she isn’t really feeling grateful. Let’s just move on.”

Tenko would not want to receive a  _ fake _ thank you. It is better to receive none at all.

The group decided to move towards a red pillar they had seen when Idabashi jumped on a mushroom. Tenko didn’t jump at all this time. She doesn’t feel like doing that near the whole group. They’d probably criticize her.

When they arrived there… A TV turned on.

“ _ Hey kids! Welcome to extend TV” _

_ “Hey sinners, congrats reaching this place so soon!” _

_ “You used the mushrooms to jump huh? It was a move only really anyone here could have ever done.” _

_ “THE-PERSON-THIS-RUIN-BELONGS-TO!” _

Wait…

But it was Tenko that…

Shouldn’t… She remember this place if it was truly hers?

She has never seen a place like this at all?

_ “That’s right! Your very own martial arts teacher… Or should you say… Neo Aikido master?” _

It… Can’t be… Right?

_ “Isn’t anyone curious about what her sin is?” _

_ “It was oh-so-obvious!” _

_ “She is really  _ green  _ after all!” _

_ “Envy part 1 - severine life and death!” _

Envy? Since when was...

_ “It all started when two kids were born together! So similar! Yet so different!”  _

Oh no… They are… Going to talk about…  _ Him _ ?

Tenko doesn’t want to remember that…

The bears, however, didn’t care about that did they?

_ ‘A girl? But we wanted two sons!’  _

That figure… Was supposed to be her father wasn’t it?

_ ‘Well, maybe she gets to give us grandkids who knows. Take care of us as we are older…’ _

That… Was her mother. She talked like that.

_ “But as the kids got to grow up, it couldn’t get more clear they were treated so differently!” _

_ ‘Go clean the dishes!’  _

_ ‘Why doesn’t he get to clean dishes as well? He also used them! He can play all he wants too, why can’t I?’ _

_ ‘Now Tenko, he’s a boy. Chores are for girls. Like you. Girls are more mature and need to take care of the others. They have no time for playing!’ _

_ ‘But why?’ _

_ ‘That is just how things are!’ _

_ ‘And why are they like that?’ _

_ ‘They just  _ are  _ and that is not something you can change. Just accept it ok? It is God’s will.’ _

Oh yeah. Her parents always talked like that. 

_ “Eventually Tenko got used to making the chores! But that wasn’t when things went sour at all!” _

They… Really didn’t. Back then Tenko used to protect him from bullies since she was stronger. And since he was smarter he helped her with her homework. So they were really close. They even watched PrePure together until her parents prohibited him from doing so when they discovered he liked it. And threw Tenko’s prepure toys away when they discovered he liked playing with them as well, She got furious. These things were  _ hers _ !

They started changing… That day. When they got estranged… 

And they started… Getting even more separated as he skipped classes, and she failed hers. 

After that, she started failing so much her parents took her to a bunch of doctors and got really mad at her and said she was useless. And he started hanging out with these problematic boys and becoming more and more of a jerk. Of a…  _ Degenerate _ .

_ “Oh, youth! Kids can be so cruel! Especially to classmates that are different or to their own siblings! Her brother didn’t adapt to that life at all, and after seeing how their parents reacted to her sister’s… Discovery, he started taking that to his advantage and started destroying his activities, and started blaming her for them! And her parents totally believed him!” _

_ “After all, nobody would trust that failure, right? And this went on for a few years. And our envious one, always bullied while never really knowing why, became more and more aggressive and prone to fighting!” _

_ “But, one special day, a girl approached our unwanted twin! It all started with a simple looking question.” _

_ Oh no… _ They… Are going to talk about  _ her  _ aren’t they?

_ ‘Hey Chabashira, which boy in the class do you think is the prettiest?’ _

_ ‘I don’t really like them I guess. They remind me of my brother?’ _

_ ‘You’re wrong! You brother is prettier than any of them! Does he have a girlfriend?’ _

_ ‘I don’t think so, why?’ _

_ ‘That’s great!’ _

_ ‘Is it?’ _

_ ‘Yeah!’ _

_ “And our ever oh so lonely and needy aikidoka, didn’t even realize their hidden intentions!” _

_ “And it was such a bad act.” _

_ “Yeah, this fucker here… Falls for acts so easily… Especially if they come from women…” _

What the…

She…  _ Doesn’t _ !

_ “They started hanging out and poor Tenko was soo attention starved she didn’t  _ ever  _ realize the girl only approached her to get close to her brother!” _

_ ‘Hey Chabashira, who do you want to marry?’ _

_ ‘Uh? What is that?’ _

_ ‘You don't know what marriage is? Silly! It’s what you do with someone you feel happy near to and want to spend the rest of your life by their side!’ _

_ ‘But that… would be you?’ _

_ “Little did she know what chaos that would unfold… So many things she doesn’t even understand right now!” _

_ “Just a tip! You’re homo! And your brother was as well!” _

Homo? As in Homo Sapiens?

But… She can feel a certain sense of dread taking over her...

_ ‘Do you swing that way? You gross  _ degenerate _.’ _

‘Degenerate?’

_ ‘You disgust me! Freaks like you shouldn’t exist at all! Not only that but you are a freak! Only men are allowed to like women!’ _

_ “The girl then started hitting Chabashira! Who didn’t understand the situation at all! But eventually, her whole class started flocking on her and harassing her until… She exploded! Like an volcano!” _

That’s wrong! That  _ monster _ … Overtook her!

_ “And she got expelled from her school for that! Her parents didn’t believe her monster explanation either. And they completely gave up on her after discovering that she liked women. They didn’t want to have that sinner in their house anymore.” _

_ ‘Not only is she a girl and has that  _ thing  _ but she also is… like this. A monster. She can’t even get good grades! I can’t handle her anymore, and she won’t fit society at all.’ _

_ ‘Maybe a temple can fix her?’ _

_ ‘ _ Nothing  _ will fix her! Even if she gets cured from all these issues, she was born with… All these sins… And the way she explodes? She is a  _ demon _! A degenerate! No temple in our religion would accept her so we need a place where she can be kept  _ forever _!’ _

Right. _Their_ religion… Made her someone that was born with no chance huh?

_ “As she heard that, she could only think of something.” _

_ ‘Why… Is Tenko the degenerate one? What… Did she do wrong? Why… does it feel like… Everyone would prefer… If she was… A man… Or an animal?’ _

Oh… She did think that…

She… Still believes in that last part nowadays.

And that phrase released a lot of memory flashes to her...

She was suddenly aware of so  _ many  _ things.

And feeling so many things she doesn’t even know how to  _ describe _ . She can’t pay attention to that weird cartoon anymore.

And that phrase…

That Yumeno spoke yesterday...

Was exactly the  _ same  _ thing  _ she  _ said.

Oh god. She has not changed a thing at all in all these years. She… Still has no idea what that means. She still failed to understand these girls' intentions. 

She still doesn’t understand why she can’t take them off her mind...

Why did she only  _ now  _ realize these things? She can't handle all of these thoughts at once. Alongside the flashing lights and murmurs she could feel around her but couldn’t understand at all. 

She felt like utter garbage.

Tenko was overflowing with feelings she long forgot she had. Feelings she can’t name or describe. 

To make matters worse… She could feel she was losing control of her body, to that monster…

Whenever the monster overtakes her, it gets stronger every time… And always feels the same way… As if her body had overtaken her and her consciousness was only looking from afar. And... that usually meant destruction.

It was hazy but she could feel, maybe.. see, even if it was extremely blurred, that her body was breaking stuff. She was probably screaming.

She heard muffled voices trying to contact her, but it was no use, She couldn't make out what they were saying or who it was that spoke to her. And even if these voices reached her… It was unlikely she’d regain control of her body. 

It felt as if that monster was stronger than ever. 

Did the clione power them up? 

But… She doesn’t feel her body burst, even if it does hurt a lot so it’s not a clione rampage... She felt something try to touch her, probably to restrain her, and her body's instinctive reaction was to throw whoever it was away.

And the monster ran away with her body. She has no idea where, She blacked out.

When she regained control over her body, and woke up… 

Was she… At her… 

Room?

Not the one on the island… But the one in the temple. It surely looked like it. She was even inside a vase that she usually went to whenever she felt unsafe. But… She has long stopped being able to fully hide in this vase...

She couldn’t really check if it was her room or someplace that looked like it… Her body didn’t want to move at all. 

It had completely shut down. 

And… She probably also had lost her voice. She can’t vocalize anything at all, no matter how hard she tries, no matter how much she wants to _shout_.

It had been _so long_ since this last happened. 

Tenko thought that that monster that lives within her... Was completely sealed by the bell.

But, if this happened again…

The bell  _ failed _ . The blessing had  _ vanished _ .

Then that meant she was the most  _ dangerous  _ person in this place. Someone living with such a destructive monster inside… Should someone like _that_ … Be near other people?

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For additional comments pls check the same carrd as posted last chapter but at this place instead #ch3pt2


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